Page 47 of Midnight of Ashes
I tried to jerk my hands free, but Hayden held firm.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was,” I growled.
Hayden’s violet gaze locked with mine. “Maddox, this wasn’t your fault.”
Each word was like a carefully placed blow. And before I knew it, tears were filling my eyes.
24
HAYDEN
Maddox’s tears were a knife to the heart. This strong, brave man finally breaking under the pressure he’d been under for over a decade. I moved then; I couldn’t help it. I climbed onto his lap and wrapped myself around him.
His shoulders shook as he let himself fall apart. Just for a moment. But I didn’t let go, even as Maddox struggled to pull himself together.
His face was pressed to the crook of my neck. “Her parents blamed me. It’s why I ended up leaving my horde.”
I stiffened, my hold on him tightening. I understood that Niecy’s parents must’ve been in the throes of terrible grief, but to place fault on Maddox, who had done nothing wrong? “It was their grief talking. They weren’t in their right minds.”
“It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been so hell-bent on going to college.”
I pulled back, framing Maddox’s face in my hands. “And that makes you a monster? Wanting to learn? Then I’m a monster, too. Lock me up and stone me.”
Maddox glowered. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Then don’t you talk about yourself like that either.”
His hand lifted, fingers tracing the side of my face. “I’m going to hurt you. I already have.”
I steeled myself, staring into those amber eyes that had hypnotized me from the first moment I’d seen them. “Yes. And I’ll hurt you. What matters is that we do our best to make it right when it happens.”
Maddox shook his head, black hair moving in artful disarray. “It’s more, and you know it.”
I gripped his face harder, forcing his gaze to mine. “You want to know what hurts the most?”
He stared at me for a long moment. “Yes.” The word was barely audible. As if he was terrified to know the answer yet needed it just the same.
“You hiding yourself from me. Not letting me in. I’m not saying that I have a right to all your secrets, but I want to know you, Mad. Please.”
Under normal circumstances, I would’ve been embarrassed at my pleading tone. But I was past that. I needed to break down these walls between us, and if begging was what it took, then I’d get down on my knees.
Maddox searched my face, looking for something. “I don’t know if I can. It’s been a long time since I’ve let a partner in. I don’t know if I’m equipped.”
Because if he didn’t let his partners truly mean something to him, then they couldn’t be a weakness.
My thumbs swept back and forth across his cheeks. “You already are. You did it tonight.”
Fear struck through those amber eyes.
“Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t run from me.”
A battle played out across Maddox’s expression. “We put you at horrible risk.”
“Maybe,” I admitted. “But how much more risk would I be at if you hadn’t found me? What if another horde had? What if the Corbetts had?”
I couldn’t help the shiver that ran through me at the thought. I never would’ve survived their plans for me.
