Page 65 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
A few words scribbled and all that anger following our rendezvous in Torino bleeds away with a little pen to paper. I sigh. He’ll be back in New York soon enough. Why not have some fun in the meantime?
Opening my luggage, the sound of my own gasp startles me when I find the contents completely rearranged.
‘Theo, this is a major invasion of privacy,’ I grumble through a smile as I take in what he’s done. My pyjamas are definitely gone. Instead, the lingerie Marta supplied me with sits neatly on top of my clothes. Lavender thong. Lavender bra. White socks with lace lining, oddly enough. A uniform for the sexually repressed.
‘Oh my god.’ My head falls into the open luggage as I process Theo seeing me in this. ‘Oh my god,’ I say again, because what else is there to say?
‘Should I ask?’
My head jerks up to see Anika, clad in her bright orange bikini and tiny sarong, looking at me through the door frame.
‘Oh, it’s nothing.’ I quickly shut my luggage and stand up. But it happens in slow motion, the paper falls onto the floor and Anika’s eyes dart to it and the white T-shirt in my hand.
‘Don’t you da—’ I start, but Anika dives to the floor before I can even get my knees to bend.
‘Is it from Roberto?’ She crumples the paper tightly in her hand, rolling across the carpeted floor so she’s out of reach.
‘No! You know how it went with him.’
‘So who’s it from, then?’ Her breathing is fast, paper still held tightly in her hand.
‘Anika, don’t open it.’ I crawl towards her but she kicks her tiny feet out, stopping me.
‘Tell me!’ She wiggles her toes, almost touching my forehead before I back away.
‘I can’t.’
‘Why not? Are you fucking a priest?’
‘Anika!’
‘A rabbi?’
‘Okay, you’ve made your point,’ I huff, lying down on my back. The ceiling fan humming is the only noise in the room for a moment. I take a breath out.
‘My brother?’ she says, a slight edge in her voice. I roll my head to look at her, unsure if she’s joking or not. My heart stammers. A million denials, justifications, confessions at the ready, but I remain silent, remembering Theo’s words.
Just don’t tell Anika, okay?
‘Please, be serious.’ My voice cracks at the end and I try to smile to make up for it but my lips feel numb and I’m unsure if I said anything at all.
‘I am.’ She throws the crumpled paper at my stomach, the paper bouncing off my hip and landing between us. It lands closer to her than it does to me. ‘I know something happened.’
I sit up, resting on my elbows as I continue to stare at her, at a loss for words, for excuses.
‘I know because Theo told me,’ she interrupts before I even get the chance to speak. Just don’t tell Anika, okay? Did I mishear?
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean he told me something happened between you two after Lucia’s engagement dinner.’
‘Oh.’ I frown, feeling both hurt and relief. His parting words were a lie to get me out of his sight. Did he sit down and gossip about me with Anika over drinks? Maybe he met up with her and Dante right after. Maybe they laughed together.
I see his snarl, how his canine tooth poked out when he was telling me off. It was so sharp, so predatory, and it was inside my mouth. I remember wishing he had made me bleed.
‘Maggie, you don’t need to hide shit like that from me.’
‘Oh,’ I sniffle. ‘Okay.’
