Page 14 of My Heart Still Beats
Tessa
I grip the edges of the counter, looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
The tingling begins in my fingers, travels through my hands up to my elbows, and then branches into my arms and over my chest. My heart beats quickly, slamming against my sternum and then pulsing throughout my body. I hear it like a drum in my ears, drowning out everything else. My body trembles, and perspiration erupts on my hairline.
And in the mirror…
In the mirror is a woman I don’t recognize.
She looks like me, but she’s not me.
She’s someone who has detached herself from her body. And she’s looking at me, judging me, telling me I’m nothing.
You’re nothing, Tessa. You’re nothing.
…
Three Months Earlier…
“You’re nothing, you cock tease.”
Garrett shoves his cock inside me.
How did I think I was falling in love with this monster?
How did I…
I’m not me anymore.
I’m simply a vessel. A vessel that he’s masturbating into.
I turn my head.
“No, youlookat me. You look at me while I fuck you.”
But I no longer feel him.
My body feels it, but not my mind. I go inward, to that safe place.
My grandmother’s embrace.
“Why would anyone hurt me?”
“No one will hurt you as long as your nana is alive.”
…
I swallow hard when a woman exits the stall.
Quickly I turn on the water. Put on my game face. Pump some soap out of the dispenser and wash my hands while I feign a smile.
She smiles back at me as she washes her own hands and then slides them under one of the automatic dryers.
Leave. Leave. Leave.
When she finally opens the bathroom door and exits, I let out a deep breath.
I look in the mirror, and this time I see myself. I see Tessa.
