Page 105 of My Heart Still Beats

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She knows nothing, of course.

Oh God, oh God, oh God…

“Tessa,” Ben says calmly, “you need to call your mother.”

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“I know, but she knew you were on your way, and she needs to know you’re here.”

But my mother doesn’t pick up. It goes straight to voicemail.

This is Carlotta Logan. I apologize for not being able to take your call. Please leave me a message.

“Mommy, it’s me. It’s Tessa. Where are you? I’m here at the hospital. Where is Da?”

And then my phone clatters to the hard, tiled floor of the hospital hallway right outside the room where my father is supposed to be.

My mother is walking toward me, tears streaking her face.

“Mommy!” I run to her.

She cries into my shoulder.

“Mommy, where’s Da? Tell me what happened?”

She sniffles on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Tessa. Your da… He didn’t make it.”

The world spins, then. The room spins. Everything spins.

My mother becomes a blob that is glommed onto me.

She doesn’t even look like my mother.

I look up to the stars, to the heavens—but of course I see only the drywall in the hospital ceiling.

My body chills, as if pins are prickling me, daggers slicing through my heart.

My da…

My daddy…

My father…

“He’s with Nana now.”

The words come from somewhere. I believe from my mother.

Nana wasn’t his mother. She was Mommy’s mother. But she loved Da. She thought he was the best thing that ever happened to Mommy.

She finally lets go of me—but I still don’t see her. Her face is a blur. All I see are the tears running down it. As if water is just coming from somewhere other than her deep brown eyes.

“It was a massive coronary,” another voice says. “We did all we could.”

“But I talked to Eva. And to you… When did I talk to you?”

“Tessa, that was hours ago.”

Right. I was in Jamaica. Then on the plane. Then Ben’s car.

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