Page 47 of Last First Kiss
“Now that we’re alone,” he said, “I have to tell you . . . I’m fucking pissed and scared and just fucked up in the head. You stayed behind. And before you say anything. I know it’s your job, I know you’re trained, but it doesn’t mean I like it.”
What the hell did he think she’d do? She’d promised not to lock him out again, so long as he cooperated. But she’d never promised not to help save people in danger. Maybe the reason she hadn’t had a relationship after Derek wasn’t because she was scared to open up her heart again but because her work consumed her too much. Apparently men couldn’t handle her job. It had never really occurred to her. The only relationship she’d had was with Derek, and he’d understood military life because he was a military man. But for a civilian like Rocco, his urge to protect her trumped her need to save all the people who were in that room. And how selfish and fucked up it was that it felt good to be that important to him? That he cared that much for her, that he wanted to protect her and keep her out of harm’s way?
But it also scared the hell out of her, because she wasn’t made that way. She would always run into danger if it meant saving even one person. And she wasn’t sure what to do with that realization.
“I don’t know what to say, Rock.” She reached for him and ran her palm down his cheek. It had been the first time she’d initiated such an intimate touch. But she needed to touch him. He had to understand that she was feeling strong things for him, but that those feelings didn’t mean she’d stop doing what she needed to do to help others. “This is me. You’re going to have to accept that I’m the kind of girl who runs into danger, not away from it. The kind of girl who has a knife and a gun tucked in her clothes at all times.”
He didn’t move or even react to her touch. He just stood still like a statue. “I’m trying really hard, Annie. I really am.”
“Are you? Because we keep coming back to this same problem.”
He closed his eyes and melted a bit into her touch. Then he took her hand on his cheek and kissed her palm.
“Give me time to figure this out. It’s hard to be with a woman like you. And I don’t mean it in a bad way, Annie. I mean it in a fuck, when will I lose her, when will she get hurt way. If that makes sense.”
“I get it.” And she did. But he was going to have to come to terms with it. It wasn’t something she could change about herself. “Come on, let’s eat. I’m starving.”
They sat in a small restaurant called La Nonna, in a corner table in the back. They were way overdressed, but for some reason, maybe because of the dim lights and the cheesy candlelight, it felt romantic.
“So do I get to see you chew tonight?”
She snorted and then covered her mouth. “Shut it. I ate crème brûlée the other night and unless they have a lasagna smoothie, yes, I’ll be chewing my food tonight.”
The server came by and asked for their drink order. “Wine?” Rocco asked her.
“On duty,” she answered. “I’ll have iced tea, please.”
“I’ll have a Peroni.”
The server walked away. “So, our first date.”
“Very classy, Monroe. I get a tux and everything.”
“Whatever it takes.” He gave her a toothy smile.
“To get into my pants, huh?”
There was an odd expression on his face, one she hadn’t seen before. Embarrassment, maybe?
“What?”
“Can we get back to this morning? You were very chatty.”
“Chatty? What do you mean? About the tiger thing? It’s a depressing story, Rocco. I really prefer not to talk about it.”
“No, not just that. There was more.”
“More?” She worried the napkin in her lap. What the hell had she said?
“A lot more.” He took a big drink of his water. “Earlier, when you said you wanted to be together, what exactly did you mean, Annabelle?” The drinks arrived at that moment and the server took their order. “More kissing? Dating? Sex? What did you mean?” She noted an implication in his tone as if he knew something and was trying to pry it out of her.
“Yes. All of the above, I guess—Oh!” Then the memory hit her. Sex. They’d discussed sex. Well, not so much discussed but she’d volunteered a lot more information than she should’ve. “Oh my God.” She felt her cheeks flame and she thought she would throw up.
“I guess you remember.”
She looked down, not wanting to make eye contact. Why hadn’t he just spit it out? He’d let her go through the entire stressful day knowing this and not mentioning it. “I am mortified.”
“Don’t be. Please. I’m glad you told me. If anything, I’m mortified. The things I said to you were inappropriate.”
