Page 33 of Beating Heart
It was too much.
This pull that lived between us.
She wanted to leave it alone, and I knew she was right. No sense starting something with a woman who wasn’t staying. And I didn’t do relationships anyway. I liked to keep things simple because my focus was on Cutler. So messing with my neighbor would be a dumbass move.
But still, I was disappointed the text wasn’t from her.
Because maybe I’m a dumbass when it comes to my neighbor.
Tara
How’s the boy?
She texted me once or twice a year, and it always started this way. If I scrolled up through the conversation, this was what she always led with.
How’s the boy?
Our son.
Her son.
I was torn somewhere between pissed off and relieved every time she messaged. Pissed off, because he deserved better.
Relieved, because he deserved better.
Cutler is doing well.
I could mention that his sixth birthday had come and gone, and she hadn’t called. But that would mean that I’d expected her to call. She had never called on his birthday. Or Christmas. Or any holiday, for that matter.
And that meant that I got to have him all the time.
Her loss was my win.
But I still felt bad that he didn’t have a normal family life.
Not that she ever could have provided it.
Tara
It still makes me smile that we chose that name for him.
It was her fucking claim to fame with me. She’d picked the name, and I’d liked it.
She brought it up every time I saw her. Maybe it was guilt because she had nothing else she could really bring up.
She did carry him and provide a home for nine months.
And that was the reason I tolerated her texts once or twice a year.
She gave me the best gift I could ever receive.
So, for that reason, she always got a pass from me.
Yep. He’s the best kid on the planet, no question there.
Tara
I’m going to try to get to Magnolia Falls at the end of summer to see him. Do you think he would like that?
