Page 48 of Under His Command
With his other hand, he swipes his thumb gently under my eye, taking a tear with it. His tongue darts out when he brings it to his mouth, licking it off.
“You’ll be my wife. Carry my children. And live to tell the world stories of how worshipped you were by the madman who claimed you.”
His eyes soften on me, and my heart grows with an overwhelming feeling of want—of need. Of something so deep and primal that it would terrify me to unleash it all onto him.
“And to answer your question,” he continues, “it’s about control. About knowing that even when another man licks your pretty pussy while you’re squirming in my arms, I’m still the one who has the power to shut it down if I want to. I am the one who gives you that pleasure—not Leon, not any other man. Because I allow it. Does that make sense?”
I nod, taking in what he’s telling me. I wish I could crawl into his head and figure out the way he thinks about the world. I’ve never met a man like him before, that’s for sure.
A few moments of shared silence pass before one of us speaks again.
“Can I ask you something?” I say.
He sighs, smiling. “You can ask me anything you want. But be prepared for answers you might not want to hear. Or for no answer at all. I’d put you in danger if I told you some of the things you probably want to know.”
“I’m already in danger, though, aren’t I?”
“Not unless you leave my sight. If the EFW were to get ahold of you, angel…” he frowns, “they’d want to know everything I may have revealed to you about my plans. That won’t happen, of course, but I’m not taking any chances.”
“Well, this isn’t about the EFW. This is about you. And me. I keep getting the feeling that there’s something you’re not telling me about us. You said you’ll tell me what I mean to you one day. What does that mean?”
Rowan drags a hand through his hair, leaning his head back against the armchair. His other hand lowers to the pocket of his slacks, coming out with his phone in it.
“What we have, Dove, is not merely a product of these past few weeks spent together. Not to me, at least.”
“Okay,” I say, pondering his words, as I watch him scroll through his phone looking for something.
“I’m only showing you this because I believe you now know this is real between us.”
I nod, though my anxiety slowly flares up. Show me what?
Handing me the phone, I continue to look at him before slowly lowering my gaze to the screen.
“I love you,” he says. “And I’ve had five long years to love you without you knowing it.”
Confusion roils around me as every room of my apartment flashes before my eyes.
“After Cole’s death, after meeting you that day… I had to make sure you were protected, even if I couldn’t physically be there for you. Because the EFW doesn’t just want us—they’ve tried targeting our families in the past. So I knew they’d target you and your parents as well with Cole being gone. Him dying meant there was no one looking over you anymore.”
Rowan put cameras all over my apartment.
“But the more I watched you… the more I heard you come with my name on your lips night after night, I couldn’t help but become completely obsessed with you. Then I started watching you everywhere else. I watched the televised court cases you and your boss won and lost. I watched you shine, and I watched you crumble, and my heart kept asking, begging for you.
“For a while, I told myself I had to let you be, because I knew the kind of danger I’d put you in once I reached out. Still, every time I wanted to come and meet you, there was always some obstacle—something major, like a new attack or a new threat that needed my attention. At some point, I even started thinking someone was intentionally keeping me away from you.”
My heart leaps to my throat as I look back up from the phone, searching his eyes.
“And then, against my better judgment, I called. Because you put a fucking spell on me, and that day I snapped. I realized there was no going back for me after knowing you. But that isn’t even the worst part. You know why, Dove?
“W-Why?”
“Because I’m not sorry for making you mine. Even if I know I fucked up your life by… caging you in our home to protect you from threats you shouldn’t even have to worry about.”
I look into his eyes, my blood boiling with a feeling I can’t yet recognize.
Rage.
Fear.
