Page 27 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
I stiffen, trying not to look at her. Even in my fucking peripheral she’s all I see. Ridiculous. I feel like a teenager stealing glances at a Playboy magazine in the barber shop. The sound of her voice pulls me in and, before I have the chance to resist, my eyes find her. I sigh. Magdalen leans against the desk, her hair now clipped up to show the sharp angles of her face. Freckles concentrate around her nose and my fingers hum to trace them. To count them.
And because I’m looking at her, it becomes glaringly obvious that she is not looking at me. ‘That’s disrespectful, Papa. Without America we wouldn’t have condensed milk! We love condensed milk.’
‘Condensed milk?’ I ask. She looks at me, eyes spelling out asshole, and then to her father, whose eyebrows are raised in amusement.
‘Yes, in 1856 Gail Borden invented condensed milk.’ Her voice is reserved, like she’s testing to see if she can continue without being interrupted. ‘Some would say a revelation to the modern-day baking industry.’ She locks eyes with me. I swallow again, holding her gaze. Even across the distance of the room, the vividness of her green eyes is startling.
‘Long live condensed milk,’ I murmur, my throat feeling tight.
‘Ah, yes! Let us say a silent thank you to dear Mr Borden,’ Dr Savoy sighs happily, looking between the two of us. ‘And may his contribution be remembered for ever!’ Smacking his hands together playfully, Dr Savoy points at the two of us.
‘My my, the two of you! So tall and grown up. You both have become beautiful before my very eyes.’
‘Papa, please.’
‘It is true, no? Theo, when is the last time you saw Magdalen? Probably when she was—’
‘Thirteen.’ It was the last thing I thought about before going to sleep last night. She was thirteen, writing in a journal while Anika made up a dance routine in our living room. I had to walk past them to get to my room.
Magdalen snorts, dipping her head back, and my eyes find the delicate curve of her neck. I lick my lips, imagining the soft flesh beneath my tongue. If I really let myself imagine it, I hear the soft moans she would make in my ear as I sucked on the sensitive skin.
‘Wow! So long ago. You two must have a lot of catching up to do!’
My god, I need help. Her father is in the room.
‘Anyway, I didn’t mean to disturb you both. I assumed no one would be in the museum this early. I’ll leave.’ My hand hovers above the doorknob, ready to escape the tension in the room. Tension created by my desire to feel Magdalen beneath me when her fucking father, my mentor, is two feet away. I try to remember if I still have Chiara’s number so I can resolve this teenage-like lust without Magdalen ever knowing.
Dr Savoy settles back in his chair, arms crossed over his stomach. ‘No, no. My wife thinks I need to appreciate the solitude of mornings. She sets my alarm for five thirty a.m. now.’ He huffs and I frown, surprised.
‘I thought you got your best work done at night?’ I can’t hide the judgement in my tone.
‘This is true. But what I’ve learned is that it’s much easier to change than we think it is. You just have to want it enough. I saw that it made her unhappy that I was always in my office at night and decided it was time I made the effort to change.’
‘But you love the night-time,’ I repeat.
He sighs, exasperated. ‘I love my wife more than I love the night, Theo.’
I can feel Magdalen watching us. Her brows are furrowed in confusion. We’ve always been in a group setting together, and it strikes me that she’s never seen her father and me interact alone.
‘Well, have you tried talking to her about it? Because I don’t see how it’s fair that you have to change who you are. I mean there are studies that literally prove that people work best at different hours, for fuck’s sake. Smells like bullshit. You’re not the only one who has to sacrifice for her happiness, Claudio.’
The silence is deafening. I bite the inside of my cheek, looking down at the tiled floor, heat creeping up my neck. Why do I always say the wrong thing?
He readjusts the metal frame of his glasses, looking resigned. ‘Magdalen, perhaps you should show Theo around the museum. Show him what’s changed. The new exhibit Dexter helped lead is quite a treat.’
I glance over at Magdalen, who although confused does not look angry at me for arguing with her father. She shrugs, picking a piece of invisible lint from her skirt.
‘Certo, Papa. I’ll see you later tonight.’ She walks over to behind the leather chair, squeezing his shoulders affectionately. ‘Enjoy the cornetto.’
‘Follow me.’ And when she looks at me, even two metres away, I almost trip in place.
I look at Claudio one last time, whose demeanour has shifted from father to doctor. I know I’ve upset him.
Turning around to leave, I’m halfway through the door when I hear him say, ‘Dinner is at eight tonight. Under the veranda. Wear a shirt that doesn’t look like it’s been dragged through mud.’ A laugh escapes me as I take in my shirt. A single hole on the far bottom right. ‘Also, try to come not drunk this time.’
I roll my eyes but my heart swells, feeling seen. ‘For you, I’ll wear a suit.’
Magdalen snorts and I flash a grin at her. She’s so much livelier around Claudio. Waving behind my back to Dr Savoy, I walk behind her out towards the gift shop.
