Page 30 of Kiss Marry Kill
“Bullshit, it’s on the other side of the hall,” he said. She wanted to correct him and explain that it was on the other side of the hall, but it was still the next room over. Her room just so happened to be huge and took up a lot of the hall.
Not the time, Megan, she reminded herself as he began to speak again, his voice heavy with stress and exhaustion. “Anyway after checking the windows and doors five times, I was too worked up to sleep, so I just sat down in front of your door.”
“For what?”
He shrugged but it was obvious to her why he’d done it. “To keep an eye on me? To keep me safe?”
He fisted his hands in his hair. “I just . . . God, Megan, I just feel like I have to put myself between you and any possible danger. It’s crazy, but I can’t fucking help it.” He practically hissed the words as if he was mad at her for bringing up these feelings in him. Then he stood up and walked into the en suite bathroom, leaving Megan a jumbled mess on the bed.
There are nightmares and there are nightmares. The strangled noises and the thrashing that had come from Jax put things into perspective. This man—this fearless man—had demons. Scary demons. Whatever he’d endured overseas still weighed heavily on him, and there were no words Megan could say to console him.
Clearly embarrassed, Jax had yet to come back from the bathroom. Seeing such a strong man fight his demons did something to Megan. Maybe he was all about protecting her, but she was all about comforting him. Showing him he wasn’t alone. After everything that had happened, she found herself focusing on whether he needed anything. A hug, a towel, enough soap, a cup for water. It was silly, but while she couldn’t chase his demons away, she could make sure he was comfortable. So after ten more frustrated minutes of wondering, she snuck her head into the en suite with the intention of checking in on him and leaving. He’d left the bathroom door partly open, and like a moth to a flame she couldn’t look away. His bare back muscles were bunched up with tension and his shoulders strained against his neck. Five years ago, he hadn’t had any tattoos. Now, there was a piece on his shoulder blade that was so realistic, it looked almost three dimensional. From where she stood, it looked like a compass with a rope around the top that wrapped around an anchor, a tattered American flag peeking from behind, all in different shades of black and gray. It was beautiful, but also sad.
Jax was the sexiest man she’d ever seen, bar none. But the man in front of her was also the most intense and complicated. Unsure how to navigate this Jax made her question every move she made. But screw it. She needed to touch him, at least so he’d know she was there for him in any capacity. She was beginning to hope it would be in a deeper role than just friendship, because she wanted him—and it wasn’t just sex. It was the undeniable connection they’d always shared. But if all he wanted was a friendship, she’d accept that too. Because she couldn’t just see him this way and walk back to her room and go to sleep. It hurt her to see him hurt.
Carefully she walked into the bathroom. His head was still bowed down, and the thick corded veins on his arms, which looked like they were about to burst from the grip he had on the sink, made him look completely defeated.
Slowly and quietly she moved in close, cautiously pressing her palms against his shoulder blades, which tensed further underneath her touch. But he didn’t pull away. Taking this as an invitation to continue, she rubbed her hands up and down his back, eventually bringing them around his waist and together against his abdomen, her face resting against his back. A few hours ago, he’d comforted her when she’d felt weak and needy, swooping in and holding her on his lap. Now, she was going to try to do the same for him.
Years before, when she felt complete and utter defeat, a hug from a friend had all but saved her. She wanted to save him now, to be his friend. Sometimes a hug, a moment of affection, could mean everything. It meant you’re not alone.
After a moment, the tension loosened and he turned around in her arms.
Glassy and hooded eyes pierced through her, her pulse beating frantically against her chest. It wasn’t lost on her that she was wearing just a long T-shirt or that he was in just boxer shorts—or that they were pressed so close together. “I can’t lose sight of why I’m here,” he said, with a roughness in his voice she’d never heard before. She wasn’t sure whether he was saying it to her or trying to convince himself. But it didn’t matter.
She had already let it be known that she wanted him when they were outside. He had been hard underneath her, and hadn’t exactly been pulling away from her touches. If it hadn’t been for the prank call, they would have at least kissed. Taking the plunge now and making the first move, she nodded and kissed his pec muscle, where there was a second tattoo—this one just the words “Semper Fi” in a simple font.
“I need to keep you safe,” he said, and she kissed the other pec muscle, her palms moving softly up his shoulders. He was warring with himself, so she kept fighting. It was obvious that he wanted her as much as she wanted him. She reached up, running her hands through his beard and tucking her face in his neck.
“You smell good,” she breathed into his ear, nipping his ear lobe.
“Fuuuck . . .” he moaned, his erection hardening against her stomach with each touch, with each kiss. “You were crying a few hours ago. You’re vulnerable. You’re scared. This is a bad idea.”
Who was he trying to convince?
Getting on the tips of her toes, she placed a small kiss on the corner of his lips, and said, “I’m not scared of you. Never of you. This is a good idea. Let me help you forget your bad dream, Jackson.” She kissed the other side of his lip. “I can help you forget.”
Jax released a long breath. His shoulders finally relaxed. He grabbed her face in his big hands and pressed his lips against hers. And God, did he taste good. His beard felt soft against her face, and even though the kiss felt different, those full lips felt the same. She pressed her body closer to his and he picked her up, turned around, and set her on the vanity, her legs wrapping around him and her mouth opening to give his delicious tongue access. The way her heart sped up and her senses erupted wasn’t just because his mouth was wonderful. It was more than that. She’d never felt this passion before. This inherent need to connect physically with another person. Her entire body was on edge and every touch of his palm against her back, her thigh, her face . . . she just wanted him to feel the same way, the same crazed need she was feeling.
“Meg,” he mumbled into her mouth. “Sweetheart, wait. Stop.” Pushing slightly away, he pressed his forehead to hers, his chest heaving up and down much like hers. Her palms were on his pecs, rubbing up and down, feeling the small splay of hair on his chest. “We can’t. Not yet. Not right now.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t get distracted.”
“But—”
He gave her a quick peck on the lips and helped her down. “Please don’t make it harder than it is.”
“It shouldn’t be hard. This should be easy. You’re here, I’m here. We obviously want each other. What’s the problem?” She gently clawed on his chest wanting to grip him, hold him, force him to take her right there in the bathroom. Her heart was beating so rapidly she didn’t think it would ever return to its normal pulse.
“Two days ago was the first day I saw you in years. We hardly knew each other even back then. We can’t just start fucking. I’m here to take care of you, not to take advantage of you. It wouldn’t be right.”
Start fucking? Is that all it would’ve been?
She grumbled frustratedly. “God, how the tables have turned. All these years, I’ve thought about the fun, free-spirited guy who showed me how to loosen up and live wild, and made me feel sexy and valued.” She blew out a breath and moved her hands from his chest. “Thinking about you took me back to the best time of my life. I understand you’re trying to protect me, but damn it, this isn’t you. Where’s the guy that turned my world upside down and caused me to forget all my worries with one kiss?”
He didn’t respond.
