Page 43 of Kiss Marry Kill
He nudged her shoulder with his while she struggled for words.
“I just . . . it . . . thank you for all you’ve done, but I feel like it’s causing you so much stress. That nightmare the other night, and then losing your temper. I just . . . please don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe it’s best that it’s not you who helps me.”
He leaned forward, his forearms resting on his thighs. He couldn’t even get upset at what she was saying, since it was obviously causing her a great deal of pain to say it. And really, it was true. All of it. He wasn’t handling this well.
Pulling on a thread from her towel, she continued. “I missed you, Jackson. And now you’re back and I don’t know what to do with that, especially when you’re living in my house barking orders and commands. I have all these feelings rushing through me—I’m so scared about Ryan but at the same time I’m happy and still shocked that you’re here. I’d rather have you here in a different role. . . .” She winced as she said it.
He ran his palm down his face, gripping the end of his beard. How must he look to her: wild hair, wild beard, perpetual crankiness? How did she even want him “in a different role”?
“I wish things were different, Meg. I really do. I just found you again, and now . . .” He shook his head, he needed to focus his thoughts. “I’m not going to let anyone else protect you. I’m just not. I have to focus on keeping you safe, and you can kick and scream about it all you want, but it won’t change the fact that I feel . . .” He ran a hand down his beard. “It’s my job to keep you safe, Meg. You. I know I don’t have any business feeling that way, but I do.” He leaned close, wanting to touch her so bad it physically pained him. “I’ll ease up. I promise. But you’re stuck with me, for now at least. Once things settle down, we can figure things out.”
She exhaled loudly, maybe out of frustration. Maybe she understood. It didn’t matter, though, because it didn’t change anything. He was here to stay until she was absolutely safe. After that? Well, they’d have to figure it out when the timing wasn’t a huge clusterfuck.
“Meet you in the kitchen?”
“Yeah, meet you there,” she said somberly. “Give me ten minutes. I want to take a quick shower.”
Feeling domestic, he set the table outside. The smell of the ocean had been the reason he’d never moved away from his hometown. He loved Miami and the fact that at any given time he could be at the beach. “Do you do this with all your clients? Make them spaghetti as an apology?” Megan asked, her hair still wet.
He pulled out a chair for her and then sat down. “Woman? What do you think?”
“I think you’d have a lot of repeat clients if you did.”
Her phone rang as she was about to dig into the meal. “Oh no . . . unknown caller.” She showed him the screen.
He moved over to her side of the table. “Answer it. Put it on speaker.”
“Hello?” Silence. She looked at Jax and lifted her shoulder. “Hello? Ryan, is that you?” And then the call dropped.
“Tomorrow I’m getting you a new number. I don’t want you to share it with anyone except your immediate circle. No one else.”
“Okay.”
He went back to his chair and texted Joey to let him know what had just happened and then looked up. “Don’t let him scare you. Eat. Ignore it. We’re getting to the bottom of this.” But even as he said it, he looked around, feeling as if they were being watched.
* * *
She was quiet, placing the napkin on her lap—her legs were bare thanks to the small cotton shorts she was wearing. He reached for her hand and squeezed. “Please eat. I feel terrible about earlier today. I just want to have a normal meal.”
“Yeah . . . okay. You’re right.” She twirled spaghetti onto her fork and took a bite. “This is delicious, Jax.”
“Glad you like it.”
“I never sit out here. I need to find the time. It really is beautiful.” Her eyes were focused on the ocean. It wasn’t as late as it had been when they were out yesterday, and the ships were more visible as the sun began to disappear on the horizon.
He turned his head to her. “It really is.” She smiled, and when she turned to see he was looking at her and not out to the ocean, she averted her eyes. He wasn’t trying to keep his attraction to her a secret, it was blatantly obvious. Acting on it, that was what he couldn’t do.
He decided to voice some of his concerns. She needed to know where his thoughts were. It was unfair that he was being so complicated when she’d been so open with him. “Have you ever thought that we just didn’t get to know each other enough? That maybe we were caught up in the moment. Do we really know one another?”
She furrowed her eyebrows and cocked her head, utterly surprised he would ask this question. “I don’t think anyone has ever gotten to know me the way you did. I’d like to think it was the same for you. Maybe it was a short time, but you saw me. Like really saw me, in a way no one had ever seen me before.” She shook her head and continued. “No. I refuse to believe that you forget how you used to be. How fun and carefree you were. Don’t try to skew that memory for me.”
“No, you’re right. I was young and didn’t have any responsibilities. Things have changed. That’s where I’m at, Meg. I just . . . things have changed.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’ve been thinking about it all day. Within an hour of meeting me, you were already working your magic to help me get out of my comfort zone and try new things. Things, incidentally, that I loved doing, and still do.” She held up a beer and winked. “I want to do that for you. Remind you. You lost your way but we can find it again. Together. Things have changed, but not that much and not where it counts.”
“Meg . . .”
She stood and patted his shoulder. “You said I’m stuck with you. Well, that means that you’re stuck with me too. If you’re going to stay with me, then I’m making some rules because I want some of the Jax I’ve been stupidly daydreaming about for all these years back. I like this new Jax too, and I’m not trying to change you, I just want to remind you of what you seem to have forgotten. Maybe some of that can come back so you can be less growly all the time.” She exhaled loudly. “You’re fighting it. You’re fighting us. But I’m not going to argue with you anymore. I’m going to be as supportive as you were with me back then.”
