Page 29 of The Absence of You
“Same thing as you, I guess, taking the shortest route home. Though from the look of it, you were heading in the opposite direction?”
“I was heading home, but I left something in the library, so I was going back for it.” The fib trips off my tongue. No fucking way I’m going to let him see any more of my weaknesses by admitting I’d been spooked by a bit of rain and a large squirrel.
“Probably best to leave whatever it is at school until tomorrow. The caretaker will have locked up by now. Was it something important?” He asks, cocking his brow and clearly not believing a word of my lame arse excuse. At least he has enough manners not to push me on the real reason I’m running through the woods. “Come on, it’s getting late, and I’m sure Dee will be wondering where you’ve got to.”
Seeing my hesitation, he makes the decision for me, picks my bag up off the ground where I’d dropped it and stalks back through the woods. I have no idea why he’s being nice to me, but I trail after him gratefully, his long strides making it hard to keep up. The pain in my ankle is still there, but it’s more of a dull ache now. Luckily, it’s much easier to watch my footing now I don’t have to worry about navigation too.
We quickly pass through the woods and reach the tall fence that runs across the back of Dee’s property. I’m about to get my key out when Grayson beats me to it. He pulls a key out of his own pocket, unlocks the gate and waits for me to follow.
“You still have your key?” I frown thinking about the summer Dee gave it to Grayson.
“You might have forgotten all about us when you stopped visiting Dahlia, but life still went on,” he says pointedly. I stop walking and stare at him. Is that what he thinks? That I’d forgotten them, that I’d forgotten him? My heart sinks. He couldn’t be further from the truth. Memories of them were the only thing that got me through the last three years. The thought that he’s spent those years believing I’d forgotten about him feels like a kick to my stomach. It stings more than the thought of him being angry at me.
Lost in thought, I almost miss the gate swinging viciously back towards me, as Grayson storms up the path towards the house. By the time I catch up with him, he’s at the section of the garden that borders his family’s estate.
Grayson stoops down and pushes the loose fence panel to the side, squeezing his tall frame through. He must have grown nearly a half a foot since the last time I saw him do that, and all it does is remind me of the time that’s passed.
“Grayson. I didn’t forget you. Not for a single second.” He stops and turns back towards me, holding the fence open. For the briefest of moments, I think he’s going to let me explain but he just shoves my bag through and lets it swing shut again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
GRAYSON
AGE 11
Lying on the grass in Dee’s back garden, I turned to Lia, who’s stretched out on her back next to me. I wished she didn’t have to go back home tomorrow. It’s getting harder every time. The summer is nearly over already, and we had the best time. I wished she could live next door for real. Instead, in a couple of days, we would both be starting different high schools. I’m going to Heathley Academy. I already knew most of the kids I’d be going with because we all went to Heathley Prep together, but Lia is going to a huge high school near her house. Most of the kids from her old school will be going too, but I could tell she was nervous because whenever we talked about it she chewed her bottom lip. I wished we were going somewhere together.
“Grayson, are you listening or have you disappeared into your head again?” Lia teased, poking me in the side. I looked back up at the blue sky, trying to concentrate on playing one of our favourite games. We were taking turns trying to spot clouds that looked like cartoon characters. We’d both spotted four each, so we were in a dead draw. Whoever spotted the next one would win the last cookie.
“Homer Simpson,” Lia giggled, pointing at a cloud to our left. Hmm, I’m pretty sure I look more like Homer Simpson than that cloud does, but when I thought about her leaving tomorrow, I didn’t care about the game.
“You win,” I told her. I smiled to myself, as I watched her face light up as she stuffed the last cookie in her mouth. A voice behind us interrupted my thoughts.
“I’m glad you’re still here, Grayson. I wanted to give you this.” I sat up as Dee handed me a brass key with a keyring attached. “It’s for the back gate. It brings you out by the woods, and you can take a shortcut through to the high school. Lia’s dad used to go that way when he was the same age as you kids, and I wanted you to be able to use the path, too. I had an extra key cut so you can come and go as you please.”
She leaned over to ruffle my hair, and my nose tickled from the cloud of lavender perfume that wafted around her. I knew she was Lia’s grandmother and not mine, but Dee felt more like family than my own parents sometimes. I pocketed the key and thanked Dee, watching Lia chew her bottom lip again out of the corner of my eye.
“Are you staying for dinner again tonight, sweetie?” Dee always seemed to have a sixth sense about when I was trying to avoid going home.
GRAYSON - PRESENT
When Dahlia stopped visiting, I didn’t just lose our friendship. I lost the only decent adult in my life, too. For a while Dee tried to maintain our relationship, inviting me to dinner almost every week, trying to keep up with what I was doing in school, but it was too hard to be around her. Everything at her house was a reminder of Dahlia, including Dee herself. Plus, it was just weird. I was a teenage boy with no actual connection to her. It would have been odd for me to carry on visiting. Eventually, she stopped making the effort, and I was glad she didn’t have to witness me become who I am today. She’d be so disappointed in me, and for a long time, her opinion of me had mattered.
After leaving Dahlia in Dee’s garden, I storm back into my house, up to my room, and throw my bag down on the floor. When she ran into me and I realised she was lost in the woods, I wanted to push her away, but I physically couldn’t do it. She was in my arms, and it was like everything else in the world, but us, ceased to exist. I had to hold myself back, so strong was the urge to kiss her. The fragrance of her hair, sweet and coconutty, was intoxicating. I wanted her so badly. Like I’d never wanted anything before.
I yank at my hair with frustration. I was so fucking pissed at her when she first came back for the way she’d discarded me. But it was getting harder and harder to stay angry at her. The things we experienced together back then had given us a bond that I had been sure was unbreakable. Until she broke it. But … we were just kids.
For the first time, I let myself consider that maybe it wasn’t actually her choice not to come back. I had been so busy making it about me, feeling so abandoned, I’d never really stopped to consider the whole story. And now she’s up here, seemingly without Rosie, and that had to mean something too, right? If nothing else, maybe it’s time we have a conversation, and I actually hear her out.
I drag my shirt over my head and throw it into the wash basket in the corner of my bedroom before walking into the shower cubicle. Turning the power to high, I stand in the spray while it’s still blasting out cold water, not bothering to wait for it to warm up. Pressing my forehead up against the cold tiles, I recall how she felt in my arms. Her holding onto me and seeking protection from whatever the fuck she thought she was running from.
Not gonna lie, I was instantly hard from her clinging to me, and my painful erection hasn’t subsided since. My thick cock bounces against my stomach as I palm it slowly, trying to take the edge off. Never have I felt so out of control of my physical urges. When I look at Dahlia, my balls ache and I feel feral with need. She has no fucking idea how beautiful she is. It’s intoxicating.
How many guys has she been with when she should have just been mine? I know it’s selfish and completely hypocritical to hope she’s still a virgin, but the thought of any other guy touching her makes me see red. When we’d played truth or dare and Dahlia said she’d been in love, those words made me want to hunt down the guy and fucking end him. And I’d be a fucking fool to believe she wouldn’t meet a new guy here soon. I see the way other guys look at her. She’s a fucking goddess. She is my fucking goddess.
I’m so wrapped up in thinking about her I hadn’t realised how hard I was pumping my cock. A bead of pre-cum leaks from its angry head as I imagine what she’d look like on her knees, naked before me. Her pretty lips wrapped around my throbbing dick. Fuck, I bang my fist against the white tiles in frustration. I increase the speed as I move my hand and choke my cock, squeezing it hard. I shut my eyes and picture myself fucking her beautiful mouth until I feel the familiar feeling of my balls drawing up, and I erupt all over the shower wall.
And it does virtually nothing to relieve the frustration I’m feeling.
