Page 40 of The Absence of You
The pool is empty, so I throw my towel down on the bench and dive in, breaking the still surface and finding my precious quiet as I swim lap, after lap, after lap.
Chapter Thirty-Three
DAHLIA
The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of swimming with Grayson, studying and working. I love my job at the bookshop. Dee keeps insisting I don’t need a job, that she can give me an allowance, but I’m used to earning my own money. It feels wrong to rely on her. Plus, for the first time in my life, I have the opportunity to build up some savings.
Callie slaps a piece of paper on the table in front of me, making my drink and lunch tray bounce up off the table.
“What’s this?” I pick it up and scan the paper. It’s some sort of booking form, but there are few details on it other than my name and some dates.
“It’s self-defence lessons,” she announces with an infectious smile on her face, hopping from one foot to the other. “It’s a belated birthday present. I know you didn’t get to celebrate your eighteenth, so I booked these for you. It’s with a guy I know. He’s one of the best.”
“Are you serious?” I can’t believe it. Callie has been muttering for a while about hooking me up with a guy she knows for lessons, but I didn’t think she meant it. I jump up and grab her shoulders, pulling her into a hug.
“Thank you so much Callie. This is incredible!”
“I thought I could come with you. I could do with the practice. Plus, I hardly get to see you now Grayson has taken over your swimming lessons.” She winks at me. I blush at the thought of our lessons this week. Now that I’m a bit more confident in the pool, most of our lessons end up with us splashing around and him teasing me.
During last night’s lesson in the very deserted academy pool, he’d promised me a reward if I could swim the full length of the pool. I thought back to the reward he’d delivered. How he’d pinned me against the wall, nudging my legs apart with his thighs until I ended up straddling his lean waist as he’d gently rutted into me. He was letting me set the pace, little touches, kisses, but nothing like what had happened in the summerhouse. I was enjoying our time together, but all the teasing was just making me want more. Last night, despite being in the academy pool, and knowing there was a chance someone could walk in on us, all I could think about was how much I’d love him to lose control. As he’d rubbed his length over my clit again and again, I’d so badly wanted him to rip down both our swimming things and to take me against the wall of the pool, but just as things had started getting really hot and heavy, he’d pulled back and left me high and dry.
“Earth to Dahlia.” Callie is smiling like she knows exactly where my mind went. “So, things are going well still?”
“Yeah, really good. He says he doesn’t want to rush things, but honestly, I don’t want to wait any longer. I’m ready to take the next step.”
“Wow. Okay. Have you ever…with anyone…before?” I shake my head.
“I’ve been to the clinic and sorted birth control, and I feel ready. He doesn’t know I’m a virgin, though. Do you think I should tell him? I’m just worried I have so little experience compared to him.” Callie chews her sandwich slowly, clearly mulling over what I’ve asked her.
“Personally, I think ‘virginity’ is just a social construct. Hymens can be broken in loads of different ways. It’s going to be your first time with him whether you’d slept with anyone else or not and the same with him. It’s his first time with you. His prior experience has no bearing on what happens between you two. It’s a totally separate thing.” I hadn’t thought of it in that way, but I understand what she means. It would be our first time together. I need to focus on that. Callie and I are the same age, but she’s always seemed older than me, like she’s worldly in a way that I’m not. “Have you ever slept with anyone? You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.” I add.
“Yes. My ex. But let’s just say it didn’t end well.” She offers me a small smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I’m staying away from guys for the foreseeable.” Any guy would be lucky to be with Callie, but I can understand her wanting to protect her heart. This does not seem like it would be a story for the busy school dining hall, so I reach over and squeeze her hand. Her ex must have done a real number on her.
During lunch, Callie suggested we make a trip to the local out-of-town shopping centre after school, so we are currently pulling into the huge multi-storey car park. I need to buy a pair of shoes. Dee told me we have a function to attend at the weekend. Apparently Heathley Academy holds a ball each year and donors and alumni are invited to attend. My grandfather had been a governor at the academy and had left them a sizeable donation in his will, so Dee is invited each year in his memory. She said she hadn’t attended for a few years, but that it would be nice for us to go together this year. Grayson told me that his and Asher’s families attend every year. Callie’s family had been invited, but she said they never went. It sounded very formal and a little intimidating, but a part of me was curious about what it would be like to attend something like that.
The ball isn’t until Saturday and tomorrow night I have plans with Grayson. His parents are in the city, so he asked if I’d like to come round and watch a couple of movies and get a pizza. He said he had no expectations, but we had the house to ourselves, so I was welcome to stay over. I’d be lying if I said the thought of having that time with him wasn’t making me imagine everything we could potentially get up to.
All of our time together, so far, has consisted of snatched moments here and there, but to have a whole evening and night together will be amazing. I told Dee I’d be out, and she assumed I was staying at Callie's house. I’m eighteen, I don’t need to hide anything from her. I’m an adult, and God knows, I’m old enough to be having a relationship if I want to, but Dee still treats me like I’m a child in some ways, and I’m almost scared to shatter the illusion for her. I also don’t have the words to describe what is between Grayson and me yet. It’s still very new, and I don’t want to tempt fate by reading more into it than there is. We know each other really well, but at the same time, I feel like I’m getting to know him all over again. I’m sure it’s the same for him.
“What colour is your dress?” Callie asks me, admiring a pair of black stilettos with red soles.
“Silver.” I pick up a pair of shoes on the shelf near Callie. “I know I said I’d been paid, so I have some money to treat myself, but I could buy a car with the money these shoes cost!” I exclaim, seeing the price tag. I put them back and pull her over towards the sale rack. We don’t find anything I like in this shop, so we move on and, after two hours, I eventually settle on a pair of tall platform wedges. They aren’t as delicate looking as I’d like, but we quickly worked out I have little to no balance in stilettos. The shoes cost a little more than I wanted to spend, but they are versatile enough, so I'll be able to wear them fairly often. I also buy some sexy bras and underwear sets while we’re out, hoping to wow Grayson. Callie buys a few art supplies in a quirky little craft shop.
I treat Callie to a milkshake before we head back to her car. The shopping trip was fun. Initially, I felt guilty, thinking of what else that money could pay for, our electric bill or meals for the week, but I pushed those thoughts aside as the afternoon went on, and I realised I was enjoying it. It helps having Callie as company. She’s cool. She makes me laugh, and she doesn’t take herself too seriously. It’s weird for me to have a close friend. Obviously, I’d had Grayson growing up, but Callie is the first proper girlfriend I’ve had. She hasn’t said much about it, but I get the feeling she doesn’t make friends easily either. She’s a private person, and I know people find that hard to read sometimes. Maybe we recognise that in each other which is why we get on so well.
As we climb into her car, I see a familiar guy in a suit watching us from across the car park. It’s the second time I’ve seen him today. When we were getting our milkshakes, he was behind us in the queue, but when he sat down a few tables away, he was drinking water. I noticed him because I figured it was a bit weird just buying water at a milkshake bar. But now he’s in the car park, watching us again. Discreetly as I can, I point him out to Callie, but she doesn’t seem concerned.
Chapter Thirty-Four
GRAYSON
AGE 14
Dahlia gently pressed the wrapped ice against my face, but I didn’t need it. Just her presence was enough to distract me from the throbbing of my cheek and the fucked up reality of my life. Her wide grey eyes were stormier than usual tonight and it was my fault.
Fuck, I wished I was stronger. I should be the one taking care of her, but instead she’s lying here worrying about me.
I nearly hit him back tonight. I wanted to. I imagined how good it would feel. I imagined how shocked he’d be. But instead of defending myself, I stood there and let him beat on me. Time and time again, I dreamt of retaliating with the same rage he inflicts on me, but I can’t. Not yet.
