Page 77 of The Law of Attraction
“Why not?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Too much adrenaline after the flat tire.” He hesitated, like he wanted to say something else. And then he said it, and it blew her mind a little: “Or maybe it was because you were so close—right on the other side of that door you’d asked me to leave open—and I was starting to have a lot of feelings that I didn’t know what to do with.”
“Feelings? About me?”
“Yes. Feelings about you.” He glanced over at her, and their eyes caught and held for a second before he looked back at the road. “Anyway, I was pretty much running on empty by the end of the day yesterday, and I knew we still had a lot of work to do today, and I wouldn’t be able to focus at all if I didn’t get some sleep.”
“I want to go back and talk about these feelings you were having about me.”
“I like you, Olivia. Haven’t you figured that out by now?”
Maybe she had. Maybe she’d known but hadn’t let herself believe it.
“I like you,” he repeated. “But we work together, and I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure if you liked me back—”
“I do,” she cut in, because she felt like she needed to put that on the record. He’d laid his feelings on the table for her, and she wanted him to know he wasn’t the only one out there on the ledge.
He breathed out a long breath, and his shoulders relaxed a little. “I didn’t know that, and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He paused, and the muscles in his jaw tightened. “And also I really, really didn’t want to jump into another relationship with someone I work with.”
“Right,” she said, feeling a knot start to form in her stomach. Of course he didn’t. He’d already told her as much.
“If I’m being honest, that’s partially why I left last night. I knew if I didn’t get out of there, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you…”
It sounded like a good thing, but she just knew there was another shoe coming, and it probably wouldn’t be as awesome.
“And I wasn’t sure any of this was a good idea,” he went on. “I thought maybe it would be best not to let it go further.” The other shoe dropped with a crashing thud that reverberated through Olivia’s chest.
“I see,” she said, feeling the numbness creep back into her fingers and toes. “I was thinking the same thing, actually.”
He cut a glance at her. “You were?”
“Yeah. Maybe it’d be better if we quit while we’re ahead.”
His teeth bit into his lower lip and he gave a slow nod. “Well, I don’t know what conclusion you came to, but I decided that was bullshit.”
She was so startled it took her several seconds to respond. “You did?”
“It was just me being scared of getting hurt again and trying to protect myself. But I’m tired of being scared. You have no idea how lonely I’ve been.”
She had an idea. She’d always assumed he had this whole life outside work and that was why he didn’t have any work friends. But now she knew he didn’t have any friends. And it was all because he’d been hurt, and was so afraid of being hurt again that he’d shut himself away from everyone in his life. Even his family to some extent.
“Fuck being scared,” he said. “Let’s just try this and see what happens.”
It was exactly what she’d wanted to hear.
The words yes, great, let’s do it hovered on the tip of her tongue, but for some reason she couldn’t make herself say them.
Because what if he was wrong? What if they tried and failed, and it ended up causing even more pain and awkwardness that made things hideously uncomfortable at work? He’d already been through that once, and she didn’t want to put him through it again. He needed a friendship that wouldn’t self-destruct more than he needed a bed buddy.
Olivia was a pragmatist, so she tried to calculate what odds she’d give them. Based on their personalities and past failed relationships, and all their previous interactions, she tried to assign a number value to the chances of them surviving even six months as a couple.
It wasn’t a good number. If this were an Oscar pool, she’d put her money on a different nominee.
Adam was still waiting for her to say something. He kept throwing hopeful little glances her way, and she didn’t want to disappoint him, but she knew it was better to get it all out in the open now.
“Counterpoint,” she said. “Maybe your first instinct was right, and we should put the brakes on things now, before it blows up in our faces.”
He nodded slowly. “You’re scared too.”
