Page 44 of The Absence of You
And then he smiles. And it’s beautiful and breath-taking and I wish I could freeze this moment in time because I have never seen him look as happy as he does right now.
GRAYSON
My girl, yes my girl, because that is what she has always been, is lying in my bed, looking at me like I’m actually worth something. And I don’t know what to do with that. Because I’m not worth a thing. I definitely don’t deserve her but, in this moment, she almost has me believing I do.
What we just did was something special. I wasn’t a virgin, but I have never experienced anything like that before. It wasn’t just fucking, it was way more than that. The connection between us heightened every touch, every breath. And the sensation of feeling her, with nothing between us, because she trusted me with her body that implicitly, it took my breath away.
Just looking at her, thinking of what we’d just done, has my dick stirring again, but I need to go and get a cloth, clean my girl up. I gently pull out, planting a kiss on her forehead as her eyes drift shut.
I stride into the bathroom, wanting to get her cleaned up before she falls into a deep sleep. I dampen a couple of washcloths with warm water before wiping my softening dick.
It takes me a minute to process what I’m seeing. There’s blood on me, on my dick. I’m not hurt. Did I hurt Dahlia? Realisation dawns. Holy shit. She’s a virgin? Was. A. Virgin. I frown. When we played truth or dare weeks ago, she said she had a boyfriend. Didn’t she?
I wrack my brain for her exact words. Meghan asked her if she’d ever been in love, and Dahlia said yes. I try to process what that means. Even though she was in love with that guy, they hadn’t slept together. I was her first. I finish wiping myself clean, rinsing the cloth and watching the pink swirl of blood and our combined cum washing away. The thought of being the only guy to ever be inside her gives me an undeserved jolt of joy. But I wish she’d told me first. I’d have been more gentle with her. Taken it slower. But… It was fucking perfect, and I wouldn’t want to change a thing about tonight.
I find myself back in my room, watching her long deep breaths, her eyes closed. Why didn’t she tell me she was a virgin? Did she think I’d judge her? The caveman in me wants to leave my release between her thighs, but I do the right thing and wipe between her legs. She barely stirs as I carefully clean away more smears of her blood mixed with cum. I pull the duvet over her body and press a chaste kiss on her cheek. As I move away, she whispers sleepily,
“Grayson, lie with me.”
She doesn’t need to ask me twice. I toss the washcloth in my wash basket and climb into the bed next to her. My questions about her ex, and why she didn’t tell me she was a virgin can wait. I’d much rather watch her peaceful face as she drifts back off to sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
DAHLIA
My arm linked with Dee’s, I enter the grand ballroom at Heathley Academy, taking in the transformation it’s undergone for this evening’s event. I’ve been in here once before, early in the school term, for a welcome assembly with the Sixth Form head. It’s undoubtedly a beautiful room, but today it looks even more impressive than usual. The chairs are draped in swathes of luxurious fabric, in autumnal shades of browns and oranges, with green foliage-filled copper vases adorning the long tables. Formally dressed staff greet us, eager to take our coats and draw our attention to the seating arrangements. There is even an orchestra seated at one end of the ballroom, softly playing classical music, adding to the ambience of the room.
The long silver-coloured gown I’m wearing is easily the most beautiful piece of clothing I’ve ever worn. It’s simple but elegant and cut in a way that makes my waist look narrower and gives my breasts a little extra boost. Dee had surprised me with the dress last week, assuming, quite rightly, that I wouldn’t have brought anything suitable from home to wear. It’s stunning, and I love it. I can’t wait for Grayson to see me in it. Other than a couple of texts throughout the day, we’ve not spoken to each other since last night. We had slept in later than I’d planned this morning, and when I woke up and realised the time, I had a quick shower and got dressed. Grayson had still been sound asleep so I slipped out without waking him and went straight to work.
A waiter passes with a tray and offers us both a flute of champagne, which I gratefully take, hoping it’ll steady my nerves. I may look the part, but I still feel very out of my comfort zone tonight. I take a sip and the bubbles tickle my nose. The bitter taste is surprising.
“Yuck, I don’t know why anyone would choose to drink this.” Dee takes a sip from her own glass.
“Nobody really likes champagne,” she whispers conspiratorially, “but it’s one of those things no one talks about.”
“Oh, like olives?” I whisper back.
“Yes, exactly like olives,” she chuckles. It’s always been easy between us. As I got older, I realised my arrival in her life had coincided with my dad leaving, but if Dee held any resentment towards me over the fact she’d lost her only son, she hid it well.
Not for the first time I wonder about my father, about what happened between him and my mum, and whether the pregnancy was the only reason he’d left. He and my mum were unmarried and young when she’d fallen pregnant, but it’s not like they were underage, and I know Dee would have supported them. She has been an important part of my life since I was born, and I’m sure she’d have had an even bigger part in my life if she’d been able to.
When I’d been younger and I’d asked her about my dad, she’d told me stories about what he was like at my age and the things he’d gotten up to, but I could tell it made her a little sad to talk about. And when I asked about my grandfather, Dee’s husband, who’d died before I was born, she clammed up completely, so I eventually stopped asking. My dad has been on my mind a lot since I started at his old school.
Of course I’d Googled him over the years, desperate for any sort of information I could get but I’d found nothing. No online presence at all. It was frustrating and hard to live with.
I’ve seen plenty of photos him, but I have none of my own memories, nothing to form my own opinion from. All I know is I wasn’t enough to make him stay and he clearly has no interest in getting to know me now.
Dee’s one of the kindest, sweet-natured people I’ve ever met. It must have broken her heart when her husband died and then her son left, yet she hasn’t let it turn her into a bitter person. It must be hard for her to be here today. I’m sure she has lots of memories associated with Heathley Academy. Still, she’s not letting it bring her down.
There are maybe fifty or so tables, some of which are occupied with beautifully dressed men and women. Most guests are still milling around, the odd one nodding in recognition as Dee passes them. A few people stop to chat with her, catching up on the last few years, and Dee introduces me to each one. One lady comments about Heathley being in my blood, my legacy even, but I just nod politely. In a lot of ways I have settled into the academy better than I expected to. Still, with my northern accent and different upbringing, I feel like an imposter and I wonder if I will ever be as comfortable as Dee is. She has that knack of being able to fit in with any social circle. I wish I’d inherited it from her.
I’m not used to being in social situations like this, and it’s a little overwhelming. I scan the room for Grayson, or another student even, looking for a familiar face, but I can’t see anyone I know.
The alcohol from the champagne goes straight to my head, more than likely because I’d been too nervous to eat lunch. So, I leave Dee chatting to some of the alumni and go in search of fresh air.
At one end of the hall, I find an unlocked pair of double doors that open out onto the formal gardens. I slip out onto the large patio, which is adorned with pretty fairy lights and lanterns dotted around. Although I can still hear the music and chatter from inside, it’s more peaceful out here. There’s a cool evening breeze, and it skates across my shoulders, causing an involuntary shiver. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to this type of lifestyle. I’ve spent plenty of time with Dee over the years, but her house isn’t like the Academy. She doesn’t have opulent displays of wealth at every turn. Growing up, I had known she was comfortably wealthy, of course. There was a vast difference between her large, comfortable home and our small flat. I’d never felt like I’d missed out on anything, despite the fact we rarely had spare money. As a young child, the only thing I ever felt the absence of, was a father. I shiver again so I hug myself, rubbing my arms to warm myself up. I should have brought my coat out with me. I turn to head back indoors when I’m greeted by a familiar silhouette in the doorway. I had been so lost in my thoughts I had no idea I was no longer alone on the patio.
“You look incredible.” Grayson’s deep voice permeates the air.
