Page 108 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
‘I know,’ I smile. The cellist drags his bow softly against one of the strings a final time. I look back to Theo, who stares at me, desperate, frozen. And I know he loves me.
‘One day, I’ll come back to this museum, and I’ll see you here.’ His voice shakes, and he clears his throat. ‘And I’ll know it’s you because of your stupid overalls and faded old T-shirts. I hope by then I’ll have finally talked to my dad, sat him down and told him what that day fucking did to me.’ I let the tears spill out of me, not caring that I’m crying at my sister’s wedding. I know he loves me, yes. But I can feel the end coming.
‘But maybe then I’ll be whole. Less afraid of him,’ he laughs, and a tear falls down onto the white shirt underneath his jacket. I watch it expand and settle in the fabric. My palm comes to his cheek, tears falling between the divots of my fingers.
‘And there will be so much room for you in here.’ He takes my hand and lays it on his heart, pressing hard. ‘There will be so much room. For you.’
‘One day,’ I whisper back.
58
THEO
ONE WEEK LATER
‘We are gathered here today to celebrate the Summer of Return.’
Dante, Anika, Magdalen and I sit on the cool stairs underneath the bell tower in Chivasso. It is 3 a.m. and the town is asleep, with only the moon to light the piazza. In a rare occasion, there are no crickets – just silence and Dante’s loud fucking breathing.
‘The return of my baby sister and the king of Chivasso.’ He has an open wine bottle in his hand, and points to Magdalen and me before taking a swig. ‘Who are now fucking.’
Magdalen gasps and covers her eyes. ‘Dante!’
‘The truth will set you free, sister. We’re in front of a church, do you really want to deny your sin on Theo’s last night here?’ Even as a joke, my heart lurches when I think about leaving them again.
‘Objection.’ Anika reaches across Magdalen to take the wine bottle from Dante. ‘They haven’t fucked.’
Yes, we fucking have.
‘This is not happening.’ Magdalen buries her head in her hands further.
‘Yes, good Magdalen, cover your ears,’ Dante says. ‘Theo? Is this true?’
‘Not talking about this.’
‘Okay, you’ll tell me later.’
‘No, I really won’t.’
Anika stands up and shoves the bottle into Magdalen’s lap, holding up a small black plastic bag.
‘Enough of this. Whether the two consummated the union is irrelevant. Let’s consummate the summer.’
Before any of us have time to ask what she means, Anika pulls out a small teal gun and Dante screams.
‘What the fuck, Anika? Is this some sort of Romeo and Juliet murder-suicide?’ I let their chatter fill my head so I don’t have to think about my beautiful phantasma. She’s a metre away. I can smell her from here, honeysuckle and lavender, and I lean closer, breathing deeper. Memorizing.
Anika stares at Dante, dumbfounded. ‘I’m genuinely afraid to go away with you.’
Magdalen perks up, and I realize I’ve been staring at her, so I clear my throat and try to focus on Anika’s words.
‘Go where?’ she asks.
Dante groans, annoyed. ‘Fuck, Anika. Way to go ruin the surprise.’
‘What’s going on?’ Magdalen looks between Anika and Dante, who stare at each other anxiously.
Annoyed, in love, I yell loudly for Magdalen’s sake. ‘Tell us right fucking now!’
