Page 46 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
Dexter’s eyes dart towards Papa and then he sighs dramatically. ‘Aren’t you tired of being the poor, broken boy who hates his father? I thought you were smart enough to not be such a fucking cliché.’
‘I once thought you were smart, but it looks like we were both fucking wrong.’
‘Oh god, here we go again. Why don’t you leave if you hate us so much, Theo? Go. No one’s missed your dramatics. We were just fine without all this.’
Cinzia clutches her napkin but remains quiet, letting Dexter continue.
‘I’m not fucking here for you,’ Theo spits out.
‘Of course you’re not. God forbid I forget for one fucking second that I’m the worst father on this planet.’
Theo sighs. Reaching over to take the wine bottle on the table, he pours what’s left into his glass. ‘Just wondering, you do realize that the entire restaurant has stopped talking to watch you slobber all over yourself, right?’
Dexter sniffs and runs his hand over his face roughly, as if trying to break out of a spell. Is he high? My blood chills.
‘Ah, fuck off.’ He leans back in his chair, looking annoyingly adolescent. He waves his hand like he’s stranded, waving SOS to a passing waiter. ‘Can we get the bill?’
Anika clears her throat in the thick silence. ‘So, um, well, this was supposed to be the grand surprise for Lucia and Maio,’ she says quietly, ‘but Mamma and I booked a trip to Alassio next weekend for a celebration before the wedding.’ Her voice is unnaturally high as she tries to pull out some measure of happiness. ‘Just the kids,’ she adds, her eyes looking towards her father. He looks sweaty and disoriented, patting his breast pocket in search of his reading glasses. He’s so old he can’t see the things right in front of him, I think. He can’t even see Theo.
‘Oh, Anika. That’s wonderful!’ Lucia throws her hands around Maio and kisses him hard on the cheek. ‘This is exactly what we need!’
Maio blushes and leans into her kiss. ‘That’s really sweet. Thank you, Anika,’ he agrees demurely.
‘Oh please.’ Anika waves her hand to dodge the compliments away. ‘It’s not like I did it just for you. I get a vacation, too.’
Her joke falls flat as everyone keeps looking at Dexter, now squinting at the bill.
‘Anika, my god, woman, you’ve finally done something right.’ Dante raises his hand in mock prayer.
‘Never speak to me.’
‘Okay, baby girl.’ He stands up, stretching to look around at the families that sit nearby. After lingering too long on a child in a highchair, he shudders. ‘I mean, fuck, we’re already in Torino. Anyone down to keep this going somewhere with a little more je ne sais quoi?’
Papa walks around to my mother and places the shawl that hangs from her chair over her shoulders. She looks up at him and squeezes the hand that rests on her upper arm lovingly. I blink and look away, feeling embarrassed for Cinzia after having to watch her husband ruin the evening. Sure enough, she stands up, brushes her skirt and walks swiftly away. Alone.
Before I get up, I look at Theo one more time. He sits frozen in his seat, staring at a wine stain on the tablecloth. Having no influence or importance in his life, I walk up the stairs without looking back.
Lucia, Jo and Maio decide they’re tired and leave in Jo’s car. My father helps Dexter into his car, walking to the driver’s side. Cinzia shrugs meekly at Anika, her face soft and solemn, and decides to drive alone with my mother. Dante, Anika and I stand in the middle of the dark parking lot, listening to the distant chatter of people along the river. Dante fumbles for a cigarette; the three minutes of silence are far too intense for him. After another minute, Theo’s head pops up from the stairs and he smiles awkwardly as he approaches us.
‘Well, that was fucking awful.’ His elbow brushes against mine as he walks to stand next to Dante.
Hesitantly, Dante looks to Theo. ‘I’m sorry, Dexter’s a dick when he’s drunk.’
Theo’s eyebrows raise and he glances at Anika as if asking for permission. She rolls her eyes and grabs Dante’s cigarette from his mouth.
‘High,’ Theo corrects, shrugging his shoulders as if his father being on drugs is minor.
‘No way your dad does drugs.’ Dante’s mouth falls open in bewilderment, his eyes flickering from Theo to Anika, and I know that if he were a little drunker, he might be bold enough to say something comforting to her.
Anika snorts. ‘Every time he “celebrates”, he almost always pre-games with some snow.’
‘No shit.’ Dante shakes his head in disbelief. ‘I thought I knew everything about you guys.’
Not knowing what to say, I just nod, feeling sad and uncomfortable for Theo and Anika. For a few moments, the only sound in the parking lot is the paper of Anika’s cigarette burning, stolen from between Dante’s fingers. I close my eyes, breathing in the trail of smoke.
‘Does your friend want to join us?’ Theo says, and it takes me a moment to process he’s directing this question to me.
‘Who?’ Using my left foot to scratch my right ankle, I hold onto Dante’s shoulder to keep my balance.
