Page 29 of The Boy Who Cried Bear
“Damn,” he mutters. He holds the door for me, and we go inside. “What do you think happened?”
Gunnar takes my silence to mean he’s not getting more, and he doesn’t push, just drops into a chair.
“Yes, I was the last person to be with Max, apparently,” he says. “But I left him alone and went with Yolanda. She returned before I did, and he was already gone. At that time, I was still helping Kendra.”
I open my mouth, but he pushes on, “Maybe I shouldn’t have taken him up to the perch. I was aware of how it could look. I had him go up first and get out to where people could see him before I went up.”
“If you knew it was a problem, why do it?”
“Because the kid needed someone he could vent to.”
“Vent about what?”
Gunnar’s brows shoot up. “He told you guys he saw a bear with human eyes, and you took his statement and then held a meeting telling everyone it was a bear. You didn’t even warn him first.”
I sink into my chair. I hadn’t considered that.
“He was angry,” Gunnar says. “Angry and embarrassed. I brought him up there in case he wanted to talk.”
“Did he?”
“A bit. Mostly, I just let him sit.” He shifts forward in his chair. “I know his mom doesn’t like him hanging out with me, which is why I don’t usually do it. I don’t know how to convince her I’m not a perv. Maybe I can’t. Maybe I should accept that and back off.”
“So why don’t you?”
“Because he needs something he’s not getting, and I understand that.”
“Okay.”
I let the silence fall. Gunnar squirms and then holds himself still.
“Look,” he says, “I’ve had enough therapy to last me a lifetime, and it was all bullshit. I’m not saying Isabel isn’t helping Max. She seems better than anyone I ever had. And Mathias is one scary fucker, but I think Carson needs that. But as much as they can try to understand what the kid’s going through, unless something like that happened to them, they can’t.”
“Okay.”
Again I just let the word drop. Again he shifts in his seat before stopping himself.
“I’m going to say this very fast,” he says, “and I don’t ever want it mentioned again. I’m only saying it because it explains why a grown man wants to help a kid like Max. It’s between us, right? Confidential.”
“It’s confidential unless you hurt Max. Then everything’s fair game.”
“I didn’t, so I’m not worried. Here goes. My dad killed my mom. Took a shot at me, but I ran, and when I came back with the neighbor, he’d killed himself. Don’t say you’re sorry because that’s just awkward. It’s not some sob story I’m telling to make you feel bad for me. I don’t talk about it. Ever. But there it is. Max’s dad was murdered and his mom hurt, and I’m not going to push myself at him like some kind of trauma-buddy, but if he wants someone to just be there, in case he needs to talk, I can do that.”
It’s really hard to not say “I’m sorry” even if Gunnar has told me not to. He just confessed to something horrific in his life, throwing it out there in a way that tells me he really doesn’t want to talk about it and would rather never have mentioned it.
“I understand,” I say. “It’s a tough situation because you have a valid reason, but he’s still a minor, and if his mom doesn’t want him around you…”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Maybe if you talked to her—”
“She’d think I was full of shit. That I’m a perv with a fake sob story that gives me an excuse to be around little boys. If you’re concerned my story’s fake, I can give you details to look it up. But I’d rather not if I don’t need to.”
“Understood.”
“I was extra careful with Max, and not because of his mom. I had stuff happen to me after my parents died. Nothing major. Just people crossing lines. Kids like Max and me, I think we put out some kind of signal that pervs pick up on and know they’ve got a live one, a boy who might fall for their games, as if what happened makes us desperate and needy. I was careful with Max so he’d know I wasn’t like that, but also trying to teach him how to be ready for people who are like that.”
“Okay.”
