Page 3 of The Absence of You
“My darling Dahlia, I can’t believe you’re here. After three long years. And what a dreadful business it’s been with your mother.”
I look away, not wanting to see the sympathy in her eyes. Mum said she told Dee about the rehab, but nothing about what led up to her finally seeking help. I asked her not to say anything. I don’t want to talk about it, and it’s bad enough seeing her pity over the way we’ve been living.
She opens her arms and despite our height difference and her frailty, she envelops me in a tight, comforting embrace that makes me feel safer than I’ve felt in a long time. As I hug her back, I instantly recognise her familiar scent of lavender pomade, and with it, the sweet sugary scent of chocolate and caramel. I let out an involuntary gasp.
“Oh, you’ve been making Florentines?”
“Well, it’s a good job, my darling. You’ve gotten so thin! I need to fatten you up,” she scolds. Clearly she hasn’t forgotten they’re my favourite, and my mouth waters. “Come inside. You’ve had a long journey.”
I follow her indoors as the driver places my bag onto the parquet floor in the large central hall. As a child, I never took the time to appreciate the house, but it’s an impressive entrance, probably bigger than our entire flat. It’s grand, but welcoming. The dark oak flooring is well worn, but it looks like it’s recently been polished, the scent of wax and cedar wood almost as familiar as my own name. There are multiple doors off the hall, leading to a formal dining room, a sitting room and a huge kitchen, and behind me, a huge sweeping staircase curls up and around, leading to the first floor, which has six bedrooms. But my favourite place in the house is the sunroom. It runs across the back of the house with enormous windows, making the most of the view of the gardens. Taking it all in, I think back to the excitement I would feel every time I arrived here as a child.
A wave of nostalgia engulfs me as memories of the best time in my life flood my mind. It all feels so bittersweet and tinged with sadness now. At the time, I thought those summers would go on forever. If I could turn back the clock and relive those moments, I’d never take them for granted in the way I did. I was so fucking clueless and unappreciative.
Chapter Three
DAHLIA
AGE 8
“Deedee!” I threw my arms around my grandma’s soft waist, snuggling into her warm hug. I was staying in my favourite place for the summer holidays, six long weeks. My cheeks ached from smiling so much. “Deedee, what are we having for tea tonight? Can I get the craft box out? What are we doing tomorrow?” Dee smiled at my endless questions.
“Honey chicken and salad. Yes, we can get the craft box out, and we can do whatever you’d like to do tomorrow.” Dee never said no to me. Even though I spent all my school holidays here, she always treated it like a special occasion, and I loved her for it. “But I also have some exciting news! Do you remember I told you I was getting some new neighbours? Well, they are moving in today, but the exciting bit is that they have a little boy, about the same age as you. I thought you might enjoy having someone to play with that isn’t your boring old grandma. When they’re all settled in later, we’ll pop round and welcome them to the neighbourhood.” That did sound exciting. I didn’t think my holidays here could get any better, but how cool would it be to have a friend to play with too?
That afternoon, I watched the giant moving vans pull into the driveway next door to Dee’s. For a few hours, men carried large pieces of furniture and what seemed like hundreds of boxes into the house. Eventually, the last box was carried in, and the large metal doors slammed shut, the tyres crunching on the small stones as the vans pulled away. Dee had been baking all afternoon and was just putting the finishing touches on an apple pie.
“All done,” she announced, and I looked up from the table where I’d spent the afternoon colouring.
“Can I carry the pie?” My grandma chuckled and told me to find some shoes. I pulled on my favourite red wellies and followed her to the door. Dee rang the doorbell while I clutched the warm pie, hoping I wouldn’t drop it and spoil Dee’s hard work. It smelt like sugar, cinnamon, and summer, all things I loved.
The door swung open and a woman stood in the doorway. She looked like a princess with her perfect make-up and shiny hair. As I stared at her, her skirt moved, and a little boy, smaller than me, with a mop of blond hair and the biggest blue eyes I’d ever seen, peeked out from behind her. His eyes were the colour of the sky, not just any sky, but the sky on the brightest, clearest summer day. He caught me looking at him, but before I could look away, he grinned, a dimple appearing in his cheek.
“Hi, I’m Dee Boulton. I live next door. This is my granddaughter, Dahlia. She’s staying with me over the summer. We wanted to come and welcome you to the neighbourhood.” The pretty lady smiled and pulled the little boy out from behind her legs as he held on to her hand tightly.
“That’s kind of you. I’m Melissa Banks and this is my son Grayson.” A tall man walked up behind her. “And this is my husband, Colin.” The man smiled, but his eyes narrowed when Dee offered him her hand to shake. I didn’t like the tall man as much as the lady. Even though he was smiling, he didn’t look happy.
“Well, we just wanted to pop round to let you know we’re here if you need anything while you’re settling in.” Not able to wait any longer, I tugged on Mrs. Bank’s skirt.
“Dee baked this for you. Can we stay and eat some with you?” I asked, hoping I could play with the little boy. Before Mrs. Banks answered me, Dee interrupted,
“Dahlia, Mr. and Mrs. Banks are going to be very busy unpacking for the next few days. They don’t need another little person running around getting under their feet. What about if Grayson comes to our house to play tomorrow instead? I can make you both some lunch, and you can show him the little stream at the back of the garden?” I’d much rather play with him right away, but Mummy taught me good manners, so I knew it would be rude to beg.
But I didn’t need to worry. The next day, his mum and dad were busy unpacking, so they let Grayson come for lunch, and we played all afternoon. I could tell I was going to have the best summer ever with my new best friend.
DAHLIA - PRESENT
“Dee?” I call down to her over the banister, while pulling my jacket on. “Are you down there? I thought I might go next door and see Grayson. What time should I be back for dinner?”
As I run down the stairs, I realise Dee is talking on the phone in the kitchen. I hang back in the hall, not wanting to interrupt her.
“How sure are you that his request will be successful?” She asks whoever she is talking to. “I can’t believe it. After all these years, honestly, I’d given up hope. And the timing, it’s…” Just as I’m about to go back upstairs to give her some privacy, Dee looks up and sees me. She seems startled but smiles at me widely before ending the call. I don’t miss the tremble in her hand as she replaces the handset on the cradle.
“Sweetie, I didn’t see you there. Are you all unpacked? I’ve left some toiletries in your bathroom, but if there’s anything else you need, please just let me know.”
Despite the smile, she seems visibly flustered, but I resist asking her who she was talking to. She’d have told me if she wanted me to know. I’m acutely aware that I know virtually nothing about how her life has been the last few years. At least mum and I had each other. Who did Dee have when we stopped visiting? I have no idea who is in Dee’s life these days. I shake off my curiosity as she looks at me expectantly.
“Yes, I’m all unpacked, thank you. And everything is perfect in my room. I was just thinking about heading over to Grayson’s to say hi before school starts on Monday. Do I have time to go and see him before dinner?” An emotion I can’t identify passes over Dee’s face, but just as quickly, it’s gone.
“The Banks’ house has been shut up all week, I think the family are away, I would leave it for the evening,” she ushers me into the kitchen. “You will have plenty of time to catch up with him once you start school.” My shoulders sag, but I try not to let my disappointment show. “You must be tired from the journey. Let’s have a cup of tea, and you can catch me up on everything I’ve missed over the last few years.”
