Page 42 of My Heart Still Beats
I’ll have to repay him somehow, even if he isn’t expecting anything in return. It just seems like the right thing to do.
Then I let out a sarcastic laugh. How can I repay Benjamin Black for anything? He literally haseverything. Including a private jet.
There’s no way I can pay him back.
Good thing he doesn’t expect me to. If he did, he surely would have given some hint by now.
He’s doing all of this for Braden and Skye. He doesn’t want their big weekend ruined, and I was well on my way to doing just that.
He’s not doing this for me at all. Why should he? He doesn’t know me. To him, I’m just some pathetic young woman who’s trying to heal from a rough ordeal.
He feels sorry for me—and God, I hate that.
My therapist says I shouldn’t hate being pitied when I’m pitying myself.
But I don’t feel like I’m pitying myself. I don’t really feel like anything. It’s like Garrett Ramirez took my emotions away from me. On the days when I’m not feeling completely depressed, I simply feel…nothing.
I’m doing everything I can. I was working until I got laid off. I just spent two days working at Black Inc. The work is simple, not overly challenging. But simple is fine for me right now. The old Tessa would have wanted a challenge. She would have wanted to do something besides simple accounting.
But this Tessa? The new job is working out just fine for now. Maybe sometime in the future I’ll want more. Now, I’m content to do simple tasks and collect a paycheck.
“Hey, Tess.”
I turn as Skye sits down in the seat next to me. She looks radiant, her brown eyes glowing.
“Hey.” I give her my best smile.
“Nice try,” she says.
Skye knows me better than anyone. She knows when I’m faking it.
“Sorry,” I say.
“You don’t have to be sorry, Tess.” She squeezes my shoulder. “What can I do? What can I do for you?”
“Oh, Skye. If only it were that simple.” I give her the weak smile again. “You’re doing everything for me. You’re giving me this weekend. This amazing weekend. Not just for me but for all of us.”
“That’s Braden, not me. Last time I checked,I’mnot a billionaire.”
“Yet,” I remind her. “You will be after the wedding.”
“Yeah.” Her eyes dance. “It’s crazy to even think it.”
“I’m so happy for you.”
The words aren’t a lie. Iamhappy for her. Except I kind of forget what happy feels like. But she’s my best friend, and I remember being happy for her, and of course I’m thrilled that she’s found the man of her dreams—with all the fringe benefits he comes with.
It’s like my feelings have gone on hiatus, and I don’t know how to get them back. I get twinges of feeling now and then, like when I found the pearl in the oyster, or when I was thinking about making my mother’s Mexican recipes.
Or when I got a warm tingle when Ben smiled at me at the diner.
Skye leans into me and gives me a side hug. “I really appreciate this, Tess. I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“I’m okay. Truly. I want you to have an amazing long weekend that you’ll never forget.”
Skye smiles broadly. “I’m so excited! I’ve always wanted to go to Jamaica.”
“Well…” I look down at my watch. “Looks like we’ll be there in a couple hours.”
