Page 7 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
‘Oh jeez, thanks. Only took Theo seven fucking years to miss me.’
‘But only a year for me! Does that mean you love me more than your brother?’
Anika laughs, leaning her head against mine so we’re stacked on top of one another. ‘You’re telling me you’re not even a little excited for Lucia’s big day?’
I sigh, considering her question. ‘No, no, I am. Her and I haven’t ever been that close, you know? It’s not like you and Theo.’
‘Lucia loves you, Maggie. Surely you know that she’d be fucking devastated if you didn’t come.’
It’s easier to talk this way, head to head. ‘Of course, of course.’ I rush to change the subject: ‘Anyway, enough about me. How’s everyone here?’
‘Everyone’s fine. My parents are always at the museum so they’re never home, and I am still a disappointment, so really nothing has changed since you lived here!’
She takes a sip of her wine and then sighs. ‘And as much as I love to have you here, you were supposed to be in Peru.’ She lifts her head from mine, nudging me in the rib with her elbow. So much for the change of subject.
‘It’s Lucia’s big day. I already didn’t make the cut being maid of honour for my own sister, the least I could do is show up. Machu Picchu will still be there next summer.’
‘And maybe next time, you can invite me to meet this Emily girl.’
‘You hate planes! Last time I checked, you only do trains.’
‘Ugh, can you stop remembering everything I say! Your brain is freaky.’
It’s my turn to lift my head. ‘Because I remember that my best friend doesn’t like flying?’
‘You called me your best friend.’ Anika takes another gulp of her wine and wraps her arms around me tightly. ‘I missed you so much, freak,’ she whispers.
‘I promise you, I missed you so much more.’ I squeeze her back, feeling safe in her embrace. ‘I was homesick.’
‘Homesick?’ Anika detaches herself to look at me. ‘You decide to go to university in England and then decide you get homesick? Madonna, you could’ve stayed here with me and Dante! It’s not too late! Don’t go back!’
‘If those are my two options, I’ll go right back to England,’ I laugh. Dante, unlike Anika, is not good company for an extended amount of time. He and I were never close growing up. I think my shyness made him uncomfortable, and eventually he started hanging more around the Sinclairs’ house than ours once Jo and Lucia left.
‘Oh, fuck off.’ She shakes her head. ‘You’ve always been too smart for your own good, you and Theo both.’
She pauses, looking up at the coming twilight, and huffs out, ‘What the fuck happened to me? I put salt in my coffee yesterday, that’s what I did. Fucking salt! Jesus, the gene pool in this fucking family is rigged. So unfair.’
I try to stifle my laughter but it comes out as a snort, and Anika whips around to slap me on the shoulder.
‘Oh, fuck you then!’ She stands up and begins to pace, taking progressively larger sips of her wine between each aggression. ‘Fuck Theo, fuck my parents and, for the hell of it, fuck your parents too! Without you around I might as well run away and join a convent. You know how insufferable Dante is? I can’t do this any more. He made me shave his back last weekend, Maggie.’
She continues but my own laughter deafens her ramble. Finally, she joins too, and I’ve fallen off the bench with one hand on my stomach and the other stretched above my head, fingering the cool grass. Listening to my heartbeat, I take a deep breath in and stretch, feeling a deep, sedated calm wash over me. The wooden gate behind me opens, but we don’t hear it until soft footsteps begin to come up the gravel driveway.
6
THEO
My mum left a note:
DINNER AT SAVOYS.
BE THERE BEFORE EIGHT.
MUMMY
It is 7.50 now; pushing it. I paced for a few hours, drank what was left of my dad’s gin, took a cold shower; my cheeks feel warm and my nose is numb.
When I near the driveway, I hear laughter and can already tell one of the voices belongs to Anika, but the other is foreign, deeper than Anika’s, but rich. How can I not place it? My seven years away slowly settles in me and I come to a standstill at the gate, hesitant to intrude on the life that’s been built in my absence.
