Page 33 of The Absence of You
“Stay and listen to the rest of the song,” he urges. He pulls my hand into his and against my better judgement, I let him.
Instinctively, I edge closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder. Despite the cramped space in the front of the car, our bodies align perfectly, like we were made to fit together like this. My heart starts to beat faster, and I can feel every place are bodies are touching like they are on fire. We both sit silently as the music fills the car, memories of our childhood flooding back to me to the point where it’s almost overwhelming. I have to fight back the tears that start to threaten, just as I feel Grayson’s fingers coast under my chin, tilting my face so I’m looking at him.
We stare at each other, as if we are both silently acknowledging how intertwined our history is, when the song comes to an abrupt end.
As I go to pull away, Grayson crashes his lips against mine, and the mood instantly shifts. My stomach pitches, and I can’t control myself. I claw at his chest, desperately kissing him back. I’m not sure what possesses me, whether it’s the years of anticipation that have built up to this moment, but I can’t get enough of him.
His tongue sweeps across my bottom lip as his hands find my waist. He licks into my mouth and I kiss him back with a fervour that I’ve never known before. He lifts me effortlessly from my seat and drags me into his lap. I squirm, my hips grinding down of their own accord onto his erection.
“Goddammit Lia,” he growls as he takes my face in his hands, seemingly holding himself back. My whole lower half clenches in a ball of desire as I imagine him letting go and losing control. I run my hands through the back of his hair, mussing it up and tugging lightly, and he pulls me even closer towards him. As he looks at me, my heart stutters. I’ve touched him plenty of times before. But never like this. I know with absolute certainty that the feel of his body will be permanently committed into my subconscious after this moment. He tastes of sun on my face, of endless summer days, of childhood dreams and possibility. Kissing him feels like coming home. After a few seconds of us just studying each other, he leans back in and catches my lower lip in his teeth, tugging it gently. Our kiss had started off hard and demanding, like we were claiming each other, but now the wild heat has turned into something softer as we explore each other tenderly.
Eventually we pull apart, both of us desperately needing to get our breath back,
“Fuck. You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,” he tells me, stroking my cheek tenderly. Out of nowhere, I’m suddenly hit by the thought of Charlotte. I had gotten so caught up in the moment, just the two of us in this car with all our history, it had been easy to forget about anything else outside of us. But that isn’t the reality. As much as I want Grayson to be mine, I know he isn’t.
And I don’t kiss other people’s boyfriends. I am not that girl.
I climb off his lap and sink back into my seat.
“Shit, shit, shit. What about Charlotte?” I almost yell. “I can’t believe I just did that,” I frantically rub at my mouth, as if I can undo the last few minutes. I’m wracked with guilt, but there’s no remorse on Grayson’s face, just his swollen lips and desire.
“Stop. It isn’t what you think between Charlotte and me. We aren’t together like that. We have an…understanding.” Even just hearing her name on his lips gives me a pang of jealousy.
“What does that even mean, Grayson?” He’s about to reply, but voices from outside the car break the moment and I see Colin and Melissa come out of their house. They don’t look like they’ve noticed us, but Grayson stiffens beside me. Only once they get in their car and pull away does he relax.
Despite what he said, it doesn’t do much to lessen my guilt, no matter how sincere he seems. Plus, I saw the way he flinched when he saw his parents. It’s clear he didn’t want them to see us together. I jump out of his car and run into Dee’s, not looking back.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
DAHLIA
Waking up with a groan, I unfurl my body, stretching out my limbs. Reconnecting with Grayson yesterday has settled something in me. I feel lighter somehow. And that kiss. I touch my lips, remembering how amazing it felt to lose myself in the moment. I’d kissed other boys but never like that. Not with that sort of passion. Never wanting to rip their clothes off and climb them the way I wanted to when I looked at Grayson. It was intense.
Yesterday was infinitely better than the hate he’d been throwing at me until now. But I can’t let myself get carried away and assume we are going to be okay. There is the whole Charlotte thing, too. Grayson said they weren’t together, but I’d seen them with my own eyes. It was definitely something. Maybe he means they’re fuck buddies or something. That thought makes my heart pound.
Could I be close to Grayson again, while he was fucking her, or any number of other girls? I’m nauseated at the thought.
Throwing on my dressing gown, I wander down to the kitchen. Dee’s car isn’t in the driveway, but there is a pot of still-warm tea on the stove, so she mustn’t have been out long. Pouring myself a cup, I text Callie to see if she’s free and to suggest meeting for a study date.
I mull over Grayson’s offer to take over Callie’s swimming coaching yesterday, but really, how genuine was he being? Now he’s had time to think about it, he might not want to. The lesson I’d had with Callie yesterday had gone better than I’d expected, and it might just be easier to carry on with her. My phone pings with a message to say Callie could meet me at the library in an hour, so I grab a piece of fruit and go back upstairs to get dressed.
Forty minutes later, I let myself through the gate at the back of Dee’s and head to school.
“Dahlia, wait!” Grayson calls from behind me. I stop and wait for him to catch me up. He’s dressed in grey joggers and a dark hoodie, and he looks unfairly hot for this time in the morning. As he approaches, I feel the heat of his gaze on me, and I look away, fighting the urge to pounce on him in the middle of the woods. It’s bad enough I have kissed him once when I don’t know what the full story with Charlotte is. “Need me to show you the way?” he teases when he finally catches me up.
“Very funny.” I roll my eyes. “Are you going to school? I’m meeting Callie at the library.”
I needn’t have worried about any awkwardness between us as Grayson and I fall into easy conversation while we walk towards the academy. “We need to make a plan for the swimming lessons. I tend to use the academy pool for my training as I need the extra length, but the one at my house would be fine for me to teach you initially. It’ll be quieter and more convenient too.” I considered his offer.
“Would your parents be okay about it?” He definitely had a strange reaction in the driveway yesterday when he thought they were going to see us together.
“They’re rarely at home, and when they are, they don’t come out to the pool, anyway.” Grayson’s eyes shine with the idea.
“And Charlotte? She wouldn’t mind?”
“I told you yesterday. She isn’t my girlfriend. It’s nothing to do with her.” I should ask him to elaborate, but I don’t. I’m not sure I’m ready to hear details about what they are exactly, so instead I hear myself accepting his offer.
“In that case, yes, I will. Thanks.” A few minutes later, we arrive at school, and I say goodbye to Grayson as he goes to the gym and I walk towards Callie, who is leaning against her car.
