Page 13 of Faith for the Cowboy
Harper smiled and shook her head. “Actually, you are. Everybody takes a while to get used to it. But I’ve watched a lot of beginners, and you’re going to be good.”
“Really?” Lawson asked, his eyes opening wide in surprise.
“Yep. I would love to say, please quit. But I can see that you love it, and if you keep at it, you could be great.”
Lawson heard the words she didn’t say. That she wished he wasn’t good. He wished he could tell her he would quit, but she was right. He already loved it. And anything he could do for more time with her wasn’t something he would quit.
Harper sighed and stood up. “Anyway, I guess we should go in and eat. We don’t want to keep your mom waiting.”
Lawson smiled then, pushing away the seriousness of the conversation. “Don’t worry. She’s not waiting on us. She’s lived on a ranch her whole life. She knows cowboys can’t always show up on schedule. We do our best for dinner, but lunch time is flexible.”
“I’m sure you have work to get back to though. You don’t need to spend your time listening to my life story.”
Lawson reached out and put a hand on her arm. “I would like to. I enjoy talking with you.” She looked away from him but he continued. “I mean it. I don’t always feel like I can talk to my brothers. They’re so happy here with their lives. I want to be happy, but I just feel like there has to be something else out there for me.” He shrugged. “I guess I’m still searching for it, and it’s hard when it seems like everyone else already found it.”
Harper looked him in the eyes and nodded. “I know exactly how you feel.”
“I know,” Lawson said softly.
As if in silent agreement, they moved toward the front door. As Lawson pulled open the screen door and let her walk through in front of him, he felt like he had connected to her in a way he hadn’t before with any other person.
And he desperately wanted to keep that connection.
9
The sun shone brightly in the window on Sunday morning, and Harper put her arm over her eyes to block it. The house was quiet. Too quiet. It gave her too much time for her thoughts to run wild. They were doing all kinds of crazy things like imagining spending more time with Lawson Macklin.
Sure, if he continued on the rodeo circuit, which she was sure he would, they would see each other. But there was no way she could be anything more than friends with him.
She had no plans to get involved with anyone. Her life as a nomad was comfortable, and even though she couldn’t say she was settled, she was used to it.
Lawson might enjoy the thrill of the rodeo, but she had seen the way he looked at his brothers and parents. He might say he’s searching, but what he wants is to settle down with a family.
That wasn’t for Harper.
She glanced at the clock and groaned. Had she really agreed to do this? Could she actually go to church?
When Mrs. Macklin, Lydia, as she had asked Harper to call her, said that the family would be going to church in the morning and that they would love to have her join them, Harper couldn’t find a reason not to go. How could she say no to the family who had been so kind to her? Especially when she obviously didn’t have anything else to do. No, she supposed she would just have to go. Yes, it would be uncomfortable and awkward, just like every other church she had been to before she decided to stop going altogether. That was back when her brother had just passed away, and everyone told her God had a plan, God was still with her, and God cared about her. But if God had a plan for her brother to die, Harper didn’t want to have anything to do with it. And if God was still with her, she sure didn’t feel it, and maybe she didn’t want Him to be if He was the kind of God that would do all this to her.
Oh well, she would just go to church, sit there, and smile at the Macklin family who had taken her in, just to show her appreciation. It didn’t have to mean anything. She didn’t have to take the words to heart or try to pretend like she agreed with them. At least Lawson would be there, and she knew that he felt the same way she did or at least he said he did. She wasn’t sure he could totally agree with her. After all, compared to her, his life seemed like sunshine and rainbows. If she was part of a family like the one Lawson had, maybe she would think God was real. Maybe she would feel like God had a good plan for her life. Then again, she didn’t want to be a fair-weather believer. If she wasn’t going to believe in God when life wasn’t great, she wasn’t going to believe in Him when it was good either.
A soft knock on the door startled her. “Harper,” Lydia‘s sweet voice called out. “Coffee is ready, and breakfast will be on the table soon.”
Harper cleared her throat. “Thank you. I’ll be out in a few minutes.” She climbed from bed and moved toward the bathroom for a shower. A small quiet voice in her heart said that she did have the things that Lawson had. After all, at least for right now, no matter how short the time was, she was with the Macklin family. And she felt like she was truly a part of it. She shook her head as she reached in to check the water temperature. No, they would do that for anyone. That was just how the Macklins were. She could tell. Soon she would leave and go back to her nomad life, never really belonging anywhere.
Still, as she began to get ready to go to church for the first time in a long time, she felt like she could enjoy this little bit of time that she was part of a family.
Twenty minutes later, she walked into the kitchen. She had dressed in a dark blue long- sleeved dress that Katie had given her. They had been planning to go shopping, but Katie hadn’t had time yet. She promised that they would make time this week. As much as Harper appreciated the clothes, she wanted to be in something that belonged to her. She never would have bought this blue dress, although when she saw herself in the mirror, it did remind her of when she was younger. Back when she owned more feminine things and wore a dress on occasion. Now all she owned was jeans and shirts that were suitable for her work and life on the road. She had purchased a long, black romper once when she was asked to photograph a wedding. She felt it was appropriate, but once she arrived, she remembered that it was a cowboy wedding held outdoors, and the bride and groom were on horses. She most definitely could’ve worn her jeans.
The smell of fresh hot biscuits wafted in the air as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
“Good morning.” Lawson’s voice from the dining room table surprised her. Harper looked up at him.
“Oh hey, I didn’t know you were here.”
Lawson smiled. “I never miss Sunday breakfast. Well truth be told, I never miss breakfast at all. But Sunday breakfast is always something special. Sometimes pancakes and waffles or even stuffed French toast. But it’s not just about the food, it’s the only day that I have time to linger a little bit over breakfast.”
“Oh?” Harper said. “I thought cowboys never got a day off.”
