Page 122 of The Great Dating Fake Off
“It’s not the middle of nowhere to the people who live there,” I say. “And it matters to me. I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t important.”
“I know it does. And it is important. But what about you? What is your end goal?”
“Same as it’s always been—do something with my life. Maybe not bring shame upon the family, if I can swing it.”
She sighs. “Listen. I love my job and all,” Alessia says, “but a job is just a job. Even if it’s your passion. It won’t keep you warm at night. It won’t hold your hand when life takes a really scary or shitty turn. It can’t be all of who you are.”
“But that’s what it’s been for me. For my parents. For my grandparents. They always put their careers first.”
“Yeah, they put their careers first so much you never see them. I know my dad and I don’t always see eye-to-eye so I shouldn’t be commenting, but your parents aren’t perfect, either. They are humans following a passion, but they missed out on a lot with you, their only son, because of it. Are you really willing to sacrifice everything like they did just to feel like you’re contributing to the world the same way they have? That’s not fair. Or sustainable. Your parents have each other. So did your grandparents. Who do you have?”
I massage my temple, determined to stay objective, even as my heart and brain go to battle. “Say I stayed—say Nora wanted to give this a try. Genuinely what the hell would I do then for work? I don’t want to just paint houses all day.”
“You’re going to tell me that other nonprofits don’t exist?”
“I’m pretty high up with the club, believe it or not. I’ve built my reputation with them. That’s not easy.”
“I do enjoy you complimenting yourself for a change.” She takes a swig from her bottle. “Okay, but couldn’t you use that experience in some other way? I don’t know how it works, but can’t you manage the club here, even if it’s a pay decrease? Or maybe you move into a different position with the organization.”
“Traveling is partly why I chose this in the first place—because I get to take it far and wide. Reach the most people possible.”
“You are a nauseating and wholesome missionary, but you don’t have to be. You can do plenty of good right where you are and make a real impact day in and day out in people’s lives over time. And then you’d have a real shot at making a relationship with Nora work. Bottom line: can you be happy here? And not just because Nora is here.”
My mind wanders back to a cold lake and the warmest eyes I’ve ever seen. To something Nora said about a show with a bar where everyone knows your name. “I think there’s something about Great River I’ll never be able to shake. I like walking into Home Depot and being recognized by the guy stirring paint. I love turning off my GPS and recognizing last names when I meet kids through the club here in town. And I may even like you two, against all odds. My people are here.”
“There’s a word for all that, you know.” Alessia pulls up her calf socks, a smile stealing her lips. “Home.”
Home.
As I look between my two best friends, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
“Who would’ve guessed all it would take to get Sebastian home permanently is a hot woman?” Enzo teases, though there’s a fondness to it.
“Watch your mouth. She’s a hell of a lot more than a hot woman.”
Alessia and Enzo exchange a look and a guttural laugh.
“Touchy, touchy,” he goads.
“All right, fine.” I throw up my hands. “Maybe I am halfway in love with her.”
“I think you’re more than halfway there, buddy.” Shockingly, Alessia doesn’t sound smug. Just happy. “You two will make a cute if not nauseating couple, if all your eye-fucking at poker is any indication of what’s to come.”
“There’s the rather large issue of the club I’m supposed to start in Nebraska. I can’t bail on that.”
“Do you really need to be there in person for it? I’ve had gyno appointments that didn’t require my attendance, you’re going to tell me you can’t run an organization from afar?”
My head spins trying to take it all in.
“Yeah, I have to be there,” I say. “But maybe to get through this particular contract, I can be creative with my time. I will surely rack up some frequent flyer miles.”
“And when the contract is done?” she asks.
Great question.
I rejected other career ideas like teaching and coaching because it didn’t feel like it’d compare to what my parents do in terms of reach. A class of twenty, or a few classes of twenty, or even a team didn’t feel like enough. The word enough has always haunted me. Every club I start has the potential to reach thousands of kids over time, and I’ve clung to those numbers like they are markers of my worth.
But maybe quality is just as important as quantity. If Alessia’s right, there’s got to be something I can do here.
