Page 101 of Beating Heart
“I was trying to respect you by not living together first,” he said.
A maniacal laugh escaped my mouth, and his eyes widened. “Respect me? Do you even hear yourself? You have zero respect for me after what you’ve done. Collin, there is no me and you. We are as done as anyone can get. And honestly, part of me wants to forgive you because I’m happy now. Happier than I think I’ve been in a very long time. And I want us both to be free of this anger. But the betrayal and the fact that you have ruined my relationship with my best friend—I don’t know how to ever forgive you for that. You could have chosen anyone.”
His eyes widened in shock. “So you don’t care that I cheated. You care that I cheated with Farah?”
“In this moment… yes. Because you and I are done either way. It wouldn’t have mattered who you’d cheated with; I would have walked away from you, regardless. We clearly had nothing worth fighting for because I’ve never once thought about trying to work it out with you since the moment that I found out what you did.” My words were harsh but true. A lump formed in my throat. “I’m just sad that it had to end this way.”
“So you aren’t willing to go to relationship counseling with me?” he asked.
“No. There’s nothing to fix here. We’re better apart. I know it. You know it.” My gaze locked with his. “What are you even fighting for? We weren’t happy, or you wouldn’t have strayed. This is just about winning for you, Collin. And there’s nothing to win.”
“You’re wrong, Em. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” He clasped his hands together.
“Well, if that’s true, I’m sorry for you, because there’s no turning back. But for me, that relationship was not the best thing that ever happened to me. Not even close. And you need to believe me when I tell you that we’re done. I don’t have anything else to say to you.”
“You don’t miss me? Miss us?” he pressed, and I was frustrated that he was still pushing.
“I don’t.” His eyes were locked with mine, and he finally nodded.
I could see it there in his light blue eyes. He finally got it. He knew it was over.
“You’ve never looked at me the way you were looking at him, Em,” he whispered.
“What?”
“Your neighbor. I knew it the minute he came running over. I still thought I could fight for you. Make you see my point. But I lost before I even arrived here.”
“Collin, you lost the minute I found out about you and Farah. You and me being done has nothing to do with Nash.” I cleared my throat. “But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that he’s shown me how good things can be. How it should be when you’re with someone. You and I haven’t had that in a very long time.”
“Had what?”
“The loyalty. The passion. The friendship. The love. Any of it. We were just good on paper.”
“Don’t say that. I finally accept that it’s over. But don’t say we never had anything.” He swiped at his cheek when a tear rolled down his face. “I’m sorry, Em. I’m so fucking sorry for what I did. I hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me.”
“I hope there’s a time when we can all forgive and forget. I’m just not there yet, and you need to stop calling and pushing, okay?”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“Hey, Collin,” I said, mustering the strength to say what I needed to say next.
“Yeah?”
“You must have had some kind of feelings for Farah to have carried on for as long as you did.” I clasped my hands together, because I didn’t want to care about her, but I still did.
“It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.”
“But it did.” I reminded him. “And I know she’s going through a hard time, and I can’t be there for her. But you should be. You two got into this together. And you’ve got all the support from your family. She’s alone, and you know it. So if there were any feelings worth exploring, I think you should explore those with her. You and I can’t repair what we had, but maybe you and her have something deeper than you want to admit.”
“Wow. You’re really done with me.” His gaze searched mine. “You’re in love with this guy, aren’t you?”
I didn’t answer him.
I didn’t need to.
I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Collin something that I should be telling Nash.
“Just remember that you cared enough to carry on with her for months. She’s alone right now, Collin, and if you’re avoiding her because you think I’m going to care, you’re wrong.”
