Page 7 of Nine Month Contract
“They just didn’t feel right,” I grunt, knowing there’s no way in hell I can say that last part out loud. I can barely admit it to myself.
Eva clears her throat. “It could be because you’re not our typical clientele…” My eyes flare at that comment before she blurts out, “Imean, we get single candidates in here, but they’re usually women. Some men…but they’re typically…”
I silently finish her sentence.Gay.How does she know I’m not?Way to be fucking inclusive, Eva.
She splays her hands on her desk and asks, “Just so I fully understand, you are looking to become a single father? No partner in your life currently? We might be able to find a few more surrogate options if…well, if thatcouldbe the case. Many of our ‘belly buddy babysitters’ prefer to select more…complete families.”
“No partner,” I grind out, my gravelly voice at odds with the flowery word she used to describe surrogates. I’ve seen that “belly buddy babysitter” phrase in many of the books I’ve read, and it makes my nose wrinkle. This entire place and all the soft pink colors make my nose wrinkle too. God, how have I kept coming back here time after time? Especially because this is the fourth professional in this agency who I’ve had to reassure that I know what I’m signing up for.
Believe me,I know.
I’ve had to spend the past year reassuring my entire family that I’m not in the middle of some midlife crisis. Can you have a midlife crisis at thirty-eight? It seems a little premature, but try telling that to my three brothers, who insert their opinions at every opportunity. Or my niece, whose “interview process” bordered on TMI. Despite what Calder thinks, there are things uncles should never share with their nieces.Like dating habits.And Craigslist accounts…
Eva tilts her head and rakes her eyes over my whole body, like somehow my blue flannel shirt and faded blue jeans with a tear on the thigh will reveal something that will make this make sense to her. Maybe I should roll up my sleeves to show her the ink of my dead dad’s favorite saying scrawled through the various ink on my forearm? Or prop my Timberland boots on her desk so she can get a good look at the lingering manure on the bottom? Let her really get a good mental image of the loner mountain man with a pet goat who’s seeking a surrogate to fulfill his dream of becoming a father? Because clearly, she’s having trouble digesting all of this…along with the rest of the fucking world.
“This is making a lot more sense now.” Eva sighs, pushing my envelope to the side. I frown, wondering what she means by that, and she answers my unspoken question. “I’m afraid we’ve run out of qualified candidates for you at this time, Mr. Fletcher. Unless, perhaps, you have a family member who might be interested in helping you. A sister or sister-in-law? We could find you a donor egg for the process if there are genetic connections.”
“No sisters,” I bark back a touch too aggressively. I want this process to be as disconnected from someone as possible, so that idea is off the table. She looks taken aback by my tone, so I soften my voice. “Sorry, but I have enough trouble with my three brothers,” I add dryly.
“There are three more like you?” Eva whispers this question to herself, her lips parting as her gaze drops down to my body once again. She catches herself and shakes her head. “Sorry…um…what I mean is…I’m afraid, at this time, you are unmatchable, and there is nothing we can do for you. But we’ll keep your name on file and contact you if a new potential surrogate pops up who we think might be a good fit.”
Great. What she really means is:“But we’ll keep your name on file and make sure we don’t look for a potential surrogate for you.”
And that’s when a startling truth takes form.
My future dream is now in the hands of my eighteen-year-old niece.
PotentialSurrogatesInterviewed:6
PotentialSurrogatesDismissed:6
“So basically, I feel like if I get pregnant for money, then I can’t get pregnant by accident again!” Savannah laughs and begins chewing her thumbnail once more.
That finger has barely been out of her mouth during this interview except for her to have one sip of the kombucha beverage she selected from the reception area minifridge before she proceeded to spray the contents of her mouth all over the floor and yell that it tasted like “cat piss.”
I’m not a fan of kombucha either, but even I knew that was a red-flag moment.
Savannah looked so good on my spreadsheet, though! Twenty-five years old, which is a bit young for Uncle Wyatt, but there’s an age gap between my dad and Cozy, and they worked out great. Her application indicated that she had a baby at eighteen that she placed with an adoptive family, and I took that as a positive. A woman who’s been pregnant before and wasn’t ready at the time, but maybe she’d be ready now…with the right man? It could work!
But the getting-pregnant-by-accident remark…it’s going to be a no for me.
I excuse Savannah from the boardroom and let her know that I’llgive her a call if we want to go to phase two of meeting Wyatt even though I know that call will never happen. She just didn’t have the right vibe. I could overlook the cat-piss comment if she had that rizz about her. But she doesn’t.
No one has.
I’m three days into these interviews and realizing with great regret that my spreadsheet is failing me.
Day one, there was Polly. A twenty-nine-year-old mother of two kids. Loves being pregnant because she doesn’t have to have sex with her baby daddy, who she lives with. He thinks pregnancy is gross, but he likes money, so he supports her endeavors. Her most notable pregnancy craving was cottage cheese and Doritos, and she’d like that food supply noted in the contract.
Lives with baby daddy…hard pass.
Then there was Valerie. Divorced with three kids, who all piled into the boardroom with her for the interview. She has them full-time because her ex is behind on child support payments, and she can’t afford childcare. My heart went out to her, and while there were no obvious red flags, I just don’t think Uncle Wyatt could handle four kids all at once.
Twenty-six-year-old Morgan is currently in a “toxic situationship,” and if selected to be a surrogate, she needs to have a C-section because she wants her vagina to remain high and tight.
Gulp.
And those all cleared the background checks!
