Page 14 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
‘So we were close physically, sure. But we never talked.’
‘Did you want to talk to me?’ My voice is low, curious as I finger the silk ribbon in her hair.
‘I was thirteen when you left. I was too afraid to even want to have a conversation with you.’ She puts emphasis on ‘want’ and it settles in my stomach. It’s odd to think this is the same lanky girl who used to make crab-apple pudding for faeries she and Anika were convinced lived in our backyard. They screamed for hours when they found out crab apples stain your skin and rushed to my mother for help with their bright orange hands. I was sent to the market to buy the soap.
‘You mean because your haircut was so awful?’
Magdalen gasps and tries to bury her face in my shoulder but my hand comes to her chin, holding her face up so she has to look at me. Without meaning to, I brush the freckle above her eyebrow and smile. ‘It was cute.’
Magdalen smiles – and is that a blush? My hand finds her chin again.
‘It looked like I was drafted into the military.’
Now it’s my turn to laugh as I remember how short Vittoria used to cut her hair. Why was that? She was right: it was cut with military precision right above her chin.
‘She loved a pair of scissors.’
‘She just didn’t want my hair to compete with hers.’
I frown. ‘You mean she was jealous of a kid?’ The hand holding her chin now rests softly on her shoulder, my thumb between her jaw and neck, her pulse beating against my fingers.
‘No, no,’ she says, but I’m unconvinced. ‘I don’t know why I brought it up.’ Magdalen looks away and that’s when we both spot Anika coming towards us. She lets go of me. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself asking her to stay for one more dance.
‘Thank you,’ she whispers.
‘Any time. Really.’ Really, Magdalen. Give me one more dance so I can get this out of my system. We can dance the pasodoble, if that’s what you want, march together side by side down the streets of Chivasso, I don’t care. Just let me have music and you, for five more minutes.
I still feel her skin underneath me and I’m worried for a moment by just how much more I crave.
Magdalen gestures to the bar and Anika nods her head. ‘I’m going to try to get drinks again. Do you want anything?’
‘No, thanks,’ I say, my voice low. Still feeling her on me. She nods and turns to the bar. ‘Also, stop winking at boys who are trying to flirt with you, Magdalen.’
Her head whips back around, eyes widening like she has no clue what I’m talking about. ‘I did not wink,’ she scoffs. ‘I do not wink.’
‘Do you have some sort of flirting amnesia? You nearly had me on my knees with that wink.’
‘Well, wouldn’t that be a sight.’ Blood rushes to her cheeks and I have to fight the urge to grab her head and lick those precious cheeks to see if they’re as sweet as her lips look.
I shrug. ‘Just let me know when you’d like me below you.’
Magdalen’s eyes widen again and her lips part, clearly surprised. Adorable. Confused. I curse myself for taking it too far. ‘Noted,’ she says in a harsh exhale, and turns to walk to the bar again, this time staying on the opposite side of Antonio. ‘Goodnight, Theo. Thanks for the dance.’
‘Goodnight, Magdalen.’
Once she’s gone, I bury my face in my hands. ‘Fucking idiot,’ I murmur to myself, embarrassed, turned on, and unsure where to put this energy from talking to Magdalen. When I decide to find Dante again, I turn to see Anika right behind me.
‘So?’ she asks suspiciously. ‘What was that?’
‘Fucking hell. How much did you hear?’
‘According to my calculations, you lasted about twelve fucking minutes.’ She rests her hands on her hips with smug satisfaction. Behind us, two men start arguing loudly, so Anika grabs my wrist, pulling me to the corner of the dance floor.
‘I know, I know. But to be fair, you could have told me that Magdalen grew up to look like a fucking angel. Really, when did that happen? Surely I wasn’t gone for that long.’ My body feels desperate to turn around to look at her again, to pull that red ribbon out of her hair.
Anika smiles sadly, looking past me at Magdalen. ‘You can’t, Theo. She’s not into that.’
‘Into what, Anika?’ I’m annoyed that Anika thinks I’m only capable of fucking a girl and running away after I come.
