Page 27 of Faith for the Cowboy
“Hey, Dad.” His dad looked at him and gave a faint smile.
“Lawson, son. I’m glad you’re here.” Dad’s voice was weak, but clear.
“Dad, we don’t have to talk now. It’s okay. I’m sorry for upsetting you. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going anywhere.”
His dad swallowed and seemed to summon all his strength. “I wanted to see you. I want you to know this didn’t have anything to do with you. This problem was in my heart before today.”
Lawson took a deep breath and pressed his fingers against his temples, trying to keep the tears at bay. “I’m so sorry, Dad. I’m so glad you’re alright.”
“Lawson, you took care of me. I could’ve been out there in the barn by myself, or riding my horse somewhere, or anything. But I wasn’t. I was there with you, and your quick reaction helped get me to the hospital to get the help that I needed.”
“But Dad, how could this happen? You’re one of the hardest working people I know. You eat well and you stay in shape. You do so much for other people. How could God let this happen to you?” Even as he said the words, he knew he shouldn’t be burdening his dad with this questioning right now. But the words tumbled from his mouth out of the deepest part of him. His parents loved God. If anyone should be protected by Him, it should be them. So why didn’t He keep this from happening?
Dad closed his eyes and slowly reopened them. Lawson could tell he was getting tired and knew that he should let him rest. He opened his mouth, but Lawson shushed him. “No, Dad, you don’t have to answer. I know what you would say anyway. I’m glad that I was there, and I’m glad you’re alright. We’re gonna make sure that you get the best medical care, and don’t worry, we’ll take care of Mom and the ranch.”
“I’m not worried, not even a little bit. I know you boys will handle everything.”
Lawson stepped closer to the bed and put his hand on his dad's shoulder. “Get some rest, Dad. We’ll be here.”
Lawson took a seat and watched as his dad closed his eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep. He watched his chest rise and fall for several minutes. Seeing him breathe and knowing that his dad was still alive in the world was a great comfort.
He hated to admit that for a few fleeting moments, he wondered if it really might be his dad’s last moments on earth. He held his head in his lap on the floor of the barn, panicked at the thought that it might’ve been their last conversation. What if he had lost his dad after that? Lawson shook his head. He couldn’t bear the thought any longer. What were his brothers going to say to him when they found out? They hadn’t heard the conversation in the barn, but they knew he had left the house angry. Did they blame him for what happened? It was bad enough that he blamed himself, but how could he face his family if they blamed him too?
He let his face fall into his hands as he thought. His parents would use this moment to pray. And in the past, maybe Lawson would have too. Now he had too many questions, too many thoughts. God had already let his dad have a heart attack. He had let Harper lose everything in the storm, and her brother much too soon. Why would He listen to Lawson’s prayer now?
After several moments in silence, Lawson stood. No, the only thing to do was to take care of business. He would make sure his mom was taken care of, and that his brothers knew he wasn’t going anywhere. He would help take care of the ranch, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to do. It was what needed to be done now. He would make sure that his dad got better and everything at the ranch went on as usual. And he would be here with his dad to make sure the doctors gave him what he needed. That was the only way.
Lawson walked out of the room determined to be the one who handled it and not to let anything fall through the cracks.
19
Harper sat on the porch of the main house. Somehow it looked different to her. Maybe because even though she had been here for a few weeks, she had always felt like an outsider. She felt like something had changed. A voice echoed in her ears: "You’re part of the family, Harper." She knew that not only was she considered a friend, but she was actually part of the family by joining the family of God.
She stood to go inside but stopped when she saw a truck coming up the driveway. A quick glance told her it was Titus’ truck, and Lawson was in the passenger seat. Her breath caught in her throat. After all their conversations and how close they had been growing, she was hoping things were moving forward, but what was he going to think about this decision she had made? They had so many talks about not trusting and believing in God. How was she going to tell him she had changed her mind about God? She shook her head, telling herself that no matter what happened, this was important. She wanted this relationship, even if that meant Lawson didn’t agree.
Lawson climbed from his truck and walked toward her. His cowboy hat was tucked down low over his eyes, and she wondered if he was hiding tears. Titus lifted his hand in a quick wave as he walked past her into the house, but Lawson stopped on the porch next to her.
“How’s your dad?” she asked.
Lawson shrugged. “Okay, I guess. He looks better to me, but he also looks very tired. I don’t have much experience with heart attacks.”
Harper said, “I’m sure that’s pretty normal. What did the doctor say?”
“They think that the stents are gonna take care of the problem, so no surgery. At least not right now. But who knows? They said it could’ve been worse, and it was good that we got him to the hospital so quickly.”
“I’m so glad you were there to call 911.”
Lawson stared at her. “That’s what my dad said too, but it doesn’t seem like a good thing to me. If I hadn’t been arguing with him, he probably wouldn’t have had a heart attack at all, so I don’t see how it makes it better that I was there.”
Harper reached for his hand. “You can’t believe this is your fault. Heart attacks don’t just happen because of an argument. This was always going to happen. The fact it happened today doesn’t mean it’s your fault, but the fact that you were there and were able to help quickly—you should focus on that.”
Lawson shrugged. “I guess so.” He looked around. “Where is everybody?”
“I’m not sure, I just sat down for a few minutes before I went inside.”
Lawson gave her a curious look. “Are you just getting back?” When she nodded he asked, “Where did you go?”
Harper hesitated. She knew he didn’t want to hear the words she was about to say but knew they needed to be said. “I went to the church,” she said.
