Page 4 of Disturbing the Dead
“Then you can unhire her, with appropriate compensation.” She turns to poor Lorna. “First question. You are gathering my brother’s shirts, and you realize the red stains are blood. What do you do?”
“Annis…” Isla says, but Gray’s look says to let her go.
“I soak it in cold water, ma’am,” Lorna says in a barely audible voice. “Then I take it to the laundress. I understand Dr. Gray is a surgeon, and even if he does not practice as one, he does assist the police with examining the dead.”
“As we have explained,” Gray says.
Annis ignores him. “Next question. You are cleaning the funerary parlor downstairs, and you find that my brother has left a jar with a preserved human head on the desk.”
“I do not have jars with heads, Annis,” Gray says. “That would be the height of disrespect. I have body parts, yes, but only if they are valuable specimens in the study of forensic science.”
She turns to Lorna. “There is a floating human head with the eyes open and staring at you. What do you do?”
“I…” Lorna shivers before straightening. “I would like to say that I continue to clean the room, but I must admit that I would not. I would close the door and respectfully request that the groom remove it so that I might continue.”
“You do not need to involve Simon,” Isla says. “Anyone in the household would remove it for you, although personally, I would rather not.”
“On the subject of the groom,” Annis says. “What are your thoughts on them?”
“On… grooms?”
“One of your predecessors was let go for setting her cap on Simon and refusing to take no for an answer. See that you do not do the same. It is pointless. You are a girl. He is not interested.”
“Annis!” Isla says, but Lorna seems not to take her meaning and only nods.
“I would never do such a thing,” Lorna says, her voice coming a little stronger now, as if she is gaining confidence in this world’s-strangest-maid-interview. “It is not wrong to express a romantic interest, but it is wrong to pursue it once it is declined.”
“Good answer,” I say.
Annis snorts and continues, “Question four. You are walking through the courtyard and see that someone has left open the door to the poison garden. What do you do?”
“P-poison…?”
“A garden filled with deadly plants.”
“They aren’t all deadly,” I say, only to realize that might not help.
When poor Lorna falters, Annis goes for the kill. “It used to be my garden. Did you know my husband died this past spring of poison? Unconnected, of course. I have not used the garden in decades. Now it belongs to Isla. I would not overly concern yourself about the poison there, though. It is my sister’s laboratory you need to worry about. She—”
“Annis,” Isla snaps. She turns to the girl. “Yes, there is a garden of poisonous plants, for study only, and it is never unlocked. Nor will you ever be required to clean my laboratory. In fact, it is also kept locked, and the staff are not permitted entry.”
Judging by Lorna’s face, this is not as reassuring as Isla intends.
“I…” Lorna squares her thin shoulders. “I know you are a chemist, ma’am, and I understand there may be poisonous substances in the house.”
Annis eyes her. Then she says, “Last question. What are you?”
“What… am I?”
“Thief, pickpocket, con artist, prostit—”
“Annis!” Isla says. “That is enough. She is a maid, nothing more.”
Annis looks at Lorna. “I know my sister’s hiring practices. There is no shame in saying you have picked pockets or lifted your skirts, so long as you do not intend to continue while you are here. Well, no, if you lift your skirts without charging for it, that is no one’s business but your own. Unless you intend to lift them for my brother. He will not properly appreciate it. Nor would I. You are far too young for either of us.”
“All right, Annis,” Gray says as Isla sputters, unable to form words. “You have had your fun terrorizing the poor child, and the fact she is still standing here is proof enough that she has the constitution we require.” He turns to Lorna. “My sister is correct that we typically hire staff who have fallen afoul of the law, sometimes with cause and sometimes without. Their stories are their own business, and I trust you will respect that, Lorna.”
“Yes, sir.”
