Page 64 of The Law of Attraction
It was his turn to snort in surprised amusement. “Tell me about your last boyfriend.”
It was an obvious line of inquiry, and she should have been ready for it, but she wasn’t. “Pass.”
“Fine,” he said, and she exhaled in relief. Bullet dodged.
Until he asked his next question: “Why don’t you want to tell me about your last boyfriend?”
“That’s cheating,” she protested.
“There’s no rule against it. Either answer the question or use another pass.”
She chewed on her lip. Technically, she could answer without having to tell him the thing she didn’t want to tell him. “I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want you to think badly of me.”
He rolled onto his side again and propped his head on his hand. “I won’t. I swear.” He looked so earnest it made her want to confess every bad thing she’d ever done in her life.
Except for this one thing, because she still felt so guilty it made her sick to her stomach. “You don’t know that. You don’t know what I did.”
“Did you cheat?” There was an edge to his voice now.
“I’ve never cheated on anyone,” she told him honestly. That much, at least, she could claim.
Adam’s expression relaxed into a smile. “Did you murder him? Blackmail him? Sell him out to the mob?” He was teasing her now.
“The mob? Who am I? A nineteen fifties movie moll?” She laughed despite herself. “Nothing illegal or violent transpired.”
“Then I promise not to think badly of you.” He drew an arc through the air that encompassed them both. “This is a safe space. You can tell me anything.”
She did feel safe with him. Lying face-to-face on the bed like best friends at a sleepover—or lovers staying up all night baring their souls. Like the two of them were in a cozy little bubble removed from the real world.
“I broke his heart,” she said, dragging the admission out of the blackest part of her soul.
Adam’s expression didn’t change. “How?”
“He asked me to move in with him and I said yes. But then when we started looking at apartments and talking about leases and consolidating our furniture, I chickened out. I realized I couldn’t do it—I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to want it, but I didn’t. Not with him.”
She’d expected Adam to react with contempt, but instead he looked at her with sympathy.
“You don’t owe anyone your love.”
She shook her head, remembering how much pain she’d caused. “I strung him along for nine months, letting him think I loved him. He was blindsided when I told him. Seriously, completely gutted.” She winced at the memory. “I’ve never hurt anyone that badly before.”
“You didn’t love him?”
“I thought I did, but…looking back on it, I think I just wanted to be in love. And I knew he loved me, so it was easy to go along.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. You didn’t hurt him on purpose.”
“But I still hurt him. I’m just as bad as your soft cheese girlfriend.”
“Brie.” Adam smiled. “Neither of you are bad. You can’t choose whether or not you love someone or how much. If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it. Pretending’s not going to make anyone happy. At least you were honest with him. You did him a favor.”
Ryan had definitely not seen it that way. He was still making passive-aggressive comments about her on Instagram. “Is that how you felt when Brie ended things?”
“Not at first. But once the shock wore off, yeah. Can you imagine if I’d picked up my whole life and followed her? If she’d stayed with me out of guilt or obligation? We would have been miserable, and it wouldn’t have lasted, and then I’d have been dumped and living someplace I didn’t want to be.”
“I guess.”
“The fact that you’re carrying all this guilt around over this guy proves what a kind, caring person you are. You should forgive yourself.” He reached out, and Olivia held her breath as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You deserve forgiveness.” His fingers brushed her cheek as he withdrew his hand, and her skin tingled as if it had been electrified.
