Page 61 of Planned Seduction
Amy bit her lip. She felt tortured, plagued with doubt. There were so many misgivings about her shifting relationship with Daniel, she could write a thesis on trepidation.
“Same old, same old. Daniel’s not in this for the long haul.” Her anxiety at his inevitable departure ate away at her. While part of her celebrated their newfound sexual relationship, another, more practical part wished it had never happened. “I’m scared if I tell him how I feel, he’ll bolt.”
Maggie narrowed her eyes but didn’t say anything.
Amy sighed dejectedly, squeezing her lids shut against the inquisitive stare of her friend. “Besides, voicing my feelings to him would make it too real, make me too vulnerable. If I expose my deepest emotions to him, it’ll hurt more when he leaves me.”
“You already love him. Telling him isn’t going to change that or make you love him any less. If he leaves, it’s going to hurt, any way you look at it. But what if he loves you, too? What if he plans to hang around? You’re jumping the gun, assuming he’ll take off if he knows how you really feel.”
Amy chewed on the inside of her cheek, her emotions so conflicted she couldn’t deal with them. “I’m terrified, Mags.”
“Of a man you’ve known since you were a kid?”
“Of the intensity of my feelings for him.” The intensity seemed to grow by the minute. It made sense she’d fallen in love. Emotions this big, this deep, could be nothing other than love.
“Trust Daniel to do right by you.”
“I want to. But it’s all getting messed up in my mind. The harder I fall for him, the more I fear I’ll lose him. He’s everything to me. My friend, my lover, my support, my rock. If things don’t work out, and we call off this whole friends-with-benefits thing, I don’t have any guarantees. What if he wants to call off the friends thing, too?”
“You can’t live your life based on what-ifs.”
“I have to consider the what-ifs. I’ve lived my life based on noes for so long. No more relationships, no more men, no more intimacy. Now Daniel’s barreling through my defenses and changing all my noes to yeses.” The impenetrable wall she’d erected around her heart was crumbling, brick by brick. “It’s hard to adjust. Daniel’s not just a friend anymore. The turmoil’s doing my head in. I want to believe he and I can do this, and we can weather the friends-with-benefits storm, or maybe even make it as a couple in the long run. But a lifetime of experience has taught me differently. So it doesn’t matter how much I want us to work out, I can’t perceive of a way we will.”
“How about you stop worrying about what might be and start enjoying what is? Focus on the here and now.”
Amy smiled. That was the easy part. “The here and now is good.”
Maggie returned her smile. “And by the look of satisfaction on your face, the sex is good, too.”
“Better than good.” The sex was incredible. With Daniel, the most mundane actions became incredible sexual experiences.
With Daniel, she turned into a fiery sex kitten, a woman with a voracious appetite for making love. Daniel’s hunger was as insatiable as hers. No opportunity was frowned upon or overlooked. When they could make love, they did. Frequently.
Take last night, for instance. They’d been sitting companionably in his lounge, she doing a crossword, he reading, when she’d accidentally dropped her pen and had to crouch down on the floor to pull it out from under her chair.
“Don’t move an inch,” Daniel had rasped.
On her hands and knees, her butt stuck in the air, she’d looked over her shoulder and been blinded by the raw desire playing across his face.
“Not an inch.”
She’d watched, powerless to move while he’d unbuttoned his jeans, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps as he’d shucked his pants and knelt behind her.
Right there on the floor, he’d lifted her skirt, shoved her panties aside, and fucked her from behind. She’d taken every last pulsing inch of him, crying out his name until she’d finally collapsed under him, her body and his a writhing mass of post-orgasmic bliss.
“Take that goodness, Ame,” Maggie said. “Take the friendship and the fantastic sex and enjoy them. Use them as the basis for any relationship to come. Forget about the what-ifs and the fears and uncertainties.”
“I thought I was the counselor here, not you.”
“Maybe so, but I’m the nurse, and I know when someone needs a good dose of common sense. Have faith in Daniel. Have faith in both of you. You have half a lifetime of trust invested in him already. He’s a safe bet.”
Amy wanted to throw caution to the wind and do as Maggie advised. Up until now, Daniel had been the safest, most trustworthy person she knew. There was no reason to think that might change.
No reason except a lifetime of experience that had taught her intimate relationships didn’t last. Why would this one would be any different?
…
“Hi.” He lounged in her doorway, eyeing her hungrily. A huge grin was plastered across his face.
