Page 26 of Watch Her Bleed
“I have an idea, but I’m just a Google doctor,” Kaia says. “I’ve been doing some research on it today.”
“Let’s hear it,” the doctor says.
“I think Aurora has Hashimoto’s,” she says. “Unless it destroys her thyroid, no one will test.”
“They’ve checked my thyroid before,” I say.
“Well, you can have Hashimoto’s and have it not affect your thyroid numbers yet. It could simply not be that advanced yet,” he says. “Hashimoto’s can affect everything from depression to fertility to dry skin to thyroid issues.”
“Is it bad?” Matt asks.
“No. It’s treatable. Generally, a diet will help alongside hormone therapy,” he says. “My wife is an endocrinologist and she’s researched Hashimoto’s. It’s often misdiagnosed.”
“So how would I know if that’s it?” I ask.
“I can put in a referral for you to her office if you would like. I will draw all of the necessary blood work that she will want and just have it sent to her.”
“That works, I guess,” I say.
“What diet changes will help?” Kaia asks.
“So it limits or avoids grains, dairy, nightshades, added sugar, legumes, eggs, alcohol, nuts, seeds, refined sugars, oils, and food additives.”
“So high protein?” Kaia asks.
“That’s a good start. This is not meant to be a restrictive diet. Limiting does not mean that it has to be cut out. Also, this diet is not focused on weight loss. This is just focused on the foods that can trigger flare-ups,” he explains. “The idea is that if you control the Hashimoto’s, then the blood sugar will also fall in line.”
“So no wine?” Luca asks and I laugh.
“I’m never going to live that down,” I say as the nurse draws blood from my IV.
“Can I ask about the assault you mentioned that happened last night?” the doctor asks. I sigh and lay my head back.
“I value living over getting justice for myself,” I say. “I gave up the right to justice when I repeatedly put myself back into that position.”
“What?” Matt asks. “Just because you were around them you think you don’t deserve justice? Aurora, that’s not how that works.”
“I didn’t even fight,” I whisper. “I never fight, even when I tell myself I’m going to this time. I…”
“Aurora,” The doctor says. “Something you need to understand is that everyone, and I do mean everyone, reacts differently to assault. It’s not like the movies where people always kick and scream and fight through it all.”
“I didn’t fight him,” I say again as I start to cry. “I didn’t try to get away. I just fucking laid there. Now here I am explaining my trauma in front of my fucking boss, who I’ve known all of one day because I was too fucking depressed and anxious to eat. I just want to go home.”
“He has a key to your apartment, Aurora,” Kaia. “You are not going home.”
“Kaia. I’ll be fine. Just like always,” I say as I start to shut down.
“Have you heard of fight or flight?” the doctor asks me and I nod. “Do you know what all of the trauma responses are?”
“No,” I admit.
“So, right now we have Fight, flight, freeze, fawn, fine, or flop. You know fight and flight, but what about the rest?”
“No,” I sigh. He sits at the end of my bed and turns to me.
“Freeze is simple. You freeze. You do absolutely nothing. No fighting or running,” he says. “Fawn is when someone will try to appease their attacker by giving them what they think they want in an attempt at making the situation end quicker. Like when a victim of domestic violence will bend over backward for their partner in an attempt to keep them happy.
“Fine is when someone is in denial that they are being hurt or they were hurt at all and faint is just that. You faint.”
