Page 12 of Faith for the Cowboy
She looked at him with wide eyes. “Lawson, without you, I’m not even sure what would have happened. Yes, I lost my car and everything I own. But if you hadn’t acted so quickly, I might have lost my life too. I probably would have been driving my car trying to figure out where to go.”
Lawson reached out and lightly touched her arm. The simple contact sent a shiver through him. “I don’t believe that. You would have gotten to safety. You’re strong and independent.”
Harper’s eyes filled with tears as he spoke. “I don’t know. I want to be independent and strong, but now I feel helpless and I don’t know what will happen next. I don’t even know when I will be able to leave here.”
Lawson’s heart crashed against his ribs. “Will you go on to the next rodeo when you get a car?” As he said the words, he found himself hoping it wasn’t true. He wanted her to stay here, so he could get to know her better.
Harper shook her head. “At some point. But the rodeo grounds at the next two rodeos were both damaged, and we’re not sure what will happen. And I don’t know how long it will take me to find a car.”
“You know you can stay here as long as you need to.”
Harper stared at him with a blank expression. “Why?”
Lawson furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“Why would your family want me to stay? They don’t even know me.”
Lawson smiled. “That’s the thing about the Macklins. They don’t have to know you to help. My parents have always said that God gave them this ranch and this house, and they will share it with whoever needs it.”
Harper tilted her head. “Do you believe that?”
“What?”
Harper took a deep breath before she said, “That God gave them the ranch? I mean, like He is in control of everything?”
Lawson looked away and stared at the ground. He had been repeating words like that his whole life. He scratched his head as the thoughts that he hadn’t shared with anyone swirled in his mind. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve grown up hearing those things and going to church.” He scratched his head. “I don’t know, religion has always been part of my life, but I wonder if I believe all of it anymore. Just seems like nice stories for kids. It’s easy to say God gave you something when it’s good, but the more I see of the world, the harder it is to think that God is in control of all the bad things that happen.”
Harper nodded. “I feel the same way.”
Lawson waited for her to say more then prodded. “Do you mean about what happened with the storm?”
Harper was quiet for several moments. Then she shook her head. “No, not just the storm.”
Lawson couldn’t help himself and pushed her for more. “What else?”
“My brother,” she said firmly.
Lawson swallowed. He remembered hearing her mention her brother to Sierra, but he hadn’t asked her about it. “What happened?”
Harper stared out over the vast space of the front yard. She remained silent for a long moment, and Lawson wondered if she would tell him anything at all. He was about to say she didn’t have to answer the question, when she spoke.
“We were best friends. I was only sixteen months older than him, so I don’t remember life before he was born. My parents raised us to be friends, and we were so close in age that people even asked if we were twins. So when Noah wanted to compete in rodeos, I did too. I wasn’t great, but I tried out barrel racing and roping. He was great. Noah did everything: broncs, bulls, roping. He even worked as a rodeo clown a few times. Everyone loved Noah. He lit up the room everywhere he went.
“Sometimes I felt like I was in his shadow, but I was proud of him.” She paused and took a few breaths. “Then one competition, he drew a mean bull. He laughed out loud when he saw the name. He loved the thrill of competition, and the better the bull, the more he liked it. But that ride was awful. I had seen him get thrown before, but this was different. He wasn’t in control at all. The bull threw him, and he crashed into the wall. It was like it was happening in slow motion. I watched his body go limp as he fell to the ground.” She grimaced at the painful memory. “I knew right away that it was bad. I don’t remember moving down to the arena, but I made it to him and stood close as the medics came to him. The ambulance came and they rushed him to the hospital.” Harper stopped and stared off into the distance as if the rest was too painful to say. Finally she gathered herself. “My parents came, and we stood in his room together when the doctor told us that he had hit his head. He had severe brain injuries and wouldn’t wake up. I sat by his side while the machines breathed for him. It seemed impossible that my perfectly happy, healthy brother was never going to open his eyes. He looked like he was lying there asleep.” Harper lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “But there was nothing to be done. We knew Noah would want to help someone else by donating his organs, so mom signed all the paperwork and we waited. Then I held his hand as they turned off the machines.”
She breathed out and sat quietly.
Lawson broke the silence. “I’m so sorry, Harper.”
She glanced at him and nodded. “Thank you. That’s what everyone said then, and what they say now. I’m sorry too. I lost my best friend, and I don’t know, I guess I just gave up on God after that.”
Lawson felt the words he had heard his whole life creeping up, threatening to come out of his mouth. His parents would have said, God hasn’t given up on you, God was with you through the hard times, or maybe even, God had a plan. But he pressed his lips together and shoved those words away. They wouldn’t help Harper now. Even if it was true, why would she want to trust a God who took her brother away?
He sighed. “I can’t imagine how you felt. I’ve never lost someone like that. But I know bad things happen every day, and I understand why you would give up on God after that.” Was he making the same choice now too? He didn’t let that thought sink in. “So, what made you become a rodeo photographer? I mean, after what happened, that sounds like it would be hard to do.”
“I was already photographing rodeos. I started when Noah got serious about competing. I couldn’t keep up, so I became his photographer. We were sending things out to brands and companies for sponsorships. When he died, I considered walking away. I skipped a few rodeos and almost sold all my camera equipment. But then I realized that a rodeo was the place I felt closest to him. When I walk into an arena, I can see him looking around and smiling, all the excitement building up. And I can almost hear his voice.” She gave a half smile. “I feel like I can keep his memory with me if I’m involved with rodeo. Even if I’m terrified for every rider I take photos of.”
She looked at Lawson, and the fear in her eyes gripped his heart. It almost made him want to say he would never ride a bull again. But then again, it was how he had met her, and how he would see her again. He didn’t want to give that up. “I’ll be careful,” he said. He chuckled. “Besides, I may never get to compete at that level. So far, I’m not sure I’m very good at it.”
