Page 116 of Endless Terrors
My sex was so wet that when Heilel entered me, his length slid inside with a single movement that banished every thought, if I’d had any left. My eyes fluttered shut of their own volition, and I gripped his broad shoulders. His question still hovered between us. What do you want?
I opened my eyes and looked into Heilel’s. Water gleamed on his skin like diamonds. “I want you to fuck me until neither of us can stand,” I said clearly.
That was all he needed to hear.
Heilel drew his hips back. His eyes bore into mine, and I saw a fierce light burning in those blue depths just before he rammed his entire length inside me. A gasp tore from my throat. My arms shot out, and I flattened my palms against the wall. Heilel was already filling me again, his erection sliding in and out as though our bodies had been made for each other. I moved with him, caught up in a rough rhythm that tore mindless, frantic cries from my throat. Over and over again, Heilel plunged so deep that I could feel him high inside my body, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted him deeper, harder. I bit Heilel’s shoulder, riding him as he thrust even faster.
He roared as he came inside me.
Watching Heilel climax, and feeling the tip of his cock scrape that secret place within my body, brought me to mine just a second later. I was still in the throes of it as Heilel’s hips slowed, then stopped. He watched me with a masculine, satisfied smile. Even after I’d recovered, though, he didn’t pull out or step away. I had my arms around his neck, and my eyes stayed closed. The only sound between us was the running water. I rested against the curve of Heilel’s neck and inhaled his scent. We stayed like that for a minute, holding each other tightly.
When Heilel finally set me back down, my legs were shaking. I regained my balance and realized that I still had some of Belanor’s blood on me. Heilel had already noticed, of course. He turned back to me, holding the sponge in his long fingers again. He silently proceeded to soap every inch of my body a second time, stopping now and then to caress a nipple or lick my neck. By the time he’d finished, I was craving him. Aching for him. Heilel knelt on the tiles and peered up at me.
“Still standing,” he said huskily. “Now that won’t do.”
Seeing the devil on his knees was erotic enough. Then he leaned forward and buried his face between my legs as if my body was paradise. I gasped, and my stomach buckled. Heilel caught hold of me without pausing, and I braced myself on his shoulders.
Briefly, I thought of another shower, another male who had touched me like this … but then Heilel did something new with his tongue that made another gasp tear from my throat. I forgot about anyone else. There was only him.
Afterward, he toweled me dry and carried me into the bedroom. We made love again, then again, and the orgasms made me hazy. Heilel saw the way my eyes fluttered and pulled me close, his chest against my back.
Now here I was, feeling sleepless and strange. Heilel’s breathing was deep and slow. I wanted to follow him into whatever dream he’d weaved, but there was something bothering me. And it was more than what had happened with Belanor.
Holding my breath, I reached over and opened the nightstand drawer. I lifted the cover of the book I’d been reading and found what I was looking for. Heilel didn’t stir. I exhaled and slipped out of bed, walking over to the other side of the room on bare, silent feet.
Standing in the light of the fire, I opened my fingers, revealing a crumpled piece of paper. My eyes scanned those three words for the thousandth time. The harried handwriting. Don’t trust him.
I tossed the paper into the flames and watched it burn.
I became listless.
Slaughtering Belanor had made something inside me crack. He deserved it, I thought over and over. But all the good feelings I’d been having had spilled out, leaving guilt, worry, and shame. At first, I hid it. I went through the motions of the life I’d built here, dressing, talking to Heilel’s staff, reading in the library, resolving conflicts that came to the tower when Heilel wasn’t there to do it himself. Every time I was blinded by a flash of memory—Belanor’s guts spilling out of the violent slash I’d made—I tilted my chin and pasted on a hard mask. He deserved it.
Heilel still knew. Whenever we were in the same room together, I felt his eyes on me. He tried to start a conversation more than once, but I always changed the subject or didn’t answer. I didn’t want to talk about Belanor, or what I’d done and who I’d become during those long, dark, terrible hours beneath the tower.
I only felt like a semblance of my old self when Heilel was touching me. When he was inside of me. When he was devouring me. But then he always left, called away by some kingly duty or other, and I was alone with myself again. Forced to acknowledge the darkness in my heart.
After a few more days, I stopped pretending to be okay. Because I wasn’t.
I got into bed and didn’t get out.
The curtains kept every flicker of light away, and things like night and day stopped mattering.
Eventually, a sound reached my ears. Or at least, I thought it did. I returned to awareness gradually, like coming down from a bad trip. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, or whether I’d slept at all. If I did fall asleep, Heilel hadn’t come to me in a dream, and there’d still been no sign of Oliver. With a hazy frown, I opened my eyes and waited for my vision to adjust. Something had pulled me out of my stupor. A noise of some kind, I remembered.
Narfu was in the room. It must’ve been the door I’d heard, or the soft pad of his footsteps. He wasn’t cleaning, though. Instead, he plucked at my blankets, and tugged at folds and parts where the material had bunched. When there was nothing left for him to fix there, he started rearranging the canopy curtains secured to the bedposts.
In a slow, sleepy way, I realized what was happening. The demon was … fretting over me. Worrying about me like a mother hen over its egg. I gave Narfu a slow, sleepy smile. “Stop fussing. I’m fine.”
To emphasize my point, I patted my chest, as if the heart living inside it wasn’t breaking. Narfu stared at me for another moment. I didn’t think lizards were capable of frowning, but as I gazed back, I swore that’s what he was doing. Slowly, Narfu backed away and disappeared soundlessly through the door. The latch didn’t even click as he closed it. I tugged the covers over my head, hoping I’d convinced him.
But the demon must not have believed me, because Heilel arrived a few minutes later.
He knelt on my side of the bed, where I was curled into myself. I didn’t move at the sight of him, but I opened my eyes and met his gaze. For a few seconds, neither of us spoke. Heilel’s ocean eyes were dark with worry. Seeing it made me want to sit up and try to go back to the way we were. But what if I left this bed, and that darkness within me spread?
“I want to do something for you,” Heilel said finally, sliding his index finger down the slope of my nose.
“What do you mean?” I murmured.
