Page 61 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
Theo tilts his head back and laughs freely, one hand pressing his stomach. It’s such a wonderful sound that I unconsciously take a deep breath, wanting to capture it for myself. Giddy that it was me that caused his happiness. Remember Roberto, my brain screams. Someone who had shown me interest – took me out, bought me a drink, and told me I was pretty. But Theo places his large hand on my own, resting on the luggage, and Roberto becomes dust. My skin prickles at the contact, and I fight the urge to close my eyes and revel in it.
‘You’re funny.’ Theo looks down at our hands and wraps his fingers around my wrist, squeezing gently. ‘Let me, baby girl.’
My stomach flutters. Baby. Is he drunk? I check his eyes and can’t find anything to indicate a chemical imbalance, then try to mentally recall if we have already kissed and made up.
‘I got it,’ I say, trying to tug the suitcase back.
‘You should know by now that I usually get what I want.’
‘You lost the right to want anything from me after—’
‘After what I did in the archway,’ he finishes solemnly. ‘I know.’
‘And your impatience with my dress-up was quite rude as well,’ I add.
‘I know.’
‘Look, why don’t you save the grovelling for another girl. It’s clear that we don’t really know each other and I’m not in the mood to convince you I’m worth getting to know.’
He steps closer and the scent of clean cotton washes over me. Hair as dark as ink, glimmering in the afternoon light.
‘I’m getting really tired of people telling me I don’t fucking know you.’ His voice deepens. ‘Let me get to know you.’ The sun reflects off his necklace, which I now realize holds a simple gold ring. His eyes flutter to my mouth, and he sighs. ‘You don’t know how badly I want to.’
‘What is wrong with you? You only come to me when you’re bored with everyone else.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘It feels like it.’
He frowns, his grip faltering. If I were bolder, I would say something else. I would say: When you left me that night by the river, it felt like you carved something out of me. I let the words settle at the base of my throat until I can say anything at all.
He looks down at the ground for a split second, but it’s enough for his mask to slip. Suddenly, I can see all the dread and pain he’s been trying to hide behind his delicate touch of my wrist. It’s only for a second. He smirks again, ready to continue his façade. How silly. I want to die. I’m not the object of his affection but the distraction from his pain.
‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’
I tug my hand from his grip, and he takes the opportunity to reach for the luggage handle.
‘Good, now leave me alone.’
He arches an eyebrow, and it’s so much like his father, so condescending and entitled, that I have to blink a few times to get the image out. ‘I miss you, Maggie.’
I blanch, jerking my head back to look at him. My mouth feels dry and wooden. ‘Romantic,’ I scoff.
Looking past him, I see Dante trying to hop the fence between our houses, and I attempt to make my way to the car again.
‘Does it have to be?’ He glances at who I’m looking at and grabs my wrist again. ‘Does it have to be romantic, I mean?’ His voice aims for casual, but I can see a flash of urgency in his eyes. Desperation. It startles me how completely desperate he is. Maybe I don’t want to die, after all.
‘We could just have fun,’ he suggests, and I bite my lip in order not to laugh at what a complete idiot he’s being.
‘This is arguably the least fun conversation I’ve ever had.’
‘I could be more fun, for you, sweet Magdalen.’
‘You’ll be whatever anyone wants you to be, right?’ I stop walking. I can feel my anger, ravenous and violent. ‘So long as you get what you want,’ I finish.
Theo stops walking. I can see muscles in his jaw tense and relax as if he’s swallowing the rebuttals he wants to throw back. ‘You know fuck-all about me.’
‘And he’s back!’ I give a slow clap and start walking faster towards the car.
