Page 107 of My Heart Still Beats
“Yes.”
“And I was too late, Ben.” Tears fall from my eyes. “I was too late to see my da. I was too late to tell him how much I love him.”
Ben rubs circles into my back. “He knows, sweetheart.”
I jerk at the term of endearment. “Don’t call me that.”
“I won’t. I’m sorry.”
I wipe a tear with my finger. “I don’t mean it that way. It’s just…that’s what Garrett called me.”
“All right.” He pulls me into a hug against his hard, warm body. “How about if I just call you Tessa?”
“Of course Garrett called me Tessa, too. But it’s my name, and he won’t take that from me.” I sniffle. “And damn it, he won’t take sweetheart from me, either. So you know what? If you want to call me sweetheart, go ahead.”
“It’s all right.” He strokes my hair. “I don’t need to use that one. We’ll find one that works for both of us.”
“Do you think you’re ready to kiss me now?” I ask.
He lets go of me and rises, rubs his hands through his hair. He turns for a moment but then turns back toward me, meeting my gaze. “You know I’ve been ready to kiss you for a long time, Tessa. But now is not the right time.”
“I disagree. Now is theperfecttime.”
He closes his eyes, almost as if in pain. “If you only knew what you do to me.”
I stare at him. At the anguished twist in his handsome face. “If it’s anything like what you’re doing to me right now, then Idoknow, Ben. Please. Ineedyou. I need that kiss.”
He sits back on the bed. “A kiss from me is not a substitute for the loss of your father.”
God, more tears are coming. I choke them back. “I know it’s not. You really think that I thinkanythingcould make up for that?”
He pushes my hair back over my forehead. “God, you’re so beautiful.”
“Then kiss me. Please.”
“I want to. I want to so badly. But our first kiss, Tessa, isn’t going to be like this. It’s not going to be an escape from something. And it’s not going to be a substitute for something.”
“I’m not seeing it as any of those things.”
“Tessa, mere days ago, you jerked away at my touch.”
“Stop treating me like I’m some fragile glass figurine that will break if you touch it. That’s not what I need.”
He shakes his head. “You’re not fragile. You’re strong, Tessa. So very strong.”
“Not strong enough.” I gulp. “I need that kiss, Ben. I can’t even describe how much I need it.”
He cups my cheek. “I’ll hold you. I’ll bring you breakfast in bed. I’ll draw you a warm bath.”
“Or a cold plunge?”
“Or a cold plunge. Whatever you need. But I can’t kiss you yet, Tessa.”
“Why not?”
His gaze darkens. “Because if I kiss you, I won’t want to stop with a kiss. I’ll want to do things you may not be ready for.”
“Maybe Iamready.”
