Page 138 of Flock
“I care about them. Deeply. Just let me do my part.”
“If that’s true, stop being so fucking selfish. They’re content with letting you go, and you need to woman up and do the same.”
“You can’t keep me away from them!”
“You know I can. Every door you knock on will not open. No one will go near you. As of this moment, right now ... you no longer exist. And you never did.”
Rage like I’ve never known courses through me as I spew my venom.
“Fuck you, you backwoods fake-ass fucking Robin-Hood-wannabe son of a bitch!” I jerk my arm away and he lets me. “Get the hell out!”
He steps back, sliding his mammoth hands into his slacks, eyes blazing, voice arctic. “This is exactly why I don’t want you anywhere near us.”
I lift a hand. “Please, you’re using the fact that I get a period as an excuse to eradicate me from the tribe? You and your group of vigilantes are supposed to be the do-gooders, right? We’re supposed to be thankful to your sordid dick circle?” I huff. “Well, allow me to thank you on behalf of all of us pussy-wielding predators,”—I exaggerate a bow—“thank you so much, but again, I’m not your enemy.”
I lift my chin.
“They trusted me because they knew I was capable of handling it, and they made sure of it. They trusted me because I love them, and they knew I’d have their backs because of that love. Dismiss it all you want, but it’s a driving force that will ensure my loyalty, not negate it, and help me to do whatever it takes to protect them as much as they are me. And you.”
Some sort of recognition flits over his features with my confession. Just as quickly, it evaporates. “You were never supposed to be involved.”
“But I am now, so let me do my part.”
“That’s two minutes,” he turns to walk in the direction of the woods, and I speak up because I know no amount of scheming will give me back his audience.
“I do love them. Maybe they screwed up, but what got me involved is their allegiance to you and your cause, everything all of you collectively stand for. They didn’t expect to love me back, they expected to use me, but the fact that they weren’t capable of deceiving me on that level is why I’m standing here fighting to be there for them. I’m still angry, but I understand. They made me understand. And maybe this had nothing to do with me, but it now has everything to do with me. Please. Let. Me. Help.” I wipe the weakness from my eyes and stare after him. He’s magnificent and cruel, and far beyond anything I expected to face today. I was expecting my golden sun or my cool dark cloud, and the thought of never seeing them again is too much to bear. I’m begging, and I shouldn’t be. I should pack up and leave and kiss this whole town goodbye. Fuck my father and the bed he made. We have no relationship, and I could try to find another way, a safer way, to take care of my mother. But as the thought occurs, images of Sean and Dominic and the fear of the unknown cripples me. I can’t bring myself to walk away. Not yet.
“I believe in this, in everything you’re doing, in everything you stand for. I want in.” It’s the absolute truth, but I fear I’ve spoken up too late.
Back turned, he pulls my top from his pocket and frees it at his side before it falls to the deck. “I’ll think about it.”
