Page 19 of Faith for the Cowboy
The silence stretched on, and Lawson wondered if he should just tell her to forget he had said anything. If that was how she felt, they should just make it through until she got a car and left for another rodeo.
He had let himself imagine there was something there. He would have to let that go.
"I’m sorry," he said. "I must have read this wrong. Let’s just ride and forget I said anything."
"Lawson…" Harper said.
He held up a hand. "No, it’s fine. You don’t have to respond."
"I just needed a minute to think." She sighed. "I really like spending time with you. Even though I came here because I didn’t have anywhere to go, it has been one of the best times I’ve had in a long while. I love being here on the ranch and talking with you."
"I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming," Lawson said.
"I’m sorry, there is. It’s just that I travel all the time. I’m not used to staying in one place, and I just…" She paused. "I just didn’t plan to get involved with someone."
"Ever?"
She shrugged. "I don’t know. I’ve gotten used to my life being this way. It’s been a long time since I’ve had anybody waiting on me for dinner or taking time to have a conversation. I’m a nomad."
"Doesn’t that ever get lonely?"
Harper looked away, but when she turned back, he could see the tears filling her eyes. "All the time."
Lawson reached out and took her hand in his as he pulled his horse to a stop. "Then let’s give it a try. You don’t have to be lonely."
"But I still love what I do. And I love being around rodeo events and traveling.”
"You don’t have to give that up. But what if you had a place to come home to?”
The words hit Harper hard. Home. It had been so long since she had had a home. Sure, she had stayed a couple of places for a few weeks or a month, but then it was on to the next event. More often than not, she felt like she was overstaying her welcome. That thought had crossed her mind every day about the Macklins. When would they be tired of her?
"I’m not used to having a home anymore," she said. “I stayed away from my parents’ house because it’s too hard. And nothing else has felt like home.”
"I know." He ran his thumb over her fingers, and it sent her heart racing. "But things can change."
"Maybe," she bit her lip. "That scares me."
Lawson’s eyes softened with compassion. "Really?"
She nodded. "My life is different, and maybe it’s lonely sometimes. But it’s what I’m used to. I know what to expect."
"And you’re afraid if you try something new, you might be disappointed."
She shrugged. "I don’t know. I just don’t think about things like a future with someone, or…" Her voice drifted off.
"Or losing someone again," Lawson finished for her.
Harper nodded. "I’m not strong enough to do that again."
Lawson opened his mouth to speak but shook his head and looked away.
Harper knew he wanted to say that she wouldn’t lose him. But he knew that bad things happen, and life is unpredictable. He couldn’t make that kind of promise.
"I like you, Lawson. Really, I do. I just don’t know what a relationship would look like."
"I don’t either," he said. "But I’m not worried about it. The way I see it, we can walk away and never know, and maybe that’s easier. Maybe there’s no risk, so it seems like we won’t get hurt. But Harper, I’m sure if we don’t try, it’s going to hurt. I want to get to know you more, and I want to be with you. I want you to know that I like you more than just a casual friend. I would like us to be more and just see where it takes us. I think we can make it work. Would you be willing to give it a try?"
Harper bit her lip. She slid her hand from his and held onto the reins. Nudging her horse, they started moving forward again. Maybe forward was the direction she wanted to go with Lawson, but she wasn’t sure yet. "Can I think about it?" she asked.
