Page 17 of Endless Terrors
After another moment, I broke our stare. Collith moved toward the body while Laurie seemed to be directing his attention to the club. He had a cell phone pressed to his ear, and he spoke in a clipped, urgent murmur. I led Gil to the car, and he finally seemed to regain some semblance of his former self. He folded himself into the passenger seat without any prompting from me. Hiding my relief, I circled the hood, and as I opened the door on the driver’s side, I finally noticed my hands. They were stained with Logan’s blood. I shuddered and got in, suddenly realizing how cold I was.
Our latest motel was about ten miles from the club. We were in Nebraska now, and this town looked like all the others. There were small houses, quaint churches, and several bars. Our motel was cleaner than the last one, at least, but the owner asked more questions than I liked. Finn had taken to staying in his wolf form so there was less risk of him being spotted, or someone coming across the bits of flesh, fur, and bone that were left behind after his transitions. Once or twice, I’d even found an entire pelt. Finn had also taken to hunting constantly, which explained why he hadn’t arrived with Gil during the attack. The more distance there was between us, the more muted our emotions were to each other.
Thinking of Logan made me feel cold again. My grip tightened on the steering wheel, and I reached over to adjust the heat. It had started snowing, and small flakes scattered across the glass. I watched them gleam and glitter, trying to distract myself from an image of Logan and Ian’s faces blending together.
“I’m sorry.”
Gil’s voice was so low that I almost didn’t hear him. I glanced at him, but he kept his face turned away. I pursed my lips and refocused on the road. There was an ache in my chest that didn’t fully belong to me—touching our bond had blurred things, connected us more intensely. I wished for the dozenth time that I’d remembered to get the damn gun tonight. Maybe then Gil wouldn’t have felt my panic and flown to my rescue.
“It’s the price we pay for power,” I said quietly, switching on the windshield wipers. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. “The war inside you never ends. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose.”
Gil made a soft sound. “And what about the price they pay? The ones who can’t defend themselves?”
I hesitated, pressing my foot on the brake pedal. The sound of the blinker filled the cold stillness. Gil still wouldn’t tear his gaze from the window, so I couldn’t see his face, but I knew, somehow, that whatever I said next was important. God, why couldn’t I be a more eloquent person? I didn’t allow myself to take the deep breath I wanted, since Gil’s sharp ears would hear it.
“For every life you take, you can save another. Use all your power in a different way. Be the better monster. That’s how you bear it,” I said, thinking of my own victims. Morsels, Gil called them. Or used to.
At last, he finally looked at me. He leaned against the headrest and gave me a crooked, sad smile. The green glow of the clock cast one side of his face in shadow. “Life isn’t a ledger book, darling. I’m a vampire. My very existence goes against every law of nature or balance. No matter how many good deeds I do, I’m bound for Hell.”
“Hey.” I waited until his eyes flicked over at me, then gave him a faint smile of my own. “At least we’ll be there together.”
Gil didn’t respond, but he reached over the center console and took my hand again. I laced our fingers together and tightened my grip. Maybe I didn’t need the right words after all.
The snow had thickened outside, and wind howled beyond the glass. But Gil’s mind had gone quiet. Neither of us touched the radio or filled the silence. We just peered out at the storm, speaking in a language only people like us understood. I knew the quiet wouldn’t last. Now that I’d revealed where I was, Collith and Laurie would be back. I needed to figure out how to drive them away again.
But tonight, I would sleep.
Sleep and dream.
CHAPTER FIVE
The parking lot of the Super 8 was nearly full when we pulled in.
An entire day had passed since the incident with Logan Boon, and I was fighting to keep my eyes open. I knew I needed to stop, despite the restless feeling in my veins that urged me onward. We’d driven for twelve hours. There’d been no sign of Collith or Laurie, but that didn’t prove I’d truly managed to evade them. Somehow, they kept managing to find me. Gil and Finn did regular checks for trackers, though, so I had no idea how they were doing it.
Letting out a frustrated breath, I pulled into one of the last spots left, and the brakes whined through the dusk. Gil immediately got out, the white box of his cigarettes flashing in the dim light. In the space of a blink, he disappeared. I stayed where I was, staring up at the brightly-lit sign. Just the thought of standing made me want to groan. After a moment, I sank against the seat and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. As heat blasted from the vents, I mentally prepared for the conversation with the front desk employee. God, humans were so exhausting.
A hand touched my shoulder from behind, then gave it a careful squeeze. My eyes met Finn’s in the rearview mirror. A soft smile curved my mouth. “It’s good to see you,” I said quietly.
I could tell from the gentling in his eyes that he knew what I meant. I didn’t mind Finn’s animal form—it had become a comforting habit to bury my fingers in his fur—but there was part of me that always worried when he was a wolf. What if those wild instincts consumed him? What if he went on a hunt and never came back?
At least I knew that wouldn’t happen tonight. Not while Finn was confined to this shape and all the reason that came with it. The relief I felt was tinged with guilt. I knew Finn had changed back for me, because of me, even though he preferred the wolf. He’d probably felt my side of the bond unraveling.
It was wearing on my sanity, the relentless pace and the sleepless nights. Working, searching, running. Seeing Collith and Laurie again had been a catalyst of some sort. These past few months, I’d been putting all my fear, fatigue, and pain behind a brick wall. Then they’d come along and struck their fists against it, leaving cracks and crumbling blocks. I needed to slap some mortar down, keep going, keep fighting.
Staying in the car wasn’t going to make any of that happen.
I suppressed a sigh and forced myself to kill the engine, then leave the warmth in favor of winter’s bitter chill. Finn followed suit and beat me to the trunk, lifting our bags out. He left Gil’s where it was, of course, and closed the trunk with pointed force. I rolled my eyes at him and moved to get the bag myself. After that, we crossed the lot to enter the motel, our exhales making plumes in the air.
Gil was huddled in the shadows near the front door. The orange tip of his cigarette glowed. I stopped and handed over his bag. “Are you coming?”
“Not yet. I can’t …” He made a vague gesture toward the door.
“I understand,” I said. I felt his struggle through the bond. Gil’s fangs weren’t out, his eyes weren’t glowing, but I could sense the vampire beneath his skin. Clawing at it.
Standing there, it occurred to me that putting Gil in an enclosed space, surrounded by dozens of helpless, sleeping humans, wasn’t the best idea I’d ever had. Maybe we should just drive through the night …
Finn must’ve seen the indecision in my eyes. “He’ll be fine. We just need to rest,” the werewolf murmured.
