Page 81 of The Trouble with Love and Ink
Their kiss may as well have been an icicle to the chest—cold and piercing. It took my breath away. I covered my mouth with one hand and pressed the button for our floor with the other. Then, I repeatedly mashed the button to close the door.
As the doors obeyed, I had to grip the railing to keep from sinking to the floor. I knew this would happen. I knew it. And I still let him take me to Costa Rica. Insisted he dance with me. Told him to kiss me. Had sex with him during a rainstorm.
I still let myself fall in love with him.
And then I’d damned any chance we had by telling him how Reagan really felt.
I hadn’t seen it for what it was before, but by trying to be Hailey, I’d tripped some sort of cosmic breaker. Self-sabotaged my life with a careless underthrow.
I’d fabricated this lie in my head that I wasn’t engaging in risky behavior by taking the calligraphy job, pretending to be someone else, coming to Costa Rica with Beck. But that’s the trouble with love and ink. They leave a stain.
I always thought the universe celebrated the bold and brave Haileys of the world, but look at her now. She’d gambled everything to move in with some guy—leaped without looking in the name of love. There was nothing more romantic than that. But only if it works out, right? Now, she could only sweep up the pieces of her broken heart—her broken life.
And I’d have to do the same.
When Beck entered the suite, I noticed the quiet, guilty shuffle of his feet. But I didn’t look up. Busying my hands and my attention with packing.
“Emily, I need to tell you—” he seemed to take in my open suitcase and how I had unceremoniously tossed clothes inside as if it normally wouldn’t pop a vessel in my eye to not have everything carefully folded and in its rightful place. “What are you doing?”
“I have to go,” I said, praying he couldn’t see the tears. “Hailey needs me. She and her boyfriend broke up.”
“Oh.” A long pause as he processed. “You have to go now?”
“Yup,” I let the last consonant pop.
The air in the room soured. I hated being so short with him, but I hated being betrayed by him even more.
He seemed to read the shift because his next question came quieter, more cautiously. “Do you need me to come with you?”
“Your sister’s wedding is two days away,” I reminded him. “I’ll be fine.”
“I can at least ride with you to the airport.”
“No, Beck.” I dropped my toiletry bag into the suitcase and looked at him. “This is for the best. We knew my time being Hailey had an expiration date. And honestly, it ended when Madison found my passport yesterday.” I zipped my suitcase and hauled it off the bed. “Now we can go back to normal.”
I made for the door, hoping for a quick getaway. I needed to put space between us so I could dissolve into tears in peace.
“Go back to normal?” He put out a hand to stop me. “Emily, where is this coming from?”
I considered telling him that it came from Reagan’s plump lips being planted on his, but I’d confronted a cheater before. With Chad, I’d literally caught him with his pants down, and he’d tried to tell me, “It’s not what it looks like.”
Besides, was Beck really cheating? Were we even something that could be cheated on? We hadn’t staked a claim. Hadn’t put a label on us. So, I approached it from a different angle.
“Look at the damage we’ve caused! We might lose our jobs.”
“You act as though that would be the end of the world. You hate that fucking job. It’s killing you.” He put his hands on my shoulders. “I know you’re scared. And I get it, I do. But you should give calligraphy a chance. A real chance.”
“I already have!” I backed out of his reach. He wasn’t hearing me, wasn’t understanding our situation at all. “And what a great start I’ve gotten off to. I’ve really instilled a sense of integrity—proven I’m someone my clients can trust.” I laughed bitterly. “Do you think Kat and Sebastian will hire me now?”
“Forget them. You are smart and talented, and you come alive when doing calligraphy. Don’t give that up. Hell, start a new company under a fresh name.”
“I think this is confusing because that seems like a move I would make, but that’s only because I’ve been trying on Hailey’s life, which has gotten me nowhere. Actually, worse than nowhere.” I ran a hand through my hair, knowing I should think, breathe. The conversation was a runaway train at this point, completely getting away from me. “Starting a company in lieu of a stable career isn’t me. And neither is going on vacation with my coworker—fake dating him—so he can get back with his ex.”
Beck flinched. “Is that what you think I’m doing?” He looked at the ground with a pained expression as he seemed to search for the words. “I’m sorry if I haven’t made it abundantly clear.” His eyes met mine, sharper than before, and I watched his Adam’s apple dip past that freckle. “Emily, I’m in love with you.”
The words struck. Pierced. Hammered. Shredded my heart. Because I wanted to believe them. I wanted to believe them so badly, but they weren’t true. We’d been pretending, and it was time to wake up and face the real world.
“You didn’t fall in love with me, Beck.” Tears fell before I could even finish. “I was trying to be more like Hailey.” My breath shuddered. “Who you fell in love with isn’t me.”
