Page 12 of The Absence of You
The chatter in the hallway fades to a dull buzz in the background, and I’ve almost forgotten where we are until the bell for first lesson rings loudly, its shrill call bringing me back to reality. As he turns to walk away, my legs almost give way beneath me. Any hope I had of picking up where we’d left off fades as I watch him walk away.
GRAYSON
The last five minutes run through my mind on repeat. No amount of imagining what she would look like now had prepared me for seeing her standing in front of me in the corridor. It’s like someone punched me in the stomach. Her voice was tentative, shy even, like she couldn’t believe I was real.
“Grayson?”
With that one word, she was pleading with me to acknowledge her. But how dare she? What did she think? We would pick up where we left off? Fuck her. I’d waited a year for her to get in touch after the last summer she was here. And that year had turned into two and then three.
Each school holiday, I waited for her, expecting to see her turn up with her bag, her expression always full of sunshine and spark. The thought of her visits was the only thing that kept me going between the holidays. I could put up with anything at home when I had her to escape to. But she didn’t come down for the autumn holiday, and she failed to show at Christmas too.
I’d rung her but she’d never picked up. I knew her mobile phone was a piece of junk, so I’d even written to her, asking Dee to send her the letter, but she never replied.
My father had always been a prick, but over the years, my mum had become just as detached as him, and by that following Easter, I had no one at all left to talk to. Dahlia always made me feel better. When she didn’t come to visit the following Summer, I stopped waiting.
Eventually I had to learn to live without her, and I did my best to stop thinking of her. It was just easier that way. But when I was reminded of her, I still pictured her at nearly fifteen, this innocent girl who broke my heart, but the Dahlia in the hallway wasn’t a little girl anymore.
She was a woman, and fuck if she wasn’t one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen. We’d always been about the same height, but now I towered over her tiny frame. The college uniform was sinful on her, her long legs and the boots she’s wearing making her skirt look almost obscene.
When she’d said my name, for a split second, it was like the last three years hadn’t happened, and she was calling at my house to play or to go for ice cream. I wanted to ask her how she’d been, where she’d been, but then it all came rushing back. Dahlia didn’t care about me, or she wouldn’t have ignored my calls or my letter. Her absence gutted me. It felt like fucking grief, and I was goddamn angry at her for it.
When I didn’t acknowledge her, her silver eyes widened, and she actually had the cheek to look hurt. Our friendship had literally been the best thing about my life for a very long time, and I’d always thought it had meant the same to her, but she’d thrown it away like it was nothing.
Asher catches up with me in the hall before last period,
“Hey man, you got practice tonight, or can you go for a few drinks after class and catch up?”
“I need to speak to Coach, but if you don’t mind hanging on for me, then sure thing. I didn’t bring my car, so can I get a lift with you?”
“Course.” He pauses. “So what’s the story with the new girl? She’s hot, I’ll give her that.” Asher and I had been friends for a long time, but he’d never met Dahlia when we were younger. He knew I had a friend who I’d lost touch with over the years, but he didn’t know the true depth of my friendship with her, and I’d done my best to hide my feelings on pretty much everything over the years. It was easier that way.
“I told you. I don’t know her.” And it’s not a lie. I don’t know her. Not anymore.
Asher gives me a sideways glance like he knows I’m bullshitting him, but he lets it go and moves on to a new topic of conversation. “Alright then. What’s going on with you and Charlotte? Jonathan Ackerman was sniffing around her on Friday night at that party you missed.”
I follow Asher to our next lesson. Ackerman is welcome to Charlotte. He’d be doing me a solid if he kept her away. Maybe our parents will finally let this fucking arrangement go if she meets someone else.
Chapter Eleven
GRAYSON
AGE 11
After the third day in a row of rain, we gave up waiting for decent weather and decided to take our new skateboards to my house to practise. There was a long stretch of smooth flooring along the large landing that would be perfect, so we set up various ramps using bits of wood we’d found in one of the old sheds at Dee’s. We spent hours skating up and down, although there was more falling than actual skateboarding. We were having such a good time until my father came home from work.
“What the hell are you doing up there?!” His loud voice boomed up the stairs. Crap, I cursed under my breath. I froze, panic gripping me. But Lia didn’t hesitate. She grabbed our skateboards and threw them into the large closet on the landing, before gripping my hand and yanking me in after her. She put her finger to her lips, and I nodded in understanding, pulling the door shut after us. Loud footsteps echoed as my father stomped down the landing. There was a loud thud as he kicked a piece of the wood we’d left out.
“Where are you, you little shit?” he yelled, the bangs of doors slamming getting closer to us. I tried to stay as still as Lia was next to me, my sweaty hand still gripping hers. I bit down on my lip. It wasn’t the first time she’d been here when he’d lost his temper, but this was the first time I’d frozen in front of her. I held my breath as my father passed the door.
Eventually he gave up, and I heard him head back downstairs. We waited for a few minutes before we tiptoed out of the closet, but we stalled when we heard my parents in the hall downstairs.
“Melissa! Why are you allowing Grayson to bring all this crap into the house? If he’s damaged the new flooring, I’ll give him a hiding.”
“Colin, please calm down. It’s just children being children. We can afford to replace it.”
“That’s hardly the point, Melissa. It’s about respect. I might have known the little girl from next door would be involved. Trouble follows her around.” Lia stilled next to me. “Clearly she isn’t getting disciplined by her mother, and Dee just lets her run wild. She’s a bad influence on our son.”
“Oh, Colin, she isn’t that bad. It must be hard for Rosie bringing her up without a father. And let’s be honest, it keeps Grayson out from under our feet. He’s never happier than when Dahlia’s here.”
