Page 71 of A Sorceress Comes to Call
“It’s okay,” Cordelia whispered. “How are you doing?”
Mustn’t complain. Others have it worse and so forth.
“Do they? You’re a ghost.”
Other ghosts have it worse, I’m sure… Actually, no, I’m not sure. I haven’t seen any other ghosts. But I can talk to you and I don’t have any aches and pains anymore, and no bills coming due, so I’m bound to be doing better than someone out there.
“That’s good? I think?” Cordelia heard the door open, realized that Alice might be coming back, and rushed to the water closet, where at least she wouldn’t be disturbed.
I was thinking about what you asked about how I became a ghost, and I think it’s because I died wrong.
Cordelia winced. “I’m sorry. My mother…”
Yes, I know. It’s not your fault.
“But she’s my—”
My mother was a dreadful woman and it had nothing to do with me either. Now please, I can’t focus for too long without getting tired.
Cordelia nodded, and then it occurred to her to ask: “Can you see when I nod?”
Not see, exactly, but I felt that you agreed? It’s complicated. None of my adjectives are right at all.
At any rate, when that dreadful woman did whatever she did to me, it felt like I was being pushed down in my own body. I took the knife she held out to me, but I wasn’t the one in control of it.
“I know what that’s like.”
I thought you might. I didn’t like it, I can tell you that. And then she wanted me to attack Evermore! Well, I wasn’t having that. I pushed back, as hard as I could. I don’t think she liked that. We went back and forth for a little while and then she changed what she was doing. Instead of pushing me down, she pushed… I don’t know. Sideways? Maybe? Directions are a bit odd now too. But instead of being down in my own body, I was off to one side of it. I could see over my own shoulder. And then she walked my body off the balcony.
“I’m sorry,” whispered Cordelia again.
It’s only dying. Cordelia felt something like a shrug ripple through her skull. It was a very odd sensation, and accompanied by the smell of black licorice. It’s not even the third most awful thing that’s ever happened to me.
“Worse than dying?”
I took a ship across the ocean for my honeymoon and spent two weeks hanging over the edge of the rail, vomiting if I so much as thought about food. At least this was over very quickly. But never mind that. After I was dead, something happened inside my chest. Not a physical thing. Something else.
It was awkward holding a conversation while in the water closet. Even though she wasn’t using the facilities, it felt somehow wrong. “Like what?” she whispered, hoping that Penelope wouldn’t pick up on her embarrassment.
I can’t really explain it. A wave of cinnamon-scented frustration engulfed Cordelia. I can’t even remember it very well. It was like a door opening, but also like something being sucked through a tube? No, that’s not right at all. I’m sorry. I feel like I should remember.
“You’d had a bit of a shock,” said Cordelia.
Penelope’s ghost laughed, bringing with it the smell of lavender. A small one, yes. Whatever it was, I think that should have pulled my soul through it, but I was still outside and looking over my own shoulder, so it didn’t. And then by the time I figured out what was going on, it was too late. I wasn’t really attached to my body anymore, and everything started to get very dim. Even my body just looked like a coal burning down. Some blobs came to pick it up, but I couldn’t tell what they were at the time. And everything was so dim, I couldn’t tell where the building was, or which way I was facing, or even what up or down was.
It sounded terrifying. Cordelia had not been particularly eager to die, but this was worse than she had expected. Maybe it’s only like that if you’re a ghost. Maybe the thing that she couldn’t describe takes care of people who are still in their bodies when they die.
I think it was the horse that saved me, Penelope said musingly.
“The horse?”
The thing that’s pretending to be a horse. I’m pretty sure it isn’t one, though. It looks like a horse to me, and all the real horses just look like bigger blobs. I don’t know what it really is, but it’s much brighter than anything else. I didn’t like it at all, but everything was so dark and the horse was shining like anything, so I followed it. I stayed well back, so I’m not sure if it knew I was there. Eventually it led me back here. Everything got a little brighter and there were more blobs around. When I focused on one of the blobs, it turned out to be one of the stablehands. That’s how I figured out what was happening.
“Falada,” said Cordelia. “He’s my mother’s familiar.”
Familiar? Like a sorcerer’s—oh, I see. Yes, of course, that makes sense, doesn’t it? She’d have to be. Huh.
Well, that’s interesting. I always thought I’d probably be killed by someone’s jealous lover, but I rather expected them to use a gun.
