Page 37 of The Absence of You
I don’t know how long we stay wrapped in each other’s embrace, but when we eventually pull apart, I think back to how empty my life had been without Grayson. I was just existing but not really living, and for the first time in a really long time, I want more than that. I want to seize every moment and truly feel like I’m living again.
GRAYSON
When I heard myself say I wanted to find what we’d lost, I meant it. I desperately want that. But I already know it’s impossible. Her optimism is endearing, but it’s borne of ignorance. I tried to tell her I’d changed, but she had misunderstood me. She thought I was just talking about the anger I had towards her. I should really try and explain it to her, but in the last few seconds the energy between us has shifted.
“Grayson…” My name is like a prayer on her delicate lips, like I’m someone worth knowing. And God, do I want to be deserving of that. She accepts that my family is fucked up, but she doesn’t realise that so am I. She has no idea that my heart is so blackened. That it’s destroyed beyond repair from years of emotional abuse from my father and neglect from my mother. My inability to make genuine connections with anyone around me has proved that over and over.
She gently places her small hand on my chest, seeking out eye contact, but I deliberately avoid her gaze. I don’t want her to look too closely, to risk her seeing what lies beneath. Heat radiates between us, and we are so close we are sharing the same air. My resolve falters, and I meet her gaze before letting it drift down to her body and back again
My skin burns under her trembling touch, my body instantly reacting to her proximity. I know she’s being cautious, taking it slowly because she doesn’t know how I’m going to react. We’ve cleared the air, but the physical attraction between us is still new and as a consequence there isn’t the same easiness between us that we had as kids.
She places her other hand on my chest and moves closer to me. We’re barely a couple of inches from each other now. A flush stains her cheeks as her eyes drift to my crotch and she sees my obvious arousal. She swallows, and I trail my finger over the bare skin at the base of her throat.
Her beautiful, wide grey eyes search mine, and I can almost see the cogs ticking in her brain.
She thinks she’s seeing the boy she fell in love with at eight years old. She thinks she’s finally reached the old Grayson. But she’s wrong. My anger towards her is gone, but so is that boy.
I should warn her off. If any of the old me was left, he’d want to protect her precious, pure heart, but this version of me doesn’t say anything. Instead, I run my finger up her neck and when I reach her chin I gently tilt it up, leaning down to meet her lips. And then, I kiss her.
Softly at first, but then I move my hand to the back of her neck and tug her towards me. Her mouth is perfect, like it was made for me. I run my tongue over the seam of her lips, tasting her, learning every curve. She responds with hunger, and we begin to devour each other, hands roaming freely all over each other. I lick, nip, and suck at her mouth and neck as she pulls at my shirt. What’s left of my conscience is frantically trying to tell me that I’m not the right guy for her. She should be with someone good, someone like her. Someone who is nothing like me. I’m ruined, and my ruin is going to bleed out and ruin her, too. I should tell her. I should push her away. But I don’t. Because I’m a prick.
My beautiful Lia has always cared for me unconditionally, ever since the moment we met. That’s why I can already see exactly what will happen. I will end up hurting her. When she finds out about all the awful things I’ve done. When she finds out I have been doing that man’s bidding for years. When she discovers I’m as weak and pathetic as my father has been saying all along.
But still, I’m not going to stop it. Because I know that however hard I break her, that precious, pure heart will always forgive me. And I’m just that damn selfish.
Dahlia pulls away from me and stands, not taking her eyes off me. Slowly, she lifts the hem of her hoodie before peeling it off completely. Fuck, she’s stunning, standing in front of me in her worn jeans that sit low on her hips and a sheer black bra. She’s fucking perfection.
She hesitates, like she’s waiting for my permission to take it further. And damn if that doesn’t turn me on even more. She might be the only person who has ever given me a choice about anything. I widen my legs as an invitation for her to move closer. Her barely covered tits are virtually level with my mouth, and her rosy nipples are begging to be sucked. I lick my lips and put my hands on her waist, gently tugging her closer to me as I move to the edge of the sofa.
Don’t do this. Don’t fucking do this, you selfish bastard. But my body seemingly no longer obeys my mind, and I lean further into her. Fuck, I’m going to take every single thing this girl gives me. Just like I always have. Like when we were kids. I would hang off every word she said, like my soul couldn’t breathe properly unless she was in the room, like she was its only source of energy. Like she was the only thing that made sense of my existence.
DAHLIA
Grayson’s hands rest on my waist for just a second before he hooks his finger in a belt loop and yanks me closer to him. Before I can catch my breath, he’s sucking my nipple through the thin lacy fabric of my bra and I feel it everywhere. He bites down softly on it and then licks, soothing it. He then moves to the other one, doing the same. Need pools low in my stomach. He stops and tugs the cups down on both sides, exposing my damp nipples to the cool air. They tighten and pucker, desperate for more contact. He hisses.
“Fuck Lia, look at you.” He palms himself through his jeans, his bulge clearly straining against the thick fabric. I want him so badly. I have wanted him like this since the moment I saw him in the academy hallway all those weeks ago. After his immediate dismissal of me, I didn’t dare to hope he’d ever want me back in the same way, but there is no denying the desire on his face at this moment. My fear that his feelings towards me were more like those of a protective brother are long gone.
I reach around my back and unfasten my bra, dropping it to the floor. I’m very aware that I’m half naked, and he’s still fully dressed. But it’s like he can read my mind as he stands up, and in one practised movement, pulls his hoodie over his head with one hand. His abs ripple as he does it. Damn, why is that so hot?
It takes me way longer to kick off my Converse than I’d like, but they’re finally off. I pop the top button of my jeans, conscious of him watching my every move. It’s making me all fingers and thumbs. I fumble with the zip, and he takes over from me. He slides it down and then eases my jeans down over my thighs slowly, giving me plenty of opportunity to stop him. Not that I could deny this man anything right now. If anything, I want him to move faster.
I’m left standing before him in just a pair of lacy black panties. Thank fuck I put on decent underwear instead of my usual basic boy shorts. Grayson unbuttons the top of his jeans, but he doesn’t take them off. He sits down on the sofa, pulling me after him, until I’m sitting on his lap straddling him. I grind down on him shamelessly, trying to relieve some of the pressure between my legs. He grabs my tits, practically sucking one into his hot, wet mouth, while he holds the other, rubbing the nipple with his thumb. I’m not huge, but they fit in his hands perfectly. He swaps between the two, giving each of them equal attention while I cling to his shoulders and continue to rub myself along his hard length.
I swear I could orgasm just from this alone, but before I have a chance to test that theory, he flips me over. I’m still on his lap but my back is to his chest. All that time in the gym and the pool has seriously paid off. He made that look way too easy. He pushes his knees between mine, hooking my ankles in the process. As he widens his legs he pushes my thighs open. There’s not much room between the table and the sofa, and in the manoeuvre, the small table is knocked over, the lantern rolling off. It lands on the rug, and stays lit, but it makes the room a shade darker.
“Is this okay?” He runs his hands up my bare thighs, up to the edge of the lace on my underwear. He stills while he waits for my answer. I tilt my head back onto his shoulder. He’s breathing heavily, his hair tickling my face as he runs his tongue up the side of my neck before sucking lightly on my ear lobe. I’ve messed around a bit with boys but never like this, and suddenly I’m self-conscious, especially knowing he has experience. But it’s Grayson, and I’m safe with him. He pauses and waits for my consent. He will never know how important that is to me. I nod, and he uses his knees to widen my legs further.
He runs his finger over my damp panties. Fucking hell. His mouth is hot on my shoulder as he lightly sucks on the skin there, while he continues to touch me over my underwear. He cups me between my legs with his whole hand, and I shamelessly grind into it, so needy for him now, I want the teasing to stop. Pushing the fabric over my crotch aside, he slowly parts my folds before sliding a finger inside me. I’m so wet, there’s little resistance, so he adds a second finger and thrusts them slowly in and out. His long, hard erection is digging into my back, and he ruts into me in time with his fingers. I turn my head, wanting to see his face, and his eyes are hooded, as consumed with lust as I am. He reaches further inside me, studying my face now, watching my expression as he searches for that magical spot that I’m not even convinced exists. Oh fuck. He finds it, and it’s all that and more. He rubs it again, and I clench involuntarily around his fingers. I come so hard my vision goes black for a couple of seconds. I clamp down on his fingers as the waves keep coming. He waits for me to relax before he slides them out. He holds them in front of his face, before whispering “mine” and sucking them into his mouth, and I swear I come again a little.
My legs tremble. It isn’t my first orgasm. Far from it, but it’s easily the most powerful one I’ve ever experienced. I try not to think about how much practice he’s had. I need to push the jealousy down or it’ll eat me alive. I can imagine the cocky grin on his face. He knows how good that was for me. I’m struck by an overwhelming desire to make him feel as good, but I’m also worried that I’ll disappoint him. I’m about to adjust my panties, but he beats me to it, carefully covering me up.
I stand up on wobbly legs and move in front of him, before kneeling down between his knees.
“Fuck no, you don’t have to do that, Lia. I don’t want to rush things.” As soon as he realises what I’m doing, he grabs my hands and hauls me back up so I’m sitting sideways in his lap. He leans towards me and kisses me gently. The last thing I remember before I fall asleep is the taste of myself on his lips.
Chapter Thirty-One
GRAYSON
