Page 146 of Endless Terrors
I barely heard him, because it felt like the earth was shifting beneath me. Like I would never know solid ground again. Collith and Laurie stood even closer than they had in the church, as if they sensed it.
Gil had wondered, once, if we were all following some grand plan. Treading an inevitable path that had been laid out for us. But if that was the case, I couldn’t see the purpose in this. What possible benefit could there be to losing such a kind, beautiful creature?
The only one that could answer me was locked away behind high, bloodstained gates, and He wasn’t talking to anyone.
Halfway through the pastor’s reading, the rain stopped. I’d been listening to it like white noise, and hearing it cut short drew me out of my stupor. I lifted my head and refocused on the pastor’s voice. I still couldn’t seem to focus, though. Breathing felt hard, and with every heartbeat, a dull ache shot through my chest.
Cyrus stood on the other side of Gil, and he caught my eye. Just like Finn used to, the dragon sent a soft, subtle glow of encouragement down the bond. I couldn’t muster a smile, but I didn’t feel quite as empty now.
Then Ariel added her warmth, and the ground finally stopped shifting. I was able to listen to Finn’s benediction and actually hear the words. I let out a long, low breath, and from the corner of my eye, I saw some of the tension leave Collith and Laurie. They’d probably been monitoring my heartbeat. Listening to its struggle. Thanks to my Court, it felt a little stronger now.
After the service ended, our small gathering turned and walked back toward the parking lot. Matthew started fussing, and Damon cupped the back of his son’s head. Danny made a soothing sound and reached up to scratch the small boy’s back.
Up ahead, there was a large oak tree on the right side of the path, but my gaze immediately went to the figure standing beneath it. I hadn’t seen Lyari, or heard from her, since she’d left the day after Finn’s death. This time, it wasn’t Lucifer keeping her away—it was shame. I could see it in the stiff way she held herself, and how she avoided making eye contact with anyone.
“I’ll meet you at the car,” I told Emma, who’d been walking behind Danny. She touched my elbow in acknowledgement and followed the others, her frail shoulders hunched against the damp chill.
Once she was gone, I faced Collith and Laurie. Something about their expressions told me they were leaving. None of us said anything. We didn’t need to. I knew they’d come if I needed them, and they knew I wouldn’t be too proud to ask. Not anymore.
Still silent, Collith stepped forward and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. His scent reached me, even through the smell of rain, and it had an instant calming effect. The feeling of his cold lips lingered on my skin as he sifted.
Laurie was next. He moved closer, and the edges of his fur-lined black coat brushed against me. I arched my head back to see his face. With such an overcast sky, his eyes looked more gray than silver. A cold gust of wind made tendrils of hair frame his pale face. Laurie skimmed the ball of his thumb along my jawline and gave me a quick, faint wink. He vanished a moment later, and I felt something in my hand. I knew, without looking, that it was a black rose.
I tucked it into my pocket.
Lyari watched me approach expressionlessly. I reached her side and turned, realizing she had a perfect vantage point of the burial plot. In an instant, I knew the faerie had been here the entire service. She may not have been kind to my wolf, or even trusted him, but she’d come for his funeral. For someone like Lyari Paynore, who saw significance in every gesture or choice, that meant something.
“We’re all heading to Cyrus’s. You’re welcome to join us,” I said. “Ariel thought we could do a toast, and maybe talk about our favorite memories of Finn, or whatever.”
Lyari followed my gaze. The diggers had already started, though we were too far away to hear the dirt hit Finn’s casket. She must’ve seen something in my face, or heard it in my voice, because her eyes darkened as she said, “The Dark Prince is to blame, my lady. Wherever he goes, pain and chaos follow.”
My jaw worked at the mention of Lucifer. I’d been so absorbed with thoughts of Finn that I’d barely considered what to do about him. But grieving my friend would have to come later. I kept my gaze on the glint of sunlight off the car roofs as I asked, “Did you ever learn anything about Thuridan?”
“I’ve reached out to every contact I have, including those who live amongst the mortals. There are no records that mention Thuridan of bloodline Sarwraek. It’s as if he didn’t exist before he was ten.” She paused. “Before he was taken, I tried speaking with him directly, as you instructed, but …”
“You couldn’t,” I finished.
Silence met me. Lyari was wearing her Guardian face, and once again I understood why she’d withdrawn. I didn’t force her to admit anything. I knew, better than anyone, how terrifying love could be to acknowledge. Love made you vulnerable. Love blinded you. Love could literally fucking kill you.
Brakes squealed in the distance. I glanced toward the parking lot and saw that Emma was the only one left. The car ran steadily in the misty stillness, its headlights shining bright. Everyone else would be getting to Cyrus’s soon, and suddenly the thought felt exhausting. I swallowed a sigh and turned back to Lyari. “Keep looking, please. Thuridan is important to him, and we need to know why.”
She nodded. I waited for the warrior to sift, but she stood there, looking at me with a rare gleam of uncertainty in her eyes. I didn’t know what else I could say to reassure her of my forgiveness. Especially not now, when I felt like an empty room or a dry riverbed. Barren. Cold.
In the end, I didn’t say anything. I nodded my goodbye, then turned away and walked down the rest of the path. Emma was sitting on the driver’s side, so I opened the other door. Music floated from the speakers. Before I got in, something made me pause and glance back toward that oak tree. The space below its long, twisted branches was empty now.
As I stood there, it started to rain again. I watched the silvery glints rush past the tree at a slant. Pinpricks of cold sank through my dress, jarring me again. I folded myself into the car and pulled the door shut.
Emma didn’t ask me if I was all right, or whether I was hungry. She just changed gears and started driving. She hummed along to whatever song was playing while I looked out the window. While more naked trees blurred past, I kept thinking about love, and pain, and how much more pain waited ahead of me.
It felt like only a minute had passed when I spotted a familiar mailbox—the names LAVENDER, SWORN, and MILLER were painstakingly painted on the side, and scratched beneath these it simply read, NYM—and gravel crunched under the tires as Emma turned onto our driveway.
I finally tore my gaze from the window and watched Cyrus’s house loom closer. Closer. I knew my family was inside, waiting to talk and mourn together. Emma navigated the car into its usual parking spot and killed the engine. From the corner of my eye, I saw her look at me. She was probably waiting to speak to me. But I was still looking at the house, and after a few seconds, I felt the dull weight of certainty.
I couldn’t do this. Not right now.
Without a word to Emma, I pulled the handle and left. My heels walked unevenly over the gravel as I headed for the barn. I opened the door, and another strong gust of wind nearly flattened me as I slipped into the darkness.
“I’ve got her,” I heard Damon say. I trudged up the stairwell, and my brother stayed close behind. “Fortuna? Are you okay?”
