Page 94 of Flock
I’m fighting. He’s put me in a dangerous position with his explanation, but he’s also left the door wide open on the other side of it for a quick escape. The problem is, I can’t even look at the threshold, because it means losing him. Knowing nothing about the party is my saving grace. I can walk away now with no ties. Merely aware of their existence but with nothing that incriminates me.
He runs a knuckle along my wobbling chin, and I look up to see we’re parked in his driveway. I’ve been so lost in my thoughts I didn’t follow his route home.
“I thought you were taking me home?”
“I didn’t tell you which home.”
“You’re a good liar.”
“You’re a terrible one.” His beautiful chest bounces. “And you don’t really want to go home.”
He reaches for me again and I shy away from his touch because it will draw me further in. Right now, I’m toeing a very dangerous line in some sort of alternate reality.
“Cecelia, I tried to ease you into this the best way I could. I had to be able to trust you.”
“I still don’t know anything.”
“And that kept you safe from your involvement and all that it implied. But from this point forward, your decision changes that.”
Chin set, he looks over to me. “I have a lot to lose, too.” He turns his head, looking out the window, and I swear I hear “more,” muttered under his breath. He rests his head back on the seat and sighs before his head lolls back my way, his expression weary. “You’ll go crazy trying to figure it out. Everything we do, we do for good reason. If you choose to stay, a lot of your questions will be answered over time. But everybody at the party has to earn their place. No exceptions.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Not tonight, and not until you’ve made your decision. And even then, I can’t guarantee I’ll answer. Come on, let’s get some sleep.”
He cuts the engine and gets out of his car. I follow him silently into his house and up the stairs to his bedroom. Everything has changed—every part of my involvement. I must be a willing participant in whatever comes next, or I have to walk away from him. I can feel the weight of my decision already weighing heavy on my heart.
When he closes the bedroom door, he pulls off his shirt and slips off his boots.
I’m too exhausted from the crash of adrenaline to fight, and he clearly is as well. He unbuckles his jeans and shoves them off, along with his boxers. The sight of him naked has my fingers itching to touch his body; my blood pulses more rapidly, but inside all I feel is dread.
I’m already more than halfway in love with this man, and walking away will break my heart. He watches me carefully, no doubt reading my thoughts, and then goes down the hall into his bathroom, leaving the door open, before turning on the shower.
An invitation.
Another decision.
I follow, shut the door, strip bare and join him. He draws me to him, kissing me for long minutes. Back in his room, we’re silent when we towel off and I pull on one of his T-shirts before slipping into bed, into his waiting arms.
“Please understand—there was no other way,” he murmurs into my neck, pulling me snugly into his body. He’s hard, but he doesn’t act on it, he just keeps me firmly tucked into him, weakening me with his scent.
I should feel betrayed, but I do understand the “why” of how he introduced me to it. And now I also understand that if I’m in, I’ll have to become a lot better at lying, and if I can’t keep a secret, it will cost me a lot more than a broken heart.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Sean sleeps next to me, passing out just minutes after his head hit the pillow. I lie in his hold, restless, my thoughts running rampant.
This could cost me my future.
One misstep, and being implicated in any of their shady dealings could cost me my life.
Is becoming tangled up with them worth it?
What kind of future can we have?
This isn’t a phase for them that they’ll outgrow, this is their way of life. Their purpose. Do I want to be anchored to it by a relationship that may or may not work out?
It’s insane, this decision, this choice. One I never thought in a million years I would be faced with.
