Page 80 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
‘I’m fine,’ I spit, looking straight at Dante. He shakes out his hand and looks down at it like he’s surprised he hit me, and I have to smile. Seven years ago, Dante Savoy would never dream of risking an injury on a street fight. Maybe I really don’t know him any more. ‘He’s wanted to do that for a long time.’ I roll my neck out and groan slightly.
‘You’re not even going to deny it?’
‘Deny what?’ I say with a tired breath, trying to wipe away the blood that seems to be everywhere now.
‘Don’t play stupid, okay? You left cause of your dad, right? You left Anika all by herself because you’re too chicken shit to say anything to him and you hoped she would fix this by the time you decided it was safe to come home.’
At the mention of Anika’s name, something in me snaps and, before I know it, my hands are wrapped around his neck so tightly I feel his blood pulsing beneath my palms. I’m aware of people stopping to watch us, probably thinking this is two drunken idiots fighting over nothing, but I don’t care. I squeeze harder and Dante gags, choking pathetically as I cut off his air supply. When his face starts turning bright red, I squeeze harder.
‘Why I left is none of your fucking concern,’ I whisper in his ear so only he can hear. ‘But just know, I will always be a better brother than you. I would fucking kill anyone for her, including you, you selfish prick. Can you say the same for your sister? Have you ever spent a minute protecting Magdalen?’ I release him harshly and back away from them both. He coughs roughly, sputtering incoherent gasps as Anika grabs him and hauls him up before he falls to the ground.
‘Anika, be safe tonight. I’ll leave the key underneath the fern,’ I yell, and begin to jog out of the cluster of people now gathered around us.
‘Crazy,’ I hear Dante mutter. ‘Batshit crazy asshole.’
‘What the fuck, Theo?!’ she yells. ‘You can’t bloody choke Dante and then tell me to be safe, you idiot.’
Chuckling slightly, I pick up my pace, eager to see Magdalen. Although nothing’s changed, and it’s going to be a hard fucking graft getting her to accept my apology, I feel better, closer to who I want to be. My blood has dried by the time I make it back to the house.
I fumble with the key, the darkness watching as I aimlessly probe the elusive hole. Not a single lamp outside this villa and it’s a guessing game that I am pathetically losing as the tip of the key scrapes the door. Cursing loudly, I slam my foot into the door but immediately cringe at my stupidity. This can’t be fucking happening. I tap the door with my head in gentle knocks.
‘Theo?’ a voice whispers from somewhere to the left of me. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘San Antonio.’ I jump at the sound and try to squint through the darkness, though I’d recognize that voice anywhere. ‘Magdalen, what the hell are you doing outside?’
I remember nothing as I fall to my knees in front of her. After a few moments in the darkness, my eyes adjust and I can see her curled up on the chair, hugging herself with the sarong wrapped tightly around her. Touching her ankle, I inhale sharply at her coldness.
‘You’re fucking freezing,’ I hiss and instinctively go to pick her up, but then remember how she flinched away last time, so I pause, shoving my hands in my pockets to keep from touching her. ‘Have you been outside this whole time?’
‘I didn’t have a key.’ Her teeth chatter slightly, and dread fills me instantly. How long has she been here? Freezing while I was having drinks with another woman and strangling Dante against a wall.
‘Magdalen, let me take you inside. Please, let me take you inside.’ It comes out as a whisper.
In the darkness, I see her nod and it’s all I need. I rush to scoop her up, bringing her tight against my body.
‘It seems like you’re always saving me,’ she says weakly, embarrassed. White noise fills my mind and I fight down the rage that claws its way up.
‘Oh no.’ I press her to me closely. ‘You’ve saved me just by existing.’
Magdalen leans herself into me, already her skin feeling slightly warmer, and miraculously the key slides in. ‘You left me.’
My heart breaks. I’m surprised I can still fucking walk. ‘I know.’
‘I thought things were different now.’
‘They are.’
‘You left me. Everything’s the same.’
Unable to stand this for one more moment, I can do nothing but hold her together.
‘Hold on to me,’ I say while opening the door. When we get inside the entryway, Magdalen shudders from the temperature difference but soon enough sighs in relief, unconsciously snuggling further into my arms.
‘Okay, you can put me down now.’ She squirms a little and I release her from my grasp, feeling desperately bare without her. We stand in the dark living room for a moment and Magdalen clears her throat.
‘Let me turn the light on,’ I say, to stall, to have a few more minutes with her just near me. ‘Go get that blanket on the couch.’
Flicking the lamp on in the corner of the room, I brace myself to see her again, afraid that she might’ve already disappeared. A trick of the light. I stare at the lightbulb, my eyes adjusting to the warm orange glow. Magdalen. I think I’ve dreamed in darkness for so long because I was meant to wake up for you. Turning around, Magdalen stands there, barefoot and wrapped in a blanket in the middle of the wooden floor, so overwhelmingly perfect that I have to look away for a moment and adjust to reality. She’s not mine to make warm.
