Page 76 of The Absence of You
Chapter Fifty-Seven
DAHLIA
Mr. Lamont explained the next steps with regards to Joseph’s release, and it was very straightforward. Since the parole had been agreed, technically Joseph was already considered a free man, and his release date had been set for the end of the week.
The days leading up to it passed in a blur, as Dee rushed around the house trying to make everything perfect for his return. I’d spoken to Joseph on the phone last night and there already seemed to be an easy rapport between us. There was still a long way to go and a lot to catch up on but having him in my life just felt right somehow. He’d offered to find somewhere else to stay if I wasn’t comfortable with him coming back to Dee’s, but there was no way I’d expect him to do that. Dee’s home was more his than it had ever been mine, and I wouldn’t hear of him going anywhere else. Not that I had any issues with the arrangement anyway, but the fact he’d made the offer, spoke volumes.
I’d deliberately avoided talking to my mum this week. It wasn’t that I was angry with her still, it was more that I knew it would be an emotional conversation, one that I’d prefer to have in person. Her stay in the rehab facility was nearly finished, and when she was released, we would be able to talk properly. While I wasn’t sure what the future held for us as a family going forward, I had a feeling things would be vastly different than they had been.
“He’s here! Dahlia, quick, quick, he’s here!” Dee’s excitement was contagious. How could it not be? Her son was finally coming home, after eighteen years. While I was very familiar with missing a family member for that period of time, it was different for Dee. I missed the idea of having a father, I didn’t actually miss him. She actually went from having him in her life, to nothing, and I’m not sure anyone can truly know what that feels like unless they’d experienced it.
Suddenly nervous, I tug at my jumper, smoothing down the hem. It’s unlikely he’ll even notice what I’m wearing, but I can’t help but want to make a good impression. I tuck my hair behind my ear, and it immediately springs back out again. Dee pulls open the heavy front door, and within seconds she is pulling her son into her arms. The blood test results still aren’t back, but seeing him here, like this, I’ve never wanted anything more than for the results to show he’s my dad. I’m not sure I will be able to bear it if it shows anything else.
Dee and Joseph pull apart, and he turns and opens his arms to me. I don’t hesitate as I walk straight into them, and he hugs me tightly. He whispers into my hair,
“I’m home.”
The next few hours are spent talking, and laughing, and it’s a celebration of sorts. Dee has bought a six pack of Joseph’s favourite lager, but he stops drinking after the second. Joseph and Dee exchange a look, and he reminds us he hasn’t had an alcoholic drink since he was my age and his tolerance will be low. Perhaps that is the real reason, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s because he’s worried seeing him drink too much could be uncomfortable for me after my history with my mum. Either way, his level of self-restraint is impressive given how huge today is for him.
It's a perfect evening, but eventually he and Dee start yawning, and we agree it’s time to turn in for bed. As I head to my room, I hear Joseph thank Dee, and it’s clear he’s referring to more than just tonight. I smile to myself.
When I wake the next morning, I’m greeted by the smell of crispy bacon, and as I wander down the stairs, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I hear the sound of a man singing. It’s both new and strangely familiar at the same time.
Taking in the scene in front of me, I pause at the kitchen door. Joseph is standing at the grill. He’s wearing Dee’s apron, and she’s sitting at the table, smiling. She looks twenty years younger as she watches her son in her kitchen with awe. Both of them are so absorbed in what they’re doing, they don’t realise I’m here until I clear my throat,
“Erm, what’s a girl got to do to get in on that breakfast?” I ask hopefully as Joseph turns the bacon. He grabs a plate and slides a couple of rashers and a couple of spoons of scrambled eggs onto it. He passes it to me, and I take it gratefully, sitting down next to Dee. “Thank you. This looks delicious. How did you sleep?” He plates up the rest of the food for him and Dee and sits down opposite me.
“Good, thank you. Very strange being back in my childhood bedroom.” He laughs. I watch the easy back and forth between him and Dee. An outsider would never suspect this was the first night he’d been back in this house for nearly twenty years. I swallow a mouthful of my perfectly cooked eggs,
“Wow, these are delicious,” I tell him with surprise. “You can cook really well. Shit, sorry, that was really rude.” I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning. Gone is yesterday’s euphoria, and it’s been replaced with, well, whatever this is. Nerves, I guess?
“You don’t need to apologise. I learnt to cook in prison. I had a couple of different jobs over the years and being in the kitchen was one of them. There wasn’t much variety in ingredients, but I learnt the basics.”
“What other areas did you work in?”
“The library and the laundry. I completed as many courses and training opportunities as I could while I was in there. I wanted to be able to give myself the best chance of a job if I ever got parole. It soon became obvious that wasn’t happening anytime soon, but I carried on. At times, I just wanted to do something to relieve the boredom, but I also wanted to be someone you could be proud of if we ever met.” The thought of him thinking about me when I knew nothing about him was still a little surreal.
“So, what other skills did you learn?”
“Well, I did my catering qualification and I finished my school exams. I learnt a couple of languages-”
“A couple of languages?” My brow lifts.
“French, Mandarin, Latin, Russian. Although don’t test me on the Mandarin, I could never master the pronunciation.” He rattles off the list easily, as if he has no idea that is seriously impressive. He continues, “I did a degree in psychology and got my Masters in adult education.” Wow. He has certainly made the most of the opportunities on offer. We spend the rest of the morning talking about his time in prison and then move on to me, filling him in on my life. Dee has obviously told him a lot, and my mum when she was still visiting him, but he insists he wants to hear it from me.
He asks me about growing up, my favourite books, the music I love, where I stand with politics. My views on certain things. He’s interested to learn more about what I’m studying now, and what I intend to do with it. I tell him everything he wants to know, but the more I talk, the more I realise I haven’t talked about the biggest part of my childhood. Telling him about myself, without mentioning Grayson, seems like a lie. I want Joseph to know how happy the holidays I spent here were. Growing up wasn’t all bad.
A car door slamming interrupts my thoughts, and I glance out the window. Grayson gets out of his car, and I feel a pang in my chest. I can’t bring myself to look away, and Joseph stops speaking, no doubt wondering what it is that’s caught my attention.
“So…are you ever going to tell me about the boy next door?” I snap my head towards him as he offers me a small smile. “I’m assuming that’s the famous Grayson?” I swing my gaze around to Dee, questioning how Joseph knows about Grayson. She shrugs and holds her hands up.
“I told you I’ve been keeping your dad updated over the years. Of course, I’d tell him about your best friend.” My best friend. My best friend. I glance back to the window and Grayson is still standing next to his car, his head bowed, looking like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“I’d like to meet him. I’m sure he has some stories to tell about you.” I shake my head.
“We’re not really close now.” That doesn’t even slightly cover our current situation, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. With everything Mum has told me over the years, and the way you were looking at him just then, I just assumed you were together.”
